China has an amazing non-firework fireworks display.

Fireworks originated in China so it’s easy to see why they’d be a big deal there, but back at the beginning they were reserved for rich people to enjoy. What do you do when you live in a poor rural part of the country, but still want to ring in the Chinese New Year? Well, you get the local blacksmith to put on a show by hurling molten metal on the city’s wall:

This is amazing both for its beauty and its absurdity. My favorite part of it is the fact that the blacksmith holds no illusions about how stupidly dangerous this is and makes no grandiose claims that it’s the most beautiful form of fireworks. Just that, hey, we’ve been doing this for 500 years so why not?

I miss drinking cola.

I gave up drinking regular sodas in my early thirties and diet colas in 2011 which means it’s been 5 years since I’ve last tasted a cola of any kind.

I really miss it.

Most days I’m fine and it doesn’t cross my mind, but then something happens and I’m reminded how much I loved Coca Cola in particular and colas in general. Today it’s my cubemate sitting across from me with a Diet Coke. He’s not flaunting it or anything, it’s just sitting there on his desk and he’s taking occasional sips from it.

And it looks so good.

These days 98% of what I drink in a day is plain old tap water. I start the day with a cup or two of coffee and then it’s my 32 ounce water bottle for the rest of the day. Anne’s been including small cans of tomato juice in my lunch the last week or so and that’s made for a nice change. Occasionally I’ll have some milk with dinner. Otherwise it’s lots and lots of water.

I hate water. It’s so fucking boring. Putting lemon in it or one of the various flavoring mixes doesn’t help so I just drink it plain, but I hates it. I know I’m better off having given up sodas and drinking more water, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.

I don’t really have a point with all of this, I’m just feeling a bit whiney so I thought I’d get it out of my system.

cocacola

Happy Easter Eve 2016!

pagansexdaySo it’s been a while since I last updated. I keep starting entries and then scrapping them as they’re not turning out the way I feel they should. So for now I’ll wish you a Happy Easter a day early.

Being an atheist, I don’t go in for the usual celebrations, but I did do the whole Easter Bunny thing as a kid with all the egg hunts and criminal amounts of candy that it entails. I don’t have as many fond memories of Easter as I do Christmas probably because I did attend church as a kid and the fun only lasted until you headed to church to hear about how a dead palestinian jew supposedly came back to life for like the four millionth time. It’s kinda like how they can’t do a Batman movie without showing his parents being murdered every single time. The pagan aspects of the holiday are pretty fun though and I’m happy to have a four day weekend.

So if you celebrate Easter in whatever fashion you might choose, here’s hoping you have a happy one that finds you safe, healthy, and surrounded by those you love.

The joy of living near asshole neighbors.

There’s always that one asshole in every neighborhood. I thought it was me, but it turns out I was wrong.

Instead, it’s a family with small children that apparently thinks that qualifies them to use one of the two handicapped spaces in our parking lot. There’s three different vehicles that fight over using that spot because it’s the closest to our building and none of them have handicapped tags. I’ve watched them park there and unload the car even when the spot RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO IT is open. Apparently that extra 2 feet they’d have to walk is just too much for them. 99% of the time there’s is an available spot elsewhere in the lot they could’ve parked, but they choose not to because apparently the rules don’t apply to them.

Meet the Asshole Family.

Meet the Asshole Family. That black SUV in the next spot? that’s one of the other two cars that fight over the handicapped spot.

What happens when the lot, including the handicapped spots, are full?

That’s what I was greeted with when I stepped out the door this morning. The windows are fogged so that SUV has been on the sidewalk all night long. There’s a lot at the end of the sidewalk in that last pic that’s just across the street that we were told we should use if our lot is full. That lot is never full. It’s an extra 30 feet. I’ve parked there when I’ve had to. We go over there occasionally anyway as that’s where our building’s dumpsters are located.

I really hate to think I’ve evolved into that cranky bastard neighbor, but it appears that I have and I’ve contacted the Canton Township police department about these asshats. I know in the grand scheme of things this is a relatively minor offense, but I have bad knees and I still walk the extra distance when I have to. I have friends and family that have legit handicapped stickers who would not be able to make use of this spot because some asshole thinks their toddlers can’t walk the extra distance without being abducted or something.

Hey, at least I haven’t left them passive-aggressive printouts on their windshield… yet.

If I ever meet the person that came up with coffee cake…

… I would give them a big kiss on the lips. It’s brilliant. Cake you can eat with coffee at breakfast time. That’s a man and/or woman who said “Fuck your conventions! I WANT CAKE FOR BREAKFAST!”

Mmmmmmmm. Coffee cake.

Mmmmmmmm. Coffee cake.

 

And now for something completely different: The Wintergatan Marble Machine

I cannot begin to imagine how one would begin to build something as amazing as this is.

Wintergatan’s YouTube channel has a number of videos of the build process if you’re curious.

It won’t be long now…

springcorner

I’ve been waiting a whole year to use this image.

A belated birthday to my momma.

I could’ve sworn I had written an entry on Monday wishing my mother a happy birthday, but all evidence points to the contrary so I must have dreamt about it or something. As a result, I am late in wishing her a very happy 81st birthday.

momma81

Happy Birthday, Mom! I wish I could think of something profound to say right about now, but I’m coming up with nothing other than I love you and here’s to another 81 years!

This is why I don’t watch horror movies.

I watched the horror movie Pay the Ghost last night and now I can’t get to sleep. Not because I’m too frightened, but because I can’t stop thinking about how the whole fucking story makes no sense whatsoever. It’s literally annoying me awake.

I’m debating writing or vlogging an entry about it that would completely spoil the movie not only by revealing the entirety of the plot, but also by pointing out how stupid it is.

An explanation on why setting your iPhone to 1/1/1970 will brick it.

There’s been a rather nasty meme going around on Facebook recently that suggests there’s an easter egg in iOS that will give your iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch a retro looking original Macintosh theme if you set it’s clock back to January 1st, 1970:

NOTE: DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS!

NOTE: DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS!

What really happens if you do the above is you’ll end up with an essentially bricked iPhone that isn’t able to get past the boot screen. The reason why has to do with how dates and times are stored in most operating systems these days and a bug someplace in iOS. YouTuber Tom Scott has put together a handy little explanation on what is probably happening and why:

So, as a PSA to those folks out there who have one of these devices, don’t try to set the clock back to January 1st, 1970 unless you want a very expensive paperweight. Presumably Apple will get around to patching this bug at some point, but even when they do there’s not a good reason to do it anyway as there is no easter egg associated with that date.