Thinking that the eels would make him look ten years younger, Nan dived into the water and let . . . → Read More: My life may not be perfect, but at least I haven’t had THIS happen to me.]]> Vanity can be a dangerous thing. Some of the stuff people do to try and look younger is often silly and can come with some unconsidered risks. Take, for example, bathing with eels to remove dead skin:

Thinking that the eels would make him look ten years younger, Nan dived into the water and let them feast upon layers of dead skin.

But after laying in the spa bath, Nan felt a sharp pain and realised a small eel was working its way up his urethra and into his bladder.

‘I climbed into the bath and I could feel the eels nibbling my body. But then suddenly I felt a severe pain and realised a small eel had gone into the end of my penis,’ the 56-year-old from Honghu, Hubei province said.

Oh yeah, that would definitely ruin my day. I’ll leave out the photograph of the eel from the original article, but you can see it at the link above if you’re really that curious.

It took three hours of surgery to remove the six-inch eel from the man’s bladder where, fortunately, it had already expired thus limiting the damage done. Still I’m sure it’s a traumatizing experience which probably isn’t helped by the fact that all his friends will forevermore refer to him as “eel dick.”

This is why I try to keep my sense of vanity as low as possible. I do the basic grooming stuff like bathing, shampooing what little hair I have, using deodorants, etc., but I don’t bother with worrying about how wrinkly I’m getting or whether I’ve used the proper amount of moisturizer on my skin. I’m getting old and I look like I’m getting old and I don’t really give a damn that I look like I’m getting old. Looking younger is just not worth having some tiny animal try to crawl it’s way up inappropriate orifices in ways both painful and embarrassing.

Who am I kidding? I find this funny as hell:

“Most college students returned for the spring semester rested and relaxed. Amon Carter IV headed back to class with the mark of his fraternity burned into his backside.The family of Texas Christian University student, who . . . → Read More: Frat boy’s ass branded by his “brothers” while he’s passed out.]]> Here’s a tragic story of a fraternity initiation gone awry.

Who am I kidding? I find this funny as hell:

“Most college students returned for the spring semester rested and relaxed. Amon Carter IV headed back to class with the mark of his fraternity burned into his backside.The family of Texas Christian University student, who returned from a winter break ski trip with second and third-degree burns from being branded by his fraternity brothers, have already hired a lawyer to pressure school officials and police to punish all involved.

Carter, who goes by Chance, will require surgery to repair the damage done to his buttocks with a hot coat hanger after he passed out during a night of drinking.

Apparently it’s not enough to be obnoxiously insufferable once you join a fraternity these days; now you have to be branded as well. Not surprisingly, the family already has plans to sue… someone… over the incident.

Interestingly enough I only just learned about this practice the other day from one of the kids here at work when I noticed the bottom part of what turned out to be a huge letter I that had been crudely branded in his bicep. I was incredulous that he had had it done intentionally as it makes even the worst tattoo look like art by Michelangelo. There was also the fact that this kid was black which made the brand suggest some slave imagery to me and I was surprised he’d want to make that a permanent part of his body, but apparently this is something that’s been common among African-American fraternities for some time now:

Branding has been a rite of passage in black fraternities for decades, but is still a fairly uncommon ritual among white fraternity members.

Lawrence Ross Jr., author of “The Divine Nine: The History of African American Fraternities and Sororities,” told ABCNews.com that he’s starting to hear more and more cases of branding among white fraternities, which he attributed to Internet videos and pictures glorifying the ritual.

“I tend to look at it as a personal choice,” Ross said, adding that he chose a tattoo, not a brand, during his frat days with Alpha Phi Alpha.

Our hero here, however, is white and the brand he got looks like it makes sitting down an uncomfortable activity:

Texas Christian University student Amon Carter IV and his amazing ass brand.

Johnson, who is close to the TCU sophomore, told ABCNews.com that Chance Carter had drunkenly consented to letting his fraternity brothers finish branding his rear with the Kappa Sigma symbols, a mark he had started during spring break, unbeknownst to his family.But his fraternity brothers took it upon themselves to continue the branding — this time large triangles to represent the Tri Delta Sorority — on his other buttock while he was passed out.

Johnson said the Tri Delta mark was mingled with numerous other brands, most of which are unrecognizable, since they overlap.

“They are large,” she said.

As if this story weren’t already awesome enough, it turns out that Amon Carter IV comes from a very wealthy and renowned family:

The Carters are one of the most prominent families in Forth Worth. Amon G. Carter was the president and publisher of the Forth Worth Star-Telegram newspaper in the 1920s and was credited with bringing several major businesses to the area, including a General Motors assembly plant and the company now known as Lockheed-Martin.

[...]

Craven said the Carters, who brought Chance Carter to the emergency room for treatment as soon as he returned home, have already consulted with a plastic surgeon who estimated it would take at least six procedures to repair.

Craven said the possibility of a lawsuit is “nothing I can say at this point.”

“As far as I’m concerned,” Johnson said, “his backside is a crime scene.”

It’s hard to say whether there’s anything that can be done, other than the plastic surgery, in this case. Amon did technically consent to the procedure before he passed out so it’s possible the people directly responsible might not be charged with a crime. As for suing, well, the family is already pretty wealthy so it’s hard to see the point outside of revenge.

If I were dumb enough to allow a bunch of drunken frat buddies to take a hot coat hanger and draw doodles on my ass I’d just write it off as a lesson learned the hard way and try to move on as best I could considering that my hips would probably catch on the inside of my jeans when I walked from that point forward.

Electronic Arts is running a Dante’s Inferno contest at Comic-Con that promises “a sinful night with two hot girls” as . . . → Read More: Electronic Arts wants you to sin with a booth babe at Comic Con. (#Blogathon)]]> Seems EA is once again trying a potentially controversial promotion for their upcoming game Dante’s Inferno at this year’s Comic Con. They’re hold a contest where the price is a date with a booth babe:

Electronic Arts is running a Dante’s Inferno contest at Comic-Con that promises “a sinful night with two hot girls” as a reward for snagging multiple pictures with any booth babes—or, as the contest puts it, committing “acts of lust.”

The promotional flier asks entrants to Facebook, Twitter or email in their pictures with booth babes. The grand prize winner, handpicked by EA staff, wins “a night with the hottest girl at Comic-Con, dinner, booty and more.”

Since when did EA get into the pimping business? That’s what their promotion makes it sound like they’re doing anyway.

As it turns out EA isn’t really serious about you sinning with the boot babes. The official rules at www.sintowin.com forbid any actual sinning:

“Judges reserve the right, in their sole and absolute discretion, to disqualify any Submissions that are inappropriate for any reason, including without limitation, for depicting or mentioning sex, violence, drugs, alcohol and/or inappropriate language,” reads the fine print.

So apparently they want you to run around getting your picture taken with as many booth babes as possible and “committing acts of lust” but they don’t want any pictures that depict or mention sex or any of the other potential sins one might engage in. Seems somewhat contradictory, doesn’t it? Do they really expect these people to read the fine print and abide by it? I feel a little sorry for any booth babes they end up caught up in this promotion. This could go badly very quickly.