Duct Tape bandages coming to a hardware store near you.

The old joke asks, “How are Duct Tape and The Force similar?” To which the answer is: “They both have a light and dark side and they hold the Universe together.” It’s certainly been one of my Dad’s favorite tools in his toolbox and it does seem there is little it can’t do. So I suppose it was only a matter of time before the folks at 3M decided to come up with official Duct Tape Bandages perfect for closing that gash you just put in your hand with a screwdriver.

After all when you’re a manly man you don’t want to be showing up at the garage with a pansy-assed Sponge Bob Squarepants band-aid on your finger. No sir! You want a MANLY bandage; something that screams a testament to the absolute gallons of testosterone raging around your system. Something that shows that the only reason you bothered to bandage the wound in the first place was because the blood was making it hard to hold onto your tools!

Surprisingly enough there’s actually quite a history of medicinal uses of Duct Tape including the usual closing of sucking chest wounds among many other not immediately obvious uses. Not that I’m advocating passing up a doctor’s treatment in favor of a duct tape solution, but in a pinch it could be useful knowledge to have.

At the very least I’m going to have to track some of these down so I can give them to my Dad.

Found via OhGizmo!

10 thoughts on “Duct Tape bandages coming to a hardware store near you.

  1. A couple of years ago, my co-worker and I had a minor disagreement about the pronunciation of “duct tape”- she, being a philologist, insisted upon enunciating both t’s clearly, with a pause between them.  I, being inveterately lazy and stubborn, continued saying “duck tape”.  When it seemed no agreement could be reached, I diplomatically suggested adopting a different, neutral name for the tape.  My candidate, “quack”, was not well received.

    Meanwhile, as I found out in Small Things Considered by Henry Petroski, there’s some evidence for the original WWII olive drab tape really being called “duck tape”, since the cloth used was “duck cloth”, a light canvas.  Katherine, if you’re reading this, buahaha!

  2. Sorry . . . you can keep your sterile little bandages made for the pink panty-wearing unwashed masses who get a press-wood splinter in their wee widdle fingers whilst putting their IKEA furniture together.

    We big, burly manly-men are well aware of the dangers to our fingers and hands inherent in the process of replacing the crappy plastic intake manifold on a ‘96 Ford Crown Vic – and we’re STILL gonna stomp into the kitchen, grab a piece of paper towel, fold it up and slap it over the wound, securing it to our bloody hand with some rank, dusty electrical tape that we found laying in a back drawer of our tool cabinet – tape that has bits of metal particles from who knows where and some stale year-old Quiznos subway crumbs sticking to the edge of the roll.

    Then we get back to WORK.  mmm hmmm.

    As for those sucking chest wounds that seem to be so prevalent nowadays, I prefer that hydrophilic expanding-foam stuff . . . it stops the bleeding so you can drive yourself to the emergency room.

    In your Crown Vic with the new $400 intake manifold.  mmm hmmm.

  3. I lost my arm in a freak welding accident, some quick thinking and some ‘extra strength’ duct tape and it was back on and in working condition. Just dont pick at the tape.

  4. Anyone here know the D&D comic ‘Nodwick’ where there’s a cleric called Piffany, who heals everyone with duct tape (well mostly the henchling when her adventruing buddies have used him as dragon bait or trap springer again)?

    Les might link to one of the webcomics if he wants!

  5. Duct tape of healing. This is the mightiest mender of broken bodies the world has ever known. It can re-attach limbs and heads, revive the recently dead, and repair those who have been cut, bruised, mangled, squished, perforated, eaten, incinerated, or used to stop the gears of large machines. Anyone whose wounds or remains are wrapped in this stuff is cured of what ails ‘em in 1 day. An entire roll of tape can cover a whole body. Piffany always has 4-6 rolls at any given time.

  6. Don’t have to, ND, I included a link to a site that talks about that and other medicinal uses of Duct Tape.

  7. Sorry, Les. I had not gotten the chance to look at the link you posted. Now that I have, I see it’s the first thing they mentioned. Silly me. My bad.

    ND

  8. BoTox- don’t get so upset. Calm down; it surely won’t take the fashion industry by storm. Save that heartattack for something more important, like why did Oil of Olay abandon its nail lacquer line.

  9. Neil writes: I lost my arm in a freak welding accident, some quick thinking and some ‘extra strength’ duct tape and it was back on and in working condition. Just dont pick at the tape.

    Damn, dude . . . one can only imagine how John Wayne Bobbit would have pulled off (beg pardon) his role in “Frankenpenis” had a simple roll of duct tape been available to him the night Lorena decided to go Joshua 5:2 on his ass.

    JC1958 writes: BoTox- don’t get so upset. Calm down; it surely won’t take the fashion industry by storm.

    “Bandages? We ain’t got no bandages. We don’t need no bandages. I don’t have to show you any steenkin’ bandages!”

    JC1958: Save that heartattack for something more important, like why did Oil of Olay abandon its nail lacquer line.

    Well, whatever they do, as long as it makes my pores smaller and my skin less oily, i’m all for it!

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