Due to the fact that your job mainly involves sitting in front of a PC all day swilling coffee and stuffing donuts in your face the Company(TM) has started to notice an increase in poundage by more of our technical staff than we care to admit. Heavier employees mean increased insurance costs, a growing office furniture repair bill, and tons of lost productivity from employees who can no longer reach their keyboards to do their work.
In our ongoing effort to raise shareholder’s profits and decrease employee morale the Company(TM) has decided it is time to introduce an Employee Fitness Program. We have replaced your normal cubical chair with a new model that will allow you to get in the exercise you so badly need while still able to operate your development workstation. Field testing has shown that not only will this help to ensure that all employees work off any excess pounds they may have picked up from too many four hour meetings, but there is an added benefit of energy savings when coupled with a small generator. One set of 50 cubicles can provide all the power needs of all the combined workstations and any excess power can be re-sold to the utility company at a profit.
It is our sincere hope that this change will be seen for the positive improvement to your work life that we insist it will be. As always employees with questions or concerns about this new program are encouraged to contact the Human Resources Employee Relations and Downsizing Office to discuss their concerns in depth.