San Benito Teacher Replaced After Bizarre Classroom Rant About Jesus, Mary Magdalene, UFOs & The Apocalypse – Houston News.

Before the teacher was done, she told a roomful of alternately jeering and frightened public school students that Jesus Christ impregnated Mary Magdalene just before his crucifixion. Then she switched to Spanish and over the objections of her students, elaborated at great length on her beliefs.

She told the class that Jesus fell in love with Mary Magdalene when he was 12. They met while he was piloting a boat across the sea. Mary was on the shore, weeping after a bad breakup, the teacher continued, and Jesus saw her and invited her aboard. Mary soon fell in love with Jesus’ eyes, and he kissed her. After that, she says, they were seen together at parks and parties, according to a bilingual commenter’s line-by-line translation at valleycentral.com.

[...] She said that an army of God was coming to destroy this world on December 21, 2012, but not to worry, because Jesus had created another planet that was more beautiful than this one, a Utopia full of waterfalls where everybody was always 25 years old, where money does not exist, but Christmas does, complete with Santa Claus.

And it just keeps getting better from there. Go read the full article for the rest of her claims.

The school has yanked the teacher from her position and replaced her with a sub for the rest of the year. They’re claiming that this is all the result of a bad reaction she had to some of he medication, but it sounds more like she needs to be medicated. The thing is, this isn’t the first time she’s made such proclamations and when asked by a reporter why she said these things her reply was “Because it’s true.” They followed up with her husband who would only say that his wife likes teaching and keep your fucking nose out of our business.

Based on the YouTube video (embedded below)  one of her students made of her outburst, I’m inclined to think she believes every word of it. And, again, I have to point out that from an atheistic standpoint I’ve got as much reason to believer her claims as I do any other Christian. Who’s to say that Jesus hasn’t been in contact with her and plans to marry her and bring an army of UFOs this coming December? Nothing she said is all that much more outrageous that a lot of stuff you’ll find in the Bible. Given an all powerful yet mysterious God who does things we struggle to understand it’s hard to see how we can question any of the claims she makes. Yet I bet most Christians will say she’s clearly delusional and talking nonsense without the slightest whiff of self-awareness in doing so.

Here’s that fun YouTube video:

It reads as follows:

BE THE FAUCET

NOT THE DRAIN

IT’S UP TO YOU!

Um, OK?

I know it’s supposed to be a metaphor, but I’m not sure why a faucet is a positive thing while a drain is a negative thing. If your basement is flooded you’re going to grow an appreciation for having some way of draining it and a faucet can be a problem if you can’t shut it off. Perhaps they mean that Christians should do all the talking and not bother listening as a sure-fire way to win converts? It’d certainly be a good way to avoid being exposed to new or differing ideas.

Does anyone have a clue what the hell this is supposed to mean? Is it not as stupid as my brain seems to think it is? I’m probably over thinking it. Wouldn’t be the first time.

The latest message, for example, is about friends and it reads:

FRIENDS – GOD’S WAY OF
TAKING CARE OF YOU

I couldn’t help but chuckle at how Christian the logic of that statement is. Friends are a wonderful thing to have and the lengths some of them will go to help you out when you’re troubled is simply amazing, there’s not doubt about any of that. I cherish each and every one of the people I consider to be my friends even though some of them I’ve never met in person.

The problem I have with this statement is that it takes all the credit for the love and assistance provided to you by your friends and hands it over to God, who is apparently too damned busy making crude drawings of his mom or his “son” in random inanimate objects to bother helping you directly when you could really use it. It also suggests that the only reason you have any friends at all is because God cared enough to manipulate them into your life instead of, say, you being a decent enough person that people might actually like you for who you are. The whole sentiment just rubs me the wrong way.

Give credit where credit is due. If your friends stick by you in tough times and help out where they can then it’s because they are awesome friends, not because God has manipulated them into doing his work for him. To me this is just another lame attempt to excuse the lack of evidence for God(s) interacting in day to day affairs by misattributing credit to something that doesn’t exist.

Seriously, you’ve got to know how to make it unambiguously clear to people. Speak to them in a fashion they will clearly understand.

Though I’m willing to bet that as soon as he’s dead the True Believers™ would still find a way to “interpret” this message to mean what they want it to.

You remember Mr. Camping, right? The preacher who predicted the world would end on May 21st of 2011? If you’ve been paying attention then you know he was wrong. Then he doubled down and said that it was a spiritual rapture and that the real one would occur 5 months later in October. That one, also, failed to happen. It was shortly after that that he announced he was retiring.

He’s not going to leave us hanging without a proper explanation. Seems he just put out a news release wherein he admits that he was wrong and was pretty stupid for trying to predict when Jesus would come knocking in the first place:

Harold Camping Admits Rapture Prediction Was ‘Sinful Statement’.

We have learned the very painful lesson that all of creation is in God’s hands and He will end time in His time, not ours! We humbly recognize that God may not tell His people the date when Christ will return, any more than He tells anyone the date they will die physically.

We realize that many people are hoping they will know the date of Christ’s return. In fact for a time Family Radio fell into that kind of thinking. But we now realize that those people who were calling our attention to the Bible’s statement that “of that day and hour knoweth no man” (Matthew 24:36 & Mark 13:32), were right in their understanding of those verses and Family Radio was wrong. Whether God will ever give us any indication of the date of His return is hidden in God’s divine plan.

That said, Camping insists that there’s still an upside to his exercise in idiocy:

The May 21 campaign was an astounding event if you think about its impact upon this world. There is no question that millions, if not billions of people heard for the first time the Bible’s warning that Jesus Christ will return. Huge portions of this world that had never read or seen a Bible heard the message the Christ Jesus is coming to rapture His people and destroy this natural world.

Yes, we humbly acknowledge we were wrong about the timing; yet though we were wrong God is still using the May 21 warning in a very mighty way. In the months following May 21 the Bible has, in some ways, come out from under the shadows and is now being discussed by all kinds of people who never before paid any attention to the Bible. We learn about this, for example, by the recent National Geographic articles concerning the King James Bible and the apostles. Reading about and even discussing about the Bible can never be a bad thing, even if the Bible’s authenticity is questioned or ridiculed. The world’s attention has been called to the Bible.

Right, because no one was talking or writing about the Bible before Camping starting making his end-of-the-world predictions.

Truth is, the only thing the world’s attention was brought to was what a bunch of idiots followers of Harold Camping were. More than one of them sold or gave away everything they owned and spent all their savings because they honestly thought there was no tomorrow past May 21st. Lots of others quit their jobs and wasted money on billboards and fliers and generally being obnoxious to everyone they met about the coming End of Days. If you go read the whole statement from Mr. Camping you’ll note that he doesn’t even mention these people in it.

In fact, the only person (of such) that he asks for forgiveness from is God:

We were even so bold as to insist that the Bible guaranteed that Christ would return on May 21 and that the true believers would be raptured. Yet this incorrect and sinful statement allowed God to get the attention of a great many people who otherwise would not have paid attention. Even as God used sinful Balaam to accomplish His purposes, so He used our sin to accomplish His purpose of making the whole world acquainted with the Bible. However, even so, that does not excuse us. We tremble before God as we humbly ask Him for forgiveness for making that sinful statement. We are so thankful that God is so loving that He will forgive even this sin.

What about all those idiots you convinced to voluntarily ruin their lives for your cause? Don’t you think they might like an apology and, perhaps, a bit of contrition from you? You did no harm to God (mainly because he doesn’t exist) but you did a lot of real-world harm to others. Fuck them, right? It’s their own damn fault they were dumb enough to listen to you in the first place. That seems to be the message we should take away from Mr. Camping.

But I suppose we should give him a little credit. At least he’s given up the prediction game. Unlike some others we’ve followed here at SEB that are well into the hundreds of wrong guesses. That’s the real upside to this whole mess.