Short on cash, God and his five kids turns to attempted robbery.

God must be Catholic. He’s got five kids, ranging in age from 5 to 14, and no money and was caught trying to hold up a Twin Falls, Idaho convenience store for $40 as his kids stood nearby and watched. Well, technically he only asked the store clerks if he could have the $40 ‘cause he’s, ya know, God and all so he’s good for it. The fact that he was brandishing a pistol at the time is purely circumstantial. He totally meant to leave that back in the car.

Anyway, the two Hell-bound atheistic bitches working as clerks didn’t believe God was God so he talked to them a little about the coming rapture and how there was no government, etc. and when it was apparent they weren’t buying it he left the store.

When one of the clerks stopped Crider’s 5-year-old son from following his father out of the store with a handful of unpurchased toys, the armed man returned, slamming the door and demanding that the clerk give the items back, the affidavit said. He also demanded the $40 again, the affidavit said, and the women responded that they would call the police.

Crider then told the women there were no police.

Officers with the Buhl Police Department, assisted by a Twin Falls County sheriff’s deputy, handcuffed Crider a short time later despite the hysterical objections of his five crying children, who ranged in age from 5 to 14.

Trent, the Buhl detective, told The Times-News that Crider was cooperative, “but because of the circumstances it wasn’t an ordinary traffic stop.”

As he was taken into custody, Crider reportedly told his children to trust in God. His 12-year-old daughter later told police her father was Jesus, and questioned how they could arrest him.

Yeah, WTF is up with that? Don’t you people know God when you see him? We’re all going to hell now because some dumbass cop went and arrested God and made his daughter cry. I bet she has superpowers of her own! They better watch it lest she unleash her wrath down upon them!

This whole sad affair would probably be a lot funnier if it weren’t for the tragedy of what this guy has put his poor kids through.

12 thoughts on “Short on cash, God and his five kids turns to attempted robbery.

  1. Oooh, man, those poor kids…  Imagine not just having to imagine Dad as the supreme Authority of the Household, but the savior of mankind, too?  What a freakin’ drag…
    Sounds like Pops had a bit of an existential streak, too—but asking questions like, ‘What IS reality?  ‘What ARE cops??’ seems a tad much to lay on a middle school kid…

  2. I totally feel for the kids, and the years of therapy they’ll be going through.

    My question is, how the hell does “Catholic” come into the picture?

    Maybe God is a Liberal Republican?

    *duck*

  3. I assumed he’s Catholic because he has 5 kids. That’s a lot of kids these days. If God would just wrap his sausage he wouldn’t have to hold up stores for a lousy $40.

  4. There IS a God, but police don’t exist.  Got it.

    Funny thing about how police still show up, though, even if you don’t believe in them.

  5. I don’t think so. If he was, he would’ve held up the store with his five wives in tow along with all their kids…

  6. Or even an orthodox Jew, for that matter.  Or hell, maybe he just refuses to give his poor wife a break.

  7. [qoute] In Crider’s car police found a loaded pistol and a cut-down .22-caliber rifle, the latter of which Crider told police he’d bought for his 14-year-old daughter, according to the affidavit. [/qoute]

    Sounds to me like a plain old redneck.

  8. He was not a redneck or a catholic or a mormon. I personally knew and went to school with his children. He was a sick bastard that deserves a lot more than what he got. And he made his girls do sick and disgusting things that i hope happens to him in prison. There are disgusting and sick people out there. Watch out for the weirdos!!!!!

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