Parody video: Come to Church… Now!

Link via God is for Suckers.

14 thoughts on “Parody video: Come to Church… Now!

  1. The Jerry Falwells and Pat Robertsons of the world have cornered the market on Bible lunacy by taking it out-of-context and over-literally. Please, don’t try to top them.

  2. I like Dooteronomy 23:2 because at least I know who I (and my fellow bastards) be sharing hell with: Ammonites, Moabites, eunuchs and those who have had their gonads in some way mashed.  The Sunday football fixtures will be repetitive, and the eunuchs will keep losing the balls.

    A bastard being a person whose father is not married to their mother, why does the name Jesus keep coming into my head?  Yup, I’ll pick Jesus to be my centre-back on the bastards in the hades Sunday soccer league.  That’s the logic of 23:2.  I always said that the national bastards society was open to all, but I never thought we’d have a messiah on the books.  I feel a cod C&W song coming on.  And hate mail.

  3. Ho wod I tell my children that they are going to hell, and yea even to the tenth generation, because their mother counted on the calender wrong.  We are married now- but I understand there is no mitigation at the pearly gates.  Bit harsh on them. And their children, and their childrens children. And their childrens childrens children. And their childrens childrens childrens children… you get the picture.  Come on fundies.  Why are people 10 generations away damned for all eternity cos their great*8 grandfather was a horny old goat. 

    Actually thinking about it 2^10 is 1024.  That means that all those fundies out there have 2047 ancestors.  If any of them are bastards, then the gog fearing jesus loving fundies are going to hell.  Yeeeeehaaaa

  4. It may be tough on us, but what those poor bloody fossils did to get on the wrong side of The Lord beats me though.  Tentacular shagging outside marriage, having the temerity to be Jurassic in a world only 6000 years old?  Beats me, as the Conservative MP longingly of his old housemaster.  (Conservative MP=Republican Senator, housemaster = senior teacher at private school, usually ex-forces, deviant and responsible for the hang-ups of the british aristocracy).

  5. Last Hussar, may I ask you a question? I’m curious about your native language. Also, I’ve noticed that you leave letters out of words somewhat often.

    My concern is that your keyboard is missing keys and you’re not aware of it.

    BTW, have you accepted Jesus and your Lord and Saviour?

    PS: Honk if you got it!

  6. Mrs SEB: How fucking depressing.

    I wondered why you’d find it depressing as I just smiled and said: Fuckwits, whilst watching it.
    Then I realised your reality is that you really are surrounded by these batshit crazy nutjobs and … I’m not.
    Bummer. I’m sad for you but happy for me. LOL

  7. My concern is that your keyboard is missing keys and you’re not aware of it.

    om ba tar   ick th bloo y ,  ,  , k y an thi i how I fin out!

    Seriously, It’s usually late when I’m typing- bear in mind the time it shows on my posts is US time and 5-6 hours behind when I really type. Yeah I know- type into Word first, but I forget (sometimes so incensed at some of the idiotic comments I just go for it).  You’ll be pleased to know that when I text, I spell and punctuate correctly. I dont think its gr8 2 4get this.

    However, Brock at least I remember the ‘u’ in the right words. wink

  8. “BTW, have you accepted Jesus AND your Lord and Saviour?” should have been “BTW, have you accepted Jesus AS your Lord and Saviour?”

    That mistake of mine might have been why you didn’t honk. What I said to you wasn’t meant as a slight though.

    Is anybody else getting me?

  9. Why are people 10 generations away damned for all eternity cos their great*8 grandfather was a horny old goat. 

    I wonder if there is any human on earth who has only legitimate people among 10 generations of ancestors.
    Seems to me like most if not all of the fundies are going to hell along with us.

  10. JP: Seems to me like most if not all of the fundies are going to hell along with us.

    NOOOOO! LOL

  11. I think it should be asked, “Have you been SAVED from the Lord Jesus Christ?”

  12. Is this a yank thing?

    I think it depends on what exactly you’re yanking, Hussar. LOL

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