I about fell out of my chair laughing when I saw that Target is selling “Takeouts Bra Inserts” on their website. The product description is priceless:
If the genetics gods did not give you the perky C’s you deserve and implants are too much of a commitment, you can always turn to the age-old method of augmentation. Stuffing has never been so sexy as with these natural-feeling, natural-looking Takeouts gel breast enhancers that slip into most any style of bra. Made of clear, medical-grade silicone in polyurethane shells, they’re known as “the better boob job” and put the cleavage precisely where you want it. Place them under the breasts for lift, in front for extra voluptuousness, or on the outer sides for va-va-voom with low necklines and strapless cuts. Designed to add a full cup size to your bustline, they provide a subtle boost without making your cups runneth over. They feature a nice, symmetrical shape and a weighty, substantial feel. A pick-me-up that’s perfect for A’s and B’s alike, the Takeouts come in a hot-pink Chinese-food takeout box and make an especially generous gift. Hand wash as you would your own. Durable and doable in a swimsuit, yet not designed for surfing, cliff diving, extreme groping and other high-impact activities.
What, exactly, is “extreme groping” and can I see it on ESPN when they broadcast the X Games? I’m assuming it’s a sport seeing as it was mentioned in addition to surfing and cliff diving and, honestly, it’s probably the only way you’d get me to watch ESPN anytime soon. Can you imagine? Being disqualified from the Extreme Groping Competition due to bra padding? The mind boggles!