I didn’t watch much of NBC’s big two-part miniseries 10.5 in part because it had already received such a bad drubbing by the science community, but I did check in to see some of the big earthquake scenes with the naive idea that at least I’d avoid most of the suckiness that way.
I was wrong.
Did you know that earthquakes will make chasms that will chase a train down the tracks until it swallows the train and then the chasm will stop growing? I didn’t. Did you know that a man on a bicycle is capable of outrunning the collapse of a major national landmark that’s over 605 feet tall starting from its base during an 8.0 quake without so much as getting dust all over himself? Did you know that people are not only able to remain on their feet during a 10.5 earthquake, but are able to run around and escape a widening chasm that’s rapidly filling with seawater without being thrown from their feet? Or that that seawater will amazingly not exhibit normal fluid dynamics and swell over the remaining 3 or 4 inches between the surface of the water and the edge of the chasms flooding the land immediately around the chasm? I didn’t. Did you know that the bad effects of just about any major natural disaster can be minimized through the careful application of well-placed nuclear bombs?
I’m beginning to think that last one’s true after all the movies being made were this ends up being the solution they come up with. Damn good thing we’ve got all these nuclear warheads sitting around doing nothing in particular. And here you thought nothing good would come from the nuclear arms race. The whole reason California and other states can’t bring those wild fires they have every year under control is because they’re not using nuclear warheads on them. Drought? Bomb that rain out of the sky! Hell, I bet there’s not a single major natural disaster that can’t be rectified through good old fashioned blowing the living shit out of it with a nuclear device of some kind.
Say, what’s that sound? Sounds like a giant vacuum trying to suck all my remaining brains cells out of my head from just the tiny bit of exposure I had to NBC’s 10.5 last night. I can’t imagine what it did to all those people who watched the whole damned thing.