ATTENTION DUMBASS RESTAURANT MANAGERS: DO NOT STRIP SEARCH EMPLOYEES OR CUSTOMERS.

I rant about stupid people a lot. I decry the lack of critical thinking skills among the general populace. I bemoan the fact that most Americans are so credulous they’ll believe just about anything you tell them as long as you can keep a straight face and sound authoritative about it. I also take a lot of heat for calling stupid people stupid, but as long as I keep reading news items like the following you can be sure I’m going to continue to call ‘em like I see ‘em.

WSJ.com – Bizarre Hoaxes On Restaurants Trigger Lawsuits

The restaurant industry is struggling to get in front of a bizarre hoax in which outlet managers across the country have been duped into strip-searching employees or customers.

Last week, a man allegedly claiming to be a police officer called a Fountain Hills, Ariz., Taco Bell and told the manager to conduct a strip search of a female he said had stolen a pocket book, and gave a general description of what she was wearing. Pulling aside a 17-year-old female customer who roughly fit the description, the boss complied. As in the other cases, no stolen property was found, though this is the first search involving a customer rather than an employee.

What the fuck is wrong with you idiots?! Anyone dumb enough to fall for this should be immediately sterilized so as to prevent them breeding any more stupid people.  It’s inconceivable that someone would take seriously a phone call such as this and force an employee or a customer to submit to a strip search as a result. Even more stunning is that this hoax seems to have been an ongoing thing for the PAST FIVE YEARS!!

It might seem implausible that any manager could be compelled by an unknown caller to order someone to entirely disrobe and submit to a humiliating search for drugs or stolen money. Or that someone would succumb to such an examination. But investigators say there have been dozens of similar cases since 1999, involving Burger King, Wendy’s, Applebee’s and others. Similar incidents have been reported in Massachusetts, South Dakota, Indiana, Utah and Ohio. The managers and the victims of such incidents have been male and female. Investigators have begun linking the cases and say they believe the hoaxes are the work of a single person calling from North Florida public telephones using a phone card.

Dozens of cases? DOZENS?!? How many times have you people been dropped on your heads as children to make you so stupid that you’d fall for this?!?

His likely motive, they say: Not money, but power and perversion.

In the Arizona case, the caller allegedly posing as a police officer remained on the phone to instruct the manager for each step of the examination of his young customer, which included a demoralizing cavity search, says Sheriff Joseph Arpaio of Marciopa County.

For that matter, who the hell are these idiots that are allowing themselves to be stripped searched?!? I realize many of the victims are teenagers, but do we really have to start teaching our kids that Fast Food managers don’t have any authority to force them to take off their clothes no matter what crime they’re accusing them of?? What the fuck is wrong with you people?!?

Consider this an SEB PSA: STOP BEING SUCH CLUELESS IDIOTS YOU FRIGGIN’ MORONS!

12 thoughts on “ATTENTION DUMBASS RESTAURANT MANAGERS: DO NOT STRIP SEARCH EMPLOYEES OR CUSTOMERS.

  1. In the Arizona case, the caller allegedly posing as a police officer remained on the phone to instruct the manager for each step of the examination of his young customer, which included a demoralizing cavity search.

    Did the article say whether the youth actually had any cavities? Do these managers think they can impersonate dentists, too?

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I think the managers are mostly smart enough to think that even if the caller isn’t a police officer, they can always argue they thought he was and decided they should do as he says. They can probably cite obstruction of justice concerns and citizen’s arrest authority.

  2. That’s just plain disgusting elwe-whatever.  I don’t think that any employer would ever be so dumb as to deliberately do that to an employee. Maybe this was one of those high school kid Managers with no experience.

  3. This smells of Urban Legend even though it seems that it was a news article, I can’t believe we haven’t heard more about it on the news.

  4. I deeply resent the description of Taco Bell as a ‘restaurant’.  I mean really- ‘slop-trough’ maybe, but restaurant?? Poor Bernard Loiseau would have to come back and off himself again, to hear such a thing.
    BTW Lustybustygal, in my thankfully short experience in the food service biz,” those high school kid Managers” were the norm, not the exception.  ‘Course, this was long before Dub’s reign..

  5. That was my first thought as well, Brooks, but searches of Snopes.com among other UL sites hasn’t turned it up as of yet. You would think the WSJ would be inclined to make sure stories like this are real before printing them.

  6. In my highschool just a few months ago they said we’d be using name tags on a particular date. I find the idea of nametags in a school disgusting as seemed to be the case with many others. However on the given day everyone was wearing a nametag, me being one of the only people to not. That seemed to show me that people will speak often about how they think something is stupid and they’d never deal with it yet when the time came they allow followed like blind idiots. This article simply reminds me that people will easily follow any instructions a person in a perceived position of authority tells them to do.

  7. re the school nametags - if you are the only one without a nametag, you are very conspicuous.  If on the other hand, you (and perhaps many others) have the WRONG nametags, much more thorough confusion can be engendered, and perhaps not even noticed until the nametags are NEEDED - especially if you could talk twenty kids into wearing the SAME nametag.

  8. This all reminds me of that experiment where a member of the public gave electric shocks to a subject under the guidance of a professor. Even when the subject was rolling in agony pleading for the person to stop, they continued to do what the authority figure told them. (in reality the prof and victim were actors, but the person thought the pain was real).  This phenomenon has been linked to the Holocaust.

    Obedience to an authority figure is a survival instinct, and is still important in dangerous situations.  However since the onset of intelligence it can misused.

  9. Hey, I just wanted to comment. I liked your article. I was actually involved in the Arizona Taco bell case.

    I assure other commenters it isn’t an urban legend. The girl from the Mcdonalds case got over a million dollars!

    In the Taco bell case the manager was a 35 (ish)adult with children.

    And in most of these cases the girls are locked in an office, and its not like they just submit…

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