LIBERTY AND FREEDOM
By Peter Fredson
A Political Satire
When George II ascended to the throne this year he made a speech that mentioned “liberty and freedom” over 40 times. This is surely enough for us to forgive his illicit invasion of Iraq, causing the death of over 100,000 Iraqis, demolishing thousands of Iraqi homes, letting 1600 of our troops be killed and thousands to suffer wounds and loss of limbs. His liberty and freedom surely allow him to put a huge airbase in Iraq, install a huge embassy, install a puppet regime and now to threaten Syria and Iran. Condi Rice when asked if Bush had plans to invade Iran and Syria remarked “Not at the present time.” How about 5 minutes from the present time? If you listen closely you can hear the muffled drum beat of war mongering in the daily declarations of George Bush denouncing Syria and Iran. Even now his pilotless planes are circling over sovereign Muslim countries and several hundred True Believers in liberty and freedom are hard at work inside of Syria and Iran to fathom the evil intentions of the Syrians and Iranians. Bush loves to play military hero, swaggering in uniform, swashbuckling his way through the U.N. and smirking his way through corporate takeovers of the resources of the world. All this is done in the name of liberty and freedom, as our troops invade evil empires to spread democracy by cruise missile and armored vehicles.
We are now lamentably in a cultural war in the U.S. The war was declared by the Far Right that soon afterwards captured the entire congress. But the enemy still lurks everywhere, preventing True Believers from posting 10 Commandments, crucifixes, and other symbols of sincere and holy faith in public places.
So, to help George II fight the liberal enemy, I have decided to emulate former Judge Roy Moore of Alabama. I want the entire world to acknowledge the Bush vision of liberty and freedom. Half measures will no longer be adequate.
To that end I have spent countless hours in my basement making a symbol of liberty and freedom for all to see and cherish. I have taken the finest wood to make a sculpture of Spartacus on a crucifix. I have used several pounds of gold leaf to decorate it. No one can object to this. It is secular, moral, edifying and a beautiful model for every True American.
I and my brothers are going to load Spartacus into our pickup truck and take it to the Post Office tonight. We have picked out a blank wall in the Post Office where we will hang our moral statement. It is not intrusive but if anyone objects they can always avert their gaze to look at WANTED posters
There is no taxpayer money involved. It is a private donation and no charge will be made to install Spartacus. No state or national legislative body is involved, and no law is necessary to be passed. The sculpture is handsome, with lots of gold leaf, and once it is in place it would be a shame if somebody tried to take it down. We are now bargaining with a novelty company to make small scale models of the sculpture so that every classroom, courthouse, post office, and congressional office can have one to show the wonderful beautiful model of Spartacus as a champion of liberty and freedom.
We intend to offer a large model to churches, to hang next to whatever crucifix they now have to show their love for freedom and liberty. Think of the moral value involved with two crucifixes!
We will also offer a small bobbing-head model to hang from your rear view mirror and let you meditate on the vision of George II. Surely this is innocuous, moral, secular, and beautiful! Surely this is “expression of a belief that humans are valuable, sacred & deserve to be protected by laws.”
And, surely this is what George II would want for all Americans.
LONG LIVE FREEDOM AND LIBERTY!