Christians petition to have Jesus Christ made a U.S. citizen.

How crazy are some Christians? Crazy enough to be worried that the Son of God needs to be granted U.S. Citizenship prior to his return lest he have trouble getting a visa or something. There’s already over 200 signatures on the Citizenship for Jesus Christ Petition:

To:  US Citizenship and Immigration Services

We, the Christians of Americans, demand that you grant the US Citizenship to Jesus Christ, the son of God.

We, the good Christians of America know that our Lord and Savior will return to earth and we want to make sure he has a legal status in the USA.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

I guess he’s not as all-powerful as some folks like to think. What really cracks me up about this is the simple fact that should it turn out God is real and the Christians ended up being right about what’s going to transpire when Christ returns the last thing anyone left here is going to be worried about is whether or not Jesus is an illegal immigrant.

Found via Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

23 thoughts on “Christians petition to have Jesus Christ made a U.S. citizen.

  1. Good God, that is hilarious!  You’d think these people would be more concerned with their own so-called heavenly citizenship!

  2. I chuckled that they thought adding a “son of god” qualifier to “Jesus Christ” was needed.  You know, you wouldn’t want anyone thinking you were talking about those other Jesus Christs.  Or something.

  3. Jesus should come down here and stand in line to take the citizenship test, as long as he pays the fees. If He passes the test, the U.S. gov’t should grant his Naturalization request. Just make sure he files his 1040 by April 15, too. We don’t want no Son-of-God being a tax-dodger.

  4. They might have been worried about just saying Jesus, after all it is a pretty common name in latin america (sans the christ of course).  Might cause some confusion.

    But when Christians are talking about Jesus Christ, you would think there wouldn’t be any confusion as to *which* Jesus Christ they are referring to.

    Now, if I were talking about Jesus, you might not know if I meant the fictional ‘son-of-god’ or Jesus Ramirez the bloke I know from down the road.

    But Christians and the whole ‘Jesus Christ’ thing is a pretty safe bet I’m thinking.

  5. after all it is a pretty common name in latin america

    I have seen an argument that Jesus may have been common in Judea- the bit where Pilate offers to release a prisoner, the wording is such that it implies another Jesus was in the cells- its to do with ‘Bar abba’ or something like that (can’t remember the reference, which was a non xian one)

    Love to see him grabbing Pat Robinson and smacking him shouting ‘Which bit of Love Thy Neighbour do I need to explain you small minded bigot’

  6. IIRC, weren’t the only two people in Nazi Germany forgiven for their Jewish blood Jesus and Hitler?

    I look at the petition this way: if they are signing this and sending it to their prayer groups, friends, etc. at least they can’t use that time to bomb abortion clinics or bash gays.

    Really, we need more silly activities for Christians.

  7. Oh my god (pun intended)!  Has anyone looked at who has been signing this thing?  Charles Manson is #10, and it only gets better from there.  Man, how did the morons that put this thing up not know that this would happen?  Guess I shouldn’t be suprised considering the subject.

    BTW KPatrickGlover, the FSM signed it too, #162.

  8. Last Hussar – Jesus was not a hebrew name, it’s a transliteration of Yeshua into Latin that made it’s first appearance in the Latin Vulgate.  The Vulgate was the medieval translation of the original greek texts of the New Testament, and the greek translations of the Old Testament. Yeshua could also be translated as Joshua, and I’ve read that the name is the same for both Joshua in the OT and Jesus in the NT (OT was originally Hebrew, NT was originally Greek, so there might be a problem in comparing names in the original texts).

    My admittedly spotty knowledge of this subject (I’m sort of remembering if from stuff I read years ago, sorry I’m just too lazy to really do the research) is because I was a member of a fundy church for a few years and was seriously considering becoming a preacher…thankfully my desire to do so lead me to think critically about what I believed in and eventually and painfully lead me to my current atheistic views.

  9. Buzz- I think I saw it through Skeptics.com, but damned (!) if I can find it. The point was however JC was refered to, Pilate felt he had to make sure he got the right one.

  10. Buzz: BTW KPatrickGlover, the FSM signed it too, #162.

    Yeah and Osama has signed at least 4 times.
    But the site from which it emanates is one of the most amusing bits of satire (it can’t be serious, can it?) I’ve read in a long while.

    The Bible is perfect in every way. It’s authorship a divine miraculous mystery. Every word of the Bible is God’s own words. We know this because the Bible tells us so. And why would God ever lie about a thing like that? (That’s logic, Liberals, read it and weep!) The words of the Bible need not be interpreted they are direct and unambiguous orders from our Lord, unchanged forever.

    And then goes on to say, with feeling, that Caxton slipped The Song of Solomon into the old testament when he printed it.

    Caxton also began printing Bibles, which up until that point in time had been safely kept in the hands of Holy Monks and only written in Latin, since that was the language of God at the time and so that liberals would be unable to read it (since they were too stupid). Caxton, however, seized the opportunity. Because he was the first person who was going to widely distribute the Bible, he realized that this was his chance to corrupt it. He had to be subtle since he knew that if he wasn’t the monks would catch him out, so he just sneakily slipped the Song Of Solomon into an obscure part of the Old Testament (reasoning that only the best Christians read this part of the Bible and that since all the monks were tainted by being Europeans, not even they would bother).

    And

    It is no surprise that the vast majority of pot-smokers are foul-smelling, untrustworthy perverted sodomites.

    is not even the funniest thing in there.

    Studies have shown that the only way to reform a pot addict is through an extended prison sentence. It can take as much as five years to go “cold-turkey

  11. Hussar – Sounds right since the name Yeshua (Jesus) was extremely popular at that time.  I believe that Pilate asked Jesus if he was the one the Jews called the Christ, which is a translation of messiah into Latin (I think). 

    Also, during Jesus’ time, there was almost a constant stream of Hebrew revolutionaries, many claiming to be the messiah (whom the Jews supposedly thought was going to lead them militarily as well as spiritually against the Romans), so the messiah identity as well as the name might have been in question at the trial before Pilate, since there could easily have been multiple men at the time claiming to be the messiah (and there probably were).

    Anyway, sorry, I kinda got bogged down in semantics when I wrote my earlier comment.  Jesus or Yeshua, your point was that Pilate needed to diffrentiate him from others with the same name.

    Ok, no more bible stuff for me, my head is hurting.

  12. Looks like it might be a Colbertesque parody.  Just crazy enough to look legit to the fundies, just crazy enough for the rest of us to enjoy the satire.

  13. Looks like you got fooled by satire, Stupid Evil Bastard. Maybe it’s true what they say, “You can’t believe everything you read on the internet.”

    Btw, I’m a real Christian, not like the greedy, hypocritical, close-minded pretend Christians you see on TV who are abusing the name of God for profit and their own means. You seem to be confusing us. I know, they give us a bad name, much the same way GW is giving American’s a bad name. In short, we aren’t all like that.

    There are at least twenty of them, for every one of us. That is why Jesus refers to churches as houses of snakes and theives. Not all, mind you, but most by far. Many people have and continue to use the Bible for their own ends. That does not make the Bible bad.

    I hope I could clear up at least some confusion. Not trying to convert anyone, just trying to open some minds. And remember, if it doesn’t sound like something God would say, God probably didn’t say it.

    —————————————
    Whether you are a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Ahteist, none, or other, the following applies to you: Beware rich Christians.

  14. It’s entirely possible I’ve been fooled, Bob, and the truth is I’d be a lot happier if that is actually the case. The only reason I entertain the doubt that it might be real is because there have been entirely too many other people out there who aren’t engaging in satire. Like the woman who was trying to get folks in World of Warcraft to petition Blizzard to put a nativity scene in the game.

    Btw, I’m a real Christian, not like the greedy, hypocritical, close-minded pretend Christians you see on TV who are abusing the name of God for profit and their own means. You seem to be confusing us. I know, they give us a bad name, much the same way GW is giving American’s a bad name. In short, we aren’t all like that.

    No confusion here. There’s a number of very decent Christians who read SEB regularly and I’m well aware that not all Christians are represented by the ones I rant about on this site. Look around a bit more and you’ll see the truth of that for yourself.

    There are at least twenty of them, for every one of us. That is why Jesus refers to churches as houses of snakes and theives. Not all, mind you, but most by far. Many people have and continue to use the Bible for their own ends. That does not make the Bible bad.

    My criticisms of the Bible are largely to do with its content, not with what people try to do with it. Still, the fact that many people try to use the Bible’s contents to their own ends doesn’t help its credibility any.

    I hope I could clear up at least some confusion. Not trying to convert anyone, just trying to open some minds. And remember, if it doesn’t sound like something God would say, God probably didn’t say it.

    The only problem with that statement is that it begs the question: Which God? Even if we disregard all the other religion’s various claims on the nature and personality of God there’s often no solid consensus among Christians on the issue.

    What doesn’t sound like something your interpretation of God would say may very much sound exactly like what someone else’s interpretation of God would say.

  15. The only reason I entertain the doubt that it might be real is because there have been entirely too many other people out there who aren’t engaging in satire.

    There are a lot of crazys out there. Most of them follow a god. Most of those follow one of the more popular ones.

    Like the woman who was trying to get folks in World of Warcraft to petition Blizzard to put a nativity scene in the game.

    Sounds kind of neat. I haven’t played WoW yet, and maybe never will. I bet if enough people signed that, Blizzard would have put one in. Nothing wrong with writing petitions. At least, nothing wrong with ones that don’t include granting citizenship to someone who hasn’t even come to earth yet.

    There’s a number of very decent Christians who read SEB regularly and I’m well aware that not all Christians are represented by the ones I rant about on this site. Look around a bit more and you’ll see the truth of that for yourself.

    You’ll have to excuse me for not knowing that. I’m new.

    My criticisms of the Bible are largely to do with its content, not with what people try to do with it.

    Have you read it? It is primarily stories about tragedies, and about the consequences of poor choices. I find it entertaining and educational, as long as you aren’t forcing yourself to read it just because somebody said you should.

    The only problem with that statement is that it begs the question: Which God?

    That’s true. I actually meant to revise that to say something like “your God.” I intended it more as a way to identify frauds. Like when those people on TBN or 700 Club say that God doesn’t want gay people on his planet, they never say why God doesn’t want it, and they always quote the Bible out of context.

    You’re right tho, everyone has their own gods. Except agnostics. Scratch that, they do too.

  16. Les: I’m reasonably sure Shelly The Republican is satire.  Isn’t that survey from her?

    Bob, we’re glad to have you here, but be careful of making assumptions.  First, some of us do have at least a passing familiarity with the Bible, and some more than that.  And the whole point of being agnostic or atheist is you aren’t goddish. 

    That we have gods of our own, or that non-god-ism is a religion, is a common misconception among the faithful.  A good comparison (and appropos in my case) would be that “bald” is a hair color.  Or that “not collecting stamps” is a hobby.

    Shall I await the usual rejoinders to that statement, or would you read a faq about atheism first?  You know, just to speed things along.

  17. Bob writes…

    Sounds kind of neat. I haven’t played WoW yet, and maybe never will. I bet if enough people signed that, Blizzard would have put one in. Nothing wrong with writing petitions. At least, nothing wrong with ones that don’t include granting citizenship to someone who hasn’t even come to earth yet.

    Personally I’d think it’s a bad idea as Blizzard tends to poke fun at anything from the real world they decide to include in the game so it would probably only end up pissing off a segment of their Christian players. I wrote about it at the time if you’re curious.

    You’ll have to excuse me for not knowing that. I’m new.

    Might want to poke around in the archives then for a bit to familiarize yourself. That is, if you’re thinking of hanging out and contributing to the conversations, which you are most welcome to do if you feel like it.

    No need to read all 4100+ entries as a lot of them are just fluff, but you would do well to check out the first dozen or so most commented and most viewed entries. Or you can make use of the category archives to limit your viewing to specific topics.

    Have you read it? It is primarily stories about tragedies, and about the consequences of poor choices. I find it entertaining and educational, as long as you aren’t forcing yourself to read it just because somebody said you should.

    I’ve read the Bible front to back four times total and have studied various chapters of the book in depth countless times. I used to be a devout Baptist when I was younger, considered going into the clergy and got serious in my study of the Bible and that’s when the trouble started. All of that’s in the archives.

    You’re right tho, everyone has their own gods. Except agnostics. Scratch that, they do too.

    Again that depends on how you define “Gods.” By most traditional definitions it would be untrue to say that atheists or agnostics have a god they believe in.

    DOF writes…

    Les: I’m reasonably sure Shelly The Republican is satire.  Isn’t that survey from her?

    Again, I’m certainly hoping it’s satire.

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