BUSH DOUBLE-THINK REVERSED
A News Satire
By Peter Fredson
March 6, 2005
Part of my daily routine is to go to GOOGLE for its excellent news service. Today I read another of George Bush’s incessant belligerent war rumblings. The news item from Reuters said basically:
“Syria would start pulling back its forces in Lebanon Monday. The United States warned it would accept no half measures and wants the Syrians gone before May elections. The United States is wary of Assad’s plans. The White House said that, with its allies, it would not stand by as Assad takes “half measures” in Lebanon, promising to step up pressure for a complete and immediate withdrawal.”
“The international community is not going to stand by and let Assad continue these kind of half measures,” White House counselor Dan Bartlett said. He said a withdrawal timetable could be worked out if Assad commits to removing all troops and secret services and indicated this must be done before elections expected in Lebanon in May.”
“I don’t think there could be a scenario in which there could be a real, truly free and fair election with a Syrian presence continuing to have an intimidation factor in Lebanon,” Bartlett said. Syrian secret services and intelligence officials in Lebanon “really keep the clamp of fear in the Lebanese people,” he said.”
Well, that made me wonder if Assad could reverse the belligerent Bush talk, so that the news item might read as follows:
“The United States will start pulling back its forces in Iraq Monday, and we warned the United States that we would accept no half measures. We want the Yanqui terrorists gone before May elections.”
“Under intense international pressure, Bush announced plans Saturday for a complete withdrawal of troops from Iraq but said Washington would play a role in its neighbor’s affairs. He also said that all his corporations would stay in Iraq to help the country extract its oil.”
“The pullback would start immediately after a meeting in Damascus between leaders of both countries to approve Bush’s plan for a swift two-phased withdrawal.”
Syria has long been wary of Bush’s aggressive war-mongering plans. It said Sunday that, with its allies, it would not stand by as Bush takes “half measures” in Iraq, promising to step up pressure for a complete and immediate withdrawal.”
“The international community is not going to stand by and let Bush continue to have these kinds of half measures,” a Syrian Mullah commented.”
“He said a withdrawal timetable could be worked out if Bush commits to removing all troops and secret services and indicated this must be done before elections expected in Lebanon in May”.
“I don’t think there could be a scenario in which there could be a real, truly free and fair election with an American invasion presence continuing to have a truly terrorizing and intimidation factor in Iraq.” the Mullah said..
“American secret services, contractors, rampaging soldiers, missionaries and intelligence officials in Iraq “really keep the clamp of fear in the Iraqi people,” he said.”
“President Assad is considering new unilateral sanctions, including freezing American assets, Syrian officials say, and is discussing “next steps” with Muslim and European allies.”
Wouldn’t it be nice if all the American press printed both sides of an issue, and that FOX NEWS hired some real reporters instead of sycophants?
And, wouldn’t it be very nice if Bush refrained from making warlike pronouncements and instead concentrated on keeping America a democracy instead of letting his Far Right sponsors turn it into a theocracy? Perhaps it is too much to ask that Bush refrain from his attacks on Social Security, Medicare, Gays, and the Environment to concentrate on getting factories and jobs back in the United States. He seems to prefer to spend his time waving flags, holding up crosses, trash talking, and smirking.