Note: I originally submitted this to McSweeney’s Lists, but they said ” I think it’s pretty good, but I think we’re going to pass, for the sake of our southern brethren.”. So I’ll publish it here instead.

-“Whiskey is my lord, Bourbon is my Saviour” [an actual song I wrote, see the lyrics]
-“Jesus was a Democrat”
-“I’m bigger than Jesus but smaller than your heart”
-“Evolution #9”

Feel free to add your own.