Statue of “Virgin Mary” falls over at church’s final mass, True Believers declare it a “miracle.”

Miracles ain’t what they used to be. Used to be Jesus’ Mom would have to show up on a store window or in a fence post to be considered a miracle, but now all she has to do is knock one of her own statues over on the day a church is closing its doors for the last time and that’s enough to set off the weeping and the praying and the other assorted nonsense that takes place among the overly credulous when this sort of crap happens.

The church’s statue of the Virgin Mary, which stood in front of the altar, tipped over suddenly and thudded to the floor after Mass, seemingly unmolested by human hands, parishioners said.

Trembling and weeping, they called it a sign from God protesting the Boston Archdiocese’s decision to close their church, part of the lifeblood of the working-class, Italian-American neighborhood since 1905.

“This is a miracle!” Gerri Costa exclaimed after parishioners righted the 5-foot statue, which was missing a few pieces from its back. “Miracles do happen, and this is a miracle. Viva La Madonna!”

You’d think a more effective way for Mary to get her message across would be to just materialize in front of the Archbishop Sean P. O’Malley, who made the decision to close this particular church in the first place, and explain carefully and thoughtfully to the Archbishop why she thinks closing the church is a mistake all the while administering what can only be described as “The Mother of all Holy Beatdowns” on his punk-ass, but I suppose she doesn’t want to get blood all over her robe or shawl or whatever the fuck that thing she wears all the time is called.

Or maybe she’s just lazy these days…

8 thoughts on “Statue of “Virgin Mary” falls over at church’s final mass, True Believers declare it a “miracle.”

  1. Must be the economic cutbacks.  I guess she passed this one on to one of her lowlier and unappreciated saints.  St. Gravity – The defiler of beautiful women, spoiler of homeruns and the enemy of aspiring NBA superstars. (Also known to cause the occasional landslide and the tipping over of holy ornaments.)

  2. My money is on lazy.
    Anyway, it’s impossible to argue the point since no matter how ridiculous a “sign” might be, there’s always the answer, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”

  3. This was in Boston? Maybe Mary was getting a little tired of covering for all the priests who were diddling with alter boys. Then, too, maybe a bit too much of the sacramental wine? wink

  4. It’s about time that the virgin Mary acknowledged the scientific fact of gravitational pull, now when are we going to see evolution on the agenda?

  5. People have pretty low expectations if this qualifies as a “miracle.”  I’m inclined to go with the St. Gravity theory.  Or maybe, disgusted at everything being done in the name of christianity, she offed herself. “Viva La Madonna” indeed.

  6. The miracle is that she didn’t fall over sooner on some poor soul kneeling before her.  Or maybe God told O’Malley to close the doors on this building before it fell down and killed the whole congregation.

  7. Perhaps like the idol of Molech that kept falling in the presence of the ark of the covenant, the statue of Mary had was less a sign of her displeasure at the closing of the church and more a sign of God’s displeasure at their veneration of humans to the status of deity. Though St. Gravity is always an option.

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