This story at CNN deals with a woman who is predicting that space aliens will be making a dramatic first appearance on the world stage at the Winter Olympics. Known as The Brotherhood of Light these aliens purport to come in peace with the hope of uniting all of mankind into one big happy disfunctional family. The woman involved, as you would expect, claims to have had many previous encounters with these aliens starting at age 13 and she says they have instructed her to inform the world to expect their arrival sometime between noon and 5 P.M. on Thursday the 21st.
Hmmm, according to my clock it’s now Friday the 22nd and I don’t recall hearing any news reports on NPR this morning about large UFO’s so much as making a quick pass over the Olympic Village, let alone landing and handing out complimentary breath mints and solutions to all our Earthly problems. Not to say that the woman making the prediction was crackpot or anything, but I’m personally getting really tired of all these people claiming that aliens are going to land “any second now” and teach us all how to be wonderfully amazingly wonderful to each other only to have them (the aliens) remember important dental appointments at the last minute and cancel. Still, this is probably for the best as I’ve seen a number of UFO related films at the local theatre and most of the aliens that arrive claiming to peaceful end up wanting to suck your eyeballs out of your skull or something and we end up having to resort to the dangerous mis-use of Macintosh computers or fire extinguishers to get rid of them.
Personally, considering how vulnerable any new arrivals to our world will probably be to the various germs on our planet as was demonstrated in the excellent documentary film War of the Worlds, I think as a matter of National Security the government should form a special branch of the military compsed entirely of cold and flu sufferers. This would be a specially trained group of soldiers who would be kept in a perpetual state of illness with various different strains of cold and flu virus and who would be on standby in preparation for the arrival of any potentially dangerous aliens. Upon being notified of a UFO landing on the White House Lawn, this team would spring into action and immediately surround the craft in question ready to sneeze and cough on any aliens who might emerge. Considering the recent rise in unemployment as well as the rise in patriotism, I’m sure we can find a large number of people willing to sign up for this special branch of the military and the cost-savings over developing more traditional forms of defense would be huge. Especially when you consider that the aliens are almost always invulnerable to most of the missiles we have today. I can think of at least a dozen people off top of my head that I personally know that always seem to be sick with something and whom, if necessary, we could probably draft in the event of an alien crisis. Put that NyQuil down, your country needs you!