ASK MR. CREATION SCIENTIST

ASK MR. CREATION SCIENTIST

(To our Readers:  We have decided to add an informational column for people who desperately want to know stuff about science from a Creationist point of view. If you wish to know something, just write to: Mr. Creation Scientist, DD, PhM, SS.)

Our congregation has already asked the following:

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of falling leaves?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of fall leaves is Autumn.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of fire?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of fire is combustion.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: If the chief cause of fire is combustion, then what is the chief cause of combustion?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of combustion is flammable materials.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of flower fragrance?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of flower fragrance is their smell.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of foot numbness?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of foot numbness is the feet “falling asleep”

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of freckles?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of freckles is brown spots on the skin.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes geysers?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of geysers is very hot boiling water.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of goose pimples?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of goose pimples is geese.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of hair?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of hair is to protect the parts they grow on.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of headaches?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of headache is a pain in the cranium.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of hibernation?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of hibernation is bears.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes high body temperature?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of high body temperature is having a fever.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of humidity?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of humidity is moisture, or negative aridity.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of hunger?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of hunger is lack of food.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes ice to form?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of ice is very cold water in negative liquidity.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the chief cause of iron rust?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of iron rusting is oxidation.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes sneezing?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of sneezing is kachoos.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: How do cows give milk?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that cows give milk by a process of lactation.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What is the cause of mosquito bite?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of mosquito bites is mosquitoes.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes movement?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of movement is motion or negative stationariness.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes sleep walking?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of sleep-walking is nocturnal perambulation.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes perspiration?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of perspiration is sweat.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes poison ivy itch?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of poison ivy itch is poison ivy.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes rain to fall down?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of rain falling down is gravity.  If rain fell upwards, everyone would drown with water up their nose.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What causes water to be salty?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of salt water is sodium chloride.

Dear Mr. Creation Scientist: What makes skunk odor?
Dear Sir or Madam:
Science has found that the chief cause of skunk odor is its awful smell.

FROM: Peter Fredson
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5 thoughts on “ASK MR. CREATION SCIENTIST

  1. Peter,
    You have far too much time on your hands. And I, for one, am grateful for that. LOL

  2. This is of course the position satirized by Molière in his play “Le Malade Imaginaire” (1673).  When a candidate for doctor is asked why opium induces sleep, he replies “Because it has a soporific virtue”.  The examiners are delighted with this scholarly answer and pass him.

    Creationists employ the same dormitive principle to lull their flocks to sleep, to dream of worlds free from pesky logic.

  3. Being a ‘Dear Madam’ I found this very informative!  It is refreshing to see a word with Science as it’s root word.  I was beginning to beleive that ‘creation’ was responsible for everything these days
    !!

    Now for my question—Tell me Mr. Creation Scientist is there anything that gives the elderly headaches besides Pres. Bush?

  4. I’d like to see Mr Creation Scientist do a regular column. It is extremely rare to find someone who can explain complicated scientific concepts in language that I, as the average reader, can understand.

  5. Momma: Yes,listening to FOX NEWS commentators explaining how privatizing Social Security is going to make all the elderly Socially Secure really gives me a headache. Next are all the Viagra spam messages I get on my computer. Today I erased 9 of them.  Does somebody think that I really need extra stimulation, after watching the Paris Hilton demonstration? Lamentably, Janet’s nipple didn’t do anything for me.
    Mick: Due to your overwhelming demand I have decided to write another Creation Scientist squib which I will be posting today. Thanks for asking.

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