Seems fans of Britney Spears in England are all upset because they think the pop star snubbed them at the premier of her movie in London. Spears was an hour late arriving and spent only a couple of minutes waving to fans who had been waiting upwards of six hours for a chance to see her before being whisked inside. Six hours? Six friggin’ hours?!?
My first thought is simply: What the hell is wrong with those people? Granted, I’m no big fan of Britney Spears, but I can’t think of a single actor/singer/performer anywhere that I would stand around waiting for six hours just to see on the off-chance they might sign an autograph or look in my direction. Even in my youth I was never able to understand why anyone would be so star-struck as to waste any significant amount of time just to get an autograph. I’ve had plenty of opportunities at various comic book conventions and the like over the years to wait in line to meet whatever star was present, but I rarely bothered to do so especially if the line looked to take more than 5 minutes worth of waiting. I never saw the point. The vast majority of stars are never going to remember me from the countless other gushing fans they met that day and nothing I could say would be any more meaningful than anything they had already heard a thousand times before. That and I can think of about a hundred other things I could be doing other than wasting my time for a brief encounter than doesn’t really amount to anything.
Which isn’t to say I haven’t met my fair share of famous people. I once had the pleasure of taking a piss in the same restroom at the same time as Tom Selleck one year when he was in Detroit for some parade that was taking place. I’m happy to report that Tom isn’t one of the men I mentioned earlier who take a hands-off approach to public urination. Back when I was seriously debating a career in stand-up comedy and was participating in open mic nights at various comedy clubs in Detroit I happened to bump into Tim Allen who managed to avoid telling me outright how badly I sucked. More recently I bumped into former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop at an airport in West Virginia where I couldn’t help but walk up to him and ask “Hey buddy, got a smoke?” He didn’t think I was very funny either.
There have been others I’ve met including a lot of actors and singers who are still relatively unknown by the greater public, but in none of those cases did I stand around waiting for six hours just to get a possible autograph. Though I will admit that I did once drive 15 hours straight to meet a couple of actors I am a big fan of, but only because they sent me an email and asked if I was going to be at the same convention so they could meet me. I also got to spend the whole weekend hanging out with them and pretending to be a part of their entourage and generally doing all the fun stuff you always hear about entourages doing. Now, if Britney were to email me with a similar invitation I’d be happy to pack my bags, but otherwise I won’t be standing around waiting with baited breath for her arrival someplace anytime soon.