I’ve mentioned before that I am an adult who has the condition commonly referred to as ADD and that I’m currently taking medication to off-set the effects of that condition. The problem with relying on medication for something like this is that you have to take it every day for the rest of your life if you want to continue to receive the benefits from it. Being a difference in how the brain is hardwired makes ADD something that can’t be “cured” even if I wanted to, which I don’t because it brings with it as many advantages as it does disadvantages.
Still, it can be tricky at times to recognize just how the medication is helping me to focus my attention and get through the day. That is until I run out, like I have recently. I’ve been off my prescription for the past week due to the fact that the counselor I see having moved from one clinic to another. As a counselor he’s unable to prescribe the medication so I have to see the new clinic’s psychiatrist before my prescription can be renewed and that hasn’t happened yet. As a result I’ve run out.
I managed to survive 30 years without being aware of my ADD, let alone having any medication to help me deal with it, so I didn’t think missing a few days would be that big of a deal. The fact that it can be difficult to tell when the meds are working doesn’t help. Even with medication ADD still affects my life because the meds only help to reduce my distractability, it doesn’t eliminate it. There are bad days when my ADD comes shining through despite being on medication for it and on those days I find it difficult to accomplish anything. Without the meds my distractability has returned to where it was before and I’m coming home from work mentally exhausted. You can see the change right here in my blog as well. The number of entries for the past few days has been unusually light in part because I can’t keep my attention focused long enough to formulate what I consider to be a decent entry. I haven’t paid as much attention to the news either so some of the stuff I’d normally be ranting about has escaped my attention. I’ve been gaming quite a bit more lately and even that is having a hard time holding my attention and I’ve been feeling restless and creatively frustrated. There’s at least three web designs I’ve been working on that aren’t going anywhere at the moment because I can’t get my ideas out of my head and into the computer.
It’s amazing how much one little pill a day can make a difference in your life. I’m not fond of the idea of having to take this pill every day just so I can focus my attention a little better. It’s too much like relying on a crutch when I should be able to just do what needs to be done, but after the past few days I can’t deny that it is a big help. My caffeine intake has gone up considerably as a form of compensation. Many people with ADD are caffeine junkies as form of unaware self-medication. I can’t wait to get my prescription refilled.
Even as I sit here typing this I’m going over it in my head and trying to decide if it makes any sense or is even worth posting. I’m not entirely sure what my point was supposed to be outside of “having ADD can suck” or something along those lines. I suppose I felt the need to explain my lack of updates as of late. Or maybe I just wanted to show folks how ADD can affect your life. Or maybe I’m just being whiny. I’m not sure.