God tells dumbass to jump into lion pit, dumbass obeys, gets chewed on.

Mmmm. Tasty!A couple of people sent me this news item out of the U.K., but the first to hit my inbox was from Paul Street who apparently wants to remind folks that America doesn’t have a lock on crazy people doing stupid things. It seems a dumbass by the name of Lucas Tomas decided to jump into the lion exhibit at an Argentine zoo so he could become a big chew-toy for the captive animals.

BBC NEWS | World | Americas | Man survives leap into lion’s den

“He jumped into the lion’s pen, and when the lions didn’t react, he took off his jacket and egged them on,” said Mr Rivolta. “It was an act of madness.”

He said the lions initially took no notice of their unexpected visitor – being used to the zookeepers – but the man persisted in teasing them.

Zoo officials eventually managed to tranquilise Quique, and Mr Tomas climbed out and was taken to hospital.

Fernandez Hospital’s chief medic, Juan Carlos Ramares, said the patient told the authorities he had been ordered by “voices from God” to enter the lion’s den.

The natural assumption is that Mr. Thomas is a loony, but that rules out the possibility that God may very well have instructed him in the manner he claims. I mean, I can’t prove that God didn’t tell him to jump into the lion’s den and by some people’s logic if I can’t prove God wasn’t involved then it’s best to assume he was.

That said it leaves one to wonder what God’s motivation might have been. Perhaps he felt sorry for the poor lions who have been cooped up in their exhibit for years with nary a gazelle to chase and so he set about ensuring that 22 years ago a child was born whose single purpose in life would be to serve as a giant chew toy. He is supposed to have some master plan for everyone, right? Perhaps he has a whole category of people labeled “CHEW TOYS” that he created specifically to amuse various zoo animals over the years. News stories of dumbasses getting chomped by animals at zoos seem to happen regularly enough to bear that line of thinking out.

Or perhaps he’s got a bit of nostalgia going for the days of Roman gladiators and the feeding of Christians to lions only he doesn’t want to use the really good Christians so he picked one who didn’t seem to be pulling his weight tithe-wise as of late or something. I mean who knows what his reasoning is what with him being God and all. Have you been keeping up with your donations to the your church lately?

Then again, maybe the guy is just a dumbass…

25 thoughts on “God tells dumbass to jump into lion pit, dumbass obeys, gets chewed on.

  1. Far be it from me think that God wasn’t speaking to someone, but I strongly suspect Mr. Tomas might not have been listening very clearly.

    “SET THY EYES ON ME.”

    “Let lions eat me?  Okay …”

    “NO, WAIT—”

  2. That is a possibility I hadn’t considered.

    This is exactly why God needs to drop all that “thy” and “shalt” crap and start using modern day English. Sure, it sounds all Biblical and stuff, but most of these people can’t manage to follow simple instructions when written in plain everyday English so all that authoritative crap is just going to be misinterpreted to hell and back, if you’ll pardon the pun.

  3. Oops, sorry.  I did a refresh on the page, and it resubmitted the comment.  (Disad of having the page address up as a .cgi?)

  4. I can hear “god” now….

    “he.. he… psych!”

    “god” sure seems to do that a lot but then by the time he adds the “…psych” part, the hearer is too medicated to be listening to much of anything.

  5. I killed the dupe entry ***Dave. That is one thing I’ve noticed about the EZ Comment Subscription plugin I installed is that it doesn’t refresh the address bar correctly. I’ll have to contact Oscar about that and see if we can’t remedy it.

  6. The Mr. Tomas very well could have heard a “voice” I see it now. God speaks to him as he is watching the lions. I recall in church (yes I use to be a church goer) Lions were used as a respresentation as those whom feasted on the ‘sheep’, sheep being the followers of christianity.  Sooo…

    God says, ” Go forth and gain an audience of the lions, make them see you way….”

    Mr. Tomas seeing the lions, “Okay…” charging forth not realizing the christian god tends speaks in metaphors.

    Ok enough of my poor sarcasism.

    Or is this just a case once again as a human using that in which they belive to protect them from their stupid acts? Who knows…funny none the less.

  7. Why does this need discussion here peoples.

    We all know what happened. It was a test of faith. God moves in mysterious ways. All you heathens are going to hell. blah blah blah

  8. I may end up going to hell but it sure won’t be via the digestive tract of a large cat.:devil:

  9. Maybe this is evidence in favor of the existance of God?

    I suppose even God must realize some of his flock are a bit too sheepish.  You know, you gotta “thin the herd” a bit, now and then.  Perhaps this is His way of cleaning house, so to speak.

  10. Mr. Tomas didn’t give much thought to what happens to animals that attack people. I hope the zoo doesn’t decide they must euthanatize the lion now.

  11. Now, that’s pretty dumb, but my money’s still on the idiot who went for a swim in the sperm whale’s tank at Seaworld in Queensland. Ended up as a squeaky toy for the big fella…

  12. The only people who cannot understand the words “thy” and “shalt” are the fucking morons who think they’re doing God’s work by feeding themselves to a lion. Or at least trying to feed themselves to a lion. As if the fact that this guy thought he was taking orders from God didn’t prove his stupidity to the fullest extent…he couldn’t even get himself eaten by the lion. I mean…common man, it’s a LION! It’s what they do, eat raw flesh. So with that said, where did God go wrong with this guy? Was it somewhere around fertilization or are his directions just that fuzzy?

  13. I agree with Firemistress, he was attempting to win a Darwin.  When Mr Lion decided Dumb Ass was not feline worthy food, Mr lion just wrestled with him.  All you people out there with cats know how finicky the little monsters are.  So when Dumb Ass failed at his attempt to achieve Darwindom, he ‘claims’ God spoke to him.  I mean, he does not want to admit he is just a Dumb Ass, instead he can cop a lame ass insanity plea and eventually go off and attempt his grab for Darwindom fame via some other penned up, caged vicous animal.  Say by way of a Safari where he runs out to ‘greet’ the wild lions, like in the United Health Commercial.  ROAR!!

  14. God was very much with daniel in the lions den as daniel chose to be punished rather than to bow down to the orders of the king.  God was also very much with the innocent followers of Christ who gave their lives for what they believed.  they were not on tv begging for money, or were they arguing over political issues of their church.  they simply gave their lives and died for a revolutionary cause.  they did not want to they did not ask for it, but they did not deny the risen Savior either.

  15. randall, it’s ok! You can wake up now! Dream or nightmare, it doesn’t really matter. The point is, it was all in your head.

  16. Many people say God told them to do something, but that doesn’t mean that He did. Some politicians “believe in God”, just to get votes. Also, sometimes people think that the voice of the devil is the voice of God. If it doesn’t conform with Scripture it probably wasn’t the voice of God.

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