The Five Pillars of Gayism

[To be approved by Our Gracious and Holy Pope Brock the First in the next step of making Gayism a true religion]

  1. Everyone is gay inside, some are less gay than others
  2. At least once in your life, you must make a pilgrimage to San Francisco
  3. At least once you must decorate someone’s house
  4. You should listen to popular gay music, like All the Girls Love Alice and Alladin Sane
  5. We are all children of Adam and Steve, always remember that!

12 thoughts on “The Five Pillars of Gayism

  1. The gay pope is probably out, mixing it up with the faithful. Can’t let that boring white-clad guy in Germany get all the press!

  2. Gives a whole new meaning to “be fruitful and multiply,” doesn’t it?

    Now that I know that everyone is gay inside, how do I go about determining just HOW gay I am?

  3. Good question Skippy. It’s directly related to your boner-rate. Look at a picture you think is hot and determine how long it takes to get aroused. It can be represented thus:

    b = xmf/100

    Where x is the ‘hotness’ from 0 to 10 and ‘m’ is a male picture and ‘f’ a female one.

    (Okay, it sounded funny in my head and that above equation probably makes no sense…)

  4. Hee hee
    If they think Gayism is an interesting religion, they should see what they get to wear around their necks…

    ************************

    If homosexuality is really an illness then call in sick to work grin “Hello. Can’t work today, still queer.” ~ Robin Tyler

    I’d rather be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother. ~ Charles Pierce

    ‘You could move.’ ~ Abigail Van Buren, “Dear Abby,” In response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood.

    Why can’t they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, “Who’d you call a faggot?” ~Jon Stewart

    My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I’m giving them my share. ~ Rita Mae Brown

    Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons. ~ Letter to the Editor, The Advocate

    You don’t have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight. ~ Barry Goldwater

    Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~ Ernest Gaines

    My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. ~ W.Somerset Maugham

    Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won’t. ~ Author Unknown

    If male homosexuals are called “gay,” then female homosexuals should be called “ecstatic.” ~ Shelly Roberts

    My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it. ~ Amanda Bearse

    It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It’s like disapproving of rain. ~ Francis Maude

    The only queer people are those who don’t love anybody. ~ Rita Mae Brown

    The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision. ~ Lynn Lavner

    ******************************

    Three gay men died and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.  The first man said, “My Benny loved to fly so I’m going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky.”  The second man said, “My Carl was a good fisherman so I’m going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.” 

    The third man said, “My Jimmy was such a good lover, I think I’m going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili so he can tear my ASS up just one more time!”

    ***********************

    Devil: Hey, why are you bumming out?

    Man: If you died and went to Hell, you’d be bumming out too.

    Devil: Hell isn’t what you think it is. It’s fun down here. Say, do you drink?

    Man: Sure, I love to drink. Why?

    Devil: Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. Because on Mondays, all we do here is drink. Hell, we have whiskey, tequila, rum, vodka, all the booze you want to drink. We drink ‘til we puke then we drink more.

    Man: Ah… that sounds great.

    Devil: Do you smoke?

    Man: Damn right I do.

    Devil: Cool! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world. Smoke all you want. You don’t have to worry about getting cancer because you’re already dead anyway.

    Man: No shit!

    Devil: You like gambling?

    Man: Hell yeah!

    Devil: Great! On Wednesdays, we have gambling night here in Hell. We have slot machines, roulette, craps, black jack, horse racing, you name it, we got it, and we just recently opened up a new pai gow poker table.

    Man: Hmmm, I never played pai gow poker before.

    Devil: Now you can. You like to get stoned?

    Man: I love getting stoned! You mean…

    Devil: That’s right man, because on Thursdays, it’s stoner night here in Hell! Help yourself to a huge bowl of crack, smoke a joint the size of a nuclear sub, do all the drugs you want and you don’t have to worry about overdosing because you’re already dead anyhow.

    Man: Awesome! I never thought Hell was such a swinging place!

    Devil: Are you gay?

    Man: Uh, no.

    Devil: Oooh, then you’re gonna hate Fridays!

  5. All Hail Pope Brock! ! !
    But, I’m a little confused. If priests who are pedophiles go to heaven (they must, because God forgives everything), where do gay men who are not pedophiles (the vast majority) go? And what about wonderful heterosexuals like Sadam Hussein, Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin – – – where do they go, huh? Since you are the Pope, your answer MUST be right, your Holiness. wink

  6. That was a riot!!!
    Apparently Laughter is a good medecine…If so then I guess I’m good for a few days.

    Visiting this site everyday is like taking vitamines !!!!

    Leguru, I really don’t want to answer in the place of Brock but I always thought that the “South Park” movie was a true story! You know that scene with the devil…

  7. I could be mistaken or maybe I’m just being vicious but I thought there was some question as to Hitler’s true sexual orientation. Doesn’t matter. He’s not getting into Heaven anyway because God is a jealous God and Hitler came too close to God’s own casualty total.

    Anyway, Leg… Can I call you Leg? Anyway, Leg I think it doesn’t really matter where those damn pedophiles go. Wherever it is, they’ll still be ostracized, and everyone will be calling them “Desperado”, “Tickle Puss”, “The Candy Man”, “Gummer”, “Dew Catcher”, “The Faster Pastor” and such. It’ll probably feel like Hell to them, no matter where they end up.

    Gay men who are not pedophiles (and none are: pedophilia is a sexual orientation all it’s own) don’t go to Heaven when they die, they go to Key West and reincarnate.

    That place is simply crawling with regularly returning fags!

  8. Leg, just curious…is that avatar of yours a picture of a house against the rising sun, or Santa sitting on a fire hydrant?

  9. By the way, I spent two years in Brasil and speak (more acurately spoke) Portuguese quite well. And that mixed message logo is just the kind of thing brasileros would get a kick out of. That’s why I adopted it as my avatar. That, and the fact that I am now a practicing Buddhist – very inscrutable.

  10. If your gay,
    so what.
    i don’t think its fair how much shit they get,
    get on with it.
    your lifes goes on,
    so does theirs and at the end of the day they’re not gunna stop being gay just cause you don’t like them!
    get over it already, its a huge world and where ever you go there are going to be gay people,so whatever,
    i don’t care.
    neither should you.
    they have everyright to do what they want with their lives just like we do. smile

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