They called again today and I hit 1 and asked the voice at the other end to please tell me the name of the company he works for - all the recording says is Consumer Services - and he gave me the equally vague Warranty Services and that they work with a number of different warranty providers. I then asked for an address which generated an abrupt “We not allowed to give that info out” and an immediate hang up. So digging around on the Internet for info about this company the most likely candidate appears to be some outfit called Allied American Warranty based out of Miami Florida (80 SW 8th Street Ste 1920, Miami FL 33130 1-888-690-4926) so I gave them a rang at that number and explained that if I didn’t stop getting calls on my cellphone that I would be filing a complaint with the FTC, BBB, and whomever else I could find. Again I was assured that my number would be removed and I hung up.

It occurred to me then that I wasn’t sure if I had ever added my cell number to the National Do Not Call Registry. I hadn’t thought it would be necessary as I was under the impression that telemarketing calls made to cell phones was already a no-no and, as it turns out, it is:

Federal Communications Commission (FCC) regulations prohibit telemarketers from using automated dialers to call cell phone numbers. Automated dialers are standard in the industry, so most telemarketers are barred from calling consumers on their cell phones without their consent.

The national associations representing telemarketers have stated that their members do not intend to start calling consumers’ cell phones.

It seems the folks at Allied American Warranty haven’t read that particular part of the FTC website. Based on the number of people bitching about this particular phone number on Who Calls Me.com they don’t really care that they’re breaking the law as a lot of people are getting these calls on their cell phone. Surprisingly enough there’s not a whole lot of information about this company on the net. If you type “Allied American Warranty” into Google you won’t even get their homepage (I got the link from the thread on Who Calls Me) and I suspect that they probably change their name often. Clicking on the “Click here to learn more” link on the Allied American Warranty website takes you to a different webpage for Consumer Direct Warranty Services which may may not be a separate company.

The one other site of note where Allied American Warranty are mentioned is in an ad looking for telemarketers on Craig’s List:

Im looking for strong and dedicated individuals that want to make money!!

If you have telemarketing experiance and is a herd working get back to me ASAP!!
We are located in the BRICKELL business center…
We sell EXTENDED CAR WARRANTIES so is a fast pace call room and the potential to make money is large!!

Fax me your resume!
Put attention ERICK

Erick Matute
Allied American Warranty
FAX:3058102843

NOTE: DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADD, JUST FAX ME RESUME!!

• Location: Miami
• Compensation: Hourly plus COMMISSION!!!
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

There’s quite a bit of irony in someone who is responsible for millions of unsolicited phone calls asking folks not to call him about the job or with solicitations.

Mr. Erick Matute certainly does get around though and seems to be a bit cavalier in using his real name. In addition to trying to sell you extended warranty coverage you don’t need he also has a has a spam blog - oddly enough named “Shopping for Less Inc.“ - with six entries that all have a variation on the same “learn the secrets of women” pitch that links to some other scam website, he used to have a listing (link goes to a Google Cache) on ListSomething.com where he claimed to be a “PRIVATE EQUITY BROKER” with the following pitch:

***CAPITAL STONE GROUP***

WORKING CAPITAL IS REALLY NEEDED FOR YOUR BUSINESS?!?!?
OUR PRIVATE FIRM CAN HELP YOU MOVE FOWARD…

IN 5-7DAYS THE MONEY CAN BE IN YOUR COMPANY ACCOUNT!!!!!
TO QUALIFY YOU MUST BE IN BUSINESS AT LEAST 6MONTHS AND PROCESS $2500 OR MORE IN CREDIT CARDS…

ERICK MATUTE
PRIVATE EQUITY BROKER
305-810-2860
[link deleted]

The Capitol Stone Group website at least looks semi-professional compared to the others. And last, but not least, he appears to have a Facebook page. Not that you can see a whole lot there, but it at least confirms his location in Miami. I’m not entirely sure what position Mr. Matute holds in the company that keeps spamming my cell phone, but he is the most visible person associated with Allied American Warranty and thus could be useful when contacting the FTC to complain. Based on the number of pies he has his hand in I suspect he runs a number of front companies that make their money by annoying the hell out of people in hopes a few idiots will agree to allow him to pass them along to a different company which may or may not be a scam.

The Allied American Warranty company is the only telemarketing solicitation I’ve ever received on my cell phone and that’s still one too many. I’ll be digging around a bit more to see if I can find out anything more about the company and the people who run it in hopes of perhaps putting them out of business or, at the very list, get them to stop calling cell phones.

The page lists a lot of bullshit reasons why these cables are supposedly so good for audio playback that only the hyper-credulous could ever buy into, but it has spawned one bit of awesomeness and that’s the greatest Amazon.com customer reviews page ever seen by mortal man. I swear some of these folks must be ad copy people doing work for the Q-Ray and Q-Link scams. Here’s one of my favorites written by customer S. V. Bugaj:

Many people have posted here who appear not to understand the science behind Denon’s cabling and its superior hyperphasal multibit inductive ultraconductance technologies. They assume that there is no way to improve upon the transmissive properties of copper cabling (mainly because they don’t understand the properties of alloying megacopper), or to create a better-than-normal digital signal (BTND coding). I would give this cable eleventy million stars if I could, and once you understand, so will you.

In order to clear things up for the scitards, let me quote to you from the original Denon research literature by Quick & Salwen:

“Work has been proceeding in order to bring perfection to the crudely conceived idea of a new cable technology that will not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase detractors, but will also be capable of automatically synchronizing cardinal grammeters. Despite the claims of some critics, such a cable is possible. We call it the Turbo-encable-ator.

The cabling system has a base-plate connector of prefabulated amulite, surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two spurving bearings are in a direct line with the pentametric fan. The main cable winding is of the normal lotus-o-delta type placed in panendermic semi-boloid slots in the stator, every seventh conductor being connected by a nonreversible tremble pipe to the differential girdlespring on the ‘up’ end of the grammeters.

Forty-one manestically spaced grouting brushes are arranged to feed into the pulse phasing slipstream a mixture of high S-value phenylhydrobenzamine and 5% reminative tetryliodohexamine. Both of these liquids have specific pericosities given by P = 2.5C.n^6-7 where n is the diathetical evolute of retrograde temperature phase disposition and C is Cholmondeley’s annular grillage coefficient. Initially, n was measured with the aid of a metapolar refractive pilfrometer, but up to the present date nothing has been found to equal the transcendental hopper dadoscope. It is clear from this that intrapolarphasal preteslence is now empraxified, correlating with an increase in conductive hyperplatitization.

Electrical engineers will appreciate the difficulty of nubbing together a regurgitative purwell and a supramitive wennelsprock. Indeed, this proved to be a stumbling block to further development until, in 1992, it was found that the use of anhydrous nangling pins enabled a kryptonastic boiling shim to the tankered. Spooling of the reframublant diaphanator became possible, allowing for cromulence.

Our early attempts to construct a sufficiently robust spiral decommutator failed, potentially dooming the project, largely because of a lack of appreciation of the large quasi-piestic stresses in the gremlin strands; the latter were specially designed to hold the roffit windings to the spamshaft. When, however, it was discovered that wending could be prevented by a simple addition to the living sockets, almost perfect running was secured. With this problem overcome, we were able to initiate googolpolar preferatory unbinding.

The operating point is maintained as near as possible to the h.f. rem peak by constantly fromaging the bitumogenous spandrels. This is a distinct advance on the standard nivel-sheave in that no dramcock gel is required after the phase detractors have been remissed. Such advances allow for non-holoxified, doubly-flexocorrigent operation.

Undoubtedly, the Turbo-encable-ator has now reached a very high level of technical development. It has been successfully used for generating nofer trunnions. In addition, whenever a barescent skor signal is required, the cable connector may be employed in conjunction with a drawn reciprocating dingle arm to reduce sinusoidal depleneration.“

Now that you know the science behind these amazing cables, you can see just what an amazing advance they truly are. With all that R&D behind them, they’d be cheap at twice the price. I haven’t listened to any music across them yet, but all relevant synthetic cableometrics show that the AKDL1 are operates at a very advanced level and should be more than suitable for hyperlistening.

If I ever get around to actually selling my soon-to-be-patented Anti-Alien Anal Probe Ass Shield you can bet your ass I’ll hire Mr. Bugaj to write my ad copy! And that’s just one of many hilarious customer reviews that only the deeply sarcasm impaired could ever mistake as being real.

Found via Boing Boing Gadgets.

By golly that does look vaguely like a gnome. Or at least someone surprisingly small dressed up like a gnome. According to this article in The Sun it’s been “terrorizing the citizens there for quite a while now:

COPS in a town plagued by sightings of a creepy ‘gnome’ have launched a full-scale investigation - after records showed locals have reported seeing the creature for DECADES.

The knee-high person - who wears a pointy hat and has a distinctive sideways walk – was caught on video two weeks ago by a terrified group of youngsters.

Millions of stunned people viewed the chilling clip after The Sun reported the tale - with some sceptics claiming the footage just showed a dwarf causing mischief.

Yeah, that’d be my guess. Someone very small who’s having some fun with some extremely credulous people.

Only weeks before it was captured on camera, spooked rail workers called the police to say they had spotted the crab-walking gnome side-stepping its way around the train tracks at night.

National newspaper El Tribuno has reported that fear is now so widespread that the town mayor Salta has been inundated with calls from terrified locals and has launched a full scale police enquiry into the affair.

He said: “I am a little sceptical because I have never personally seen these gnomes - but it’s definitely possible that they exist.

“People here believe in them and we have to respect that.

“I do not think that it is completely impossible. Gnomes are part of our culture here.”

And Police Commissionaire, José Luis Núñez - who has been charged with tracking down the creature’s lair, said: “I personally believe in gnomes as I saw one when I was a child.

“But so far we have not been able to determine whether the figure on tape was real or not.“

A local poll showed 90 per cent of General Guemes 30,000 residents believed gnomes stalked the streets at night.

Wow, all this excitement over a little dude in a hat who walks sideways. What do they expect this gnome to do? Bite their ankles off? It doesn’t appear to move very fast and you could probably drop kick it into the next county if it tried to attack you so stop being a bunch of pussies. The next time one of you sees it walk right up to it and figure out just what the hell it is. That’s what I’d do. I’d probably call my friends over too on the off-chance it might be worthwhile to tackle the little bastard and reveal just what it is so people can stop acting like idiots about it.

Or maybe not. Perhaps this is the only fun that little person has. In that case I’d see if I couldn’t make friends and then help spread the mischief by finding overly credulous people for him to dance around in front of. Perhaps start up a gnome protection business selling craptastic products to the

idiots

fine citizens of Genera Guemes guaranteed to keep evil gnomes out of their homes. Split the profits with the little gnome dude and call the whole thing “Gnomeland Security.“ Yeah that’d be a great idea!

Pair charged in tarot card curse scheme - Boston.com

NAPERVILLE, Ill.—Authorities say the owners of a suburban Chicago tarot-card reading business have been charged in an alleged plan to defraud customers by persuading them they were cursed.

The DuPage County sheriff’s office says customers of Psychic Tarot Card Reading thought they could only lose the curse by undergoing thousands of dollars worth of counseling.

These two got caught before anyone lost any significant money, but there are dozens of cases of folks losing multiple thousands of dollars to their stupid beliefs in psychics and other “supernatural” nonsense. As always I’m torn between wanting to see justice done to scam artists and letting the overly credulous lose their shirts on the off chance that it’d teach them a lesson, but they seldom seem to learn it.

From: “Robert S. Mueller, III” (fbioffice88@yahoo.co.uk)
Subject: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Website: http://www.fbi.gov
DATE: 03/14/2008

ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY,

  THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ADVICE FROM THE FBI FOREIGN REMITTANCE/TELEGRAPHIC DEPT., IT HAS COME TO OUR NOTICE THAT THE C.B.N BANK
NIGERIA DISTRICT HAS RELEASED 10,500,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO BANK OF AMERICA IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY, BY INHERITANCE MEANS.

  THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FACILITIES TO EFFECT THIS PAYMENT FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM TO YOUR ACCOUNT, USED WHAT WE KNOW AS A SECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT S.T.D.P TO PAY THIS FUND THROUGH WIRE TRANSFER,THEY USED THIS MEANS TO COMPLETE THE PAYMENT.

  THEY ARE STILL, WAITING FOR CONFIRMATION FROM YOU ON THE ALREADY TRANSFERRED FUNDS WHICH WAS MADE IN DIRECT TRANSFER SO THAT THEY CAN DO FINAL CREDITING TO YOUR ACCOUNT. SECRET DIPLOMATIC PAYMENTS ARE NOT MADE UNLESS THE FUNDS ARE RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES WHY MUST YOUR PAYMENT BE MADE IN SECRET TRANSFER , IF YOUR TRANSACTION IS LEGITIMATE,IF YOU ARE NOT A TERRORIST, THEN WHY DID YOU NOT RECEIVE THE MONEY DIRECTLY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT,THIS IS A PURE CODED ,MEANS OF PAYMENT?

  RECORDS WHICH WE HAVE HAD WITH THIS METHOD OF PAYMENT IN THE PAST HAS ALWAYS BEEN RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTS, WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE AS SOON AS THESE FUNDS REFLECT IN YOUR ACCOUNT IN THE U.S.A, SO IT IS OUR DUTY AS A WORD WIDE COMMISSION TO CORRECT THIS LITTLE PROBLEM BEFORE THIS FUND WILL BE CREDITED INTO YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

    DUE TO THE INCREASED DIFFICULTY AND UNNECESSARY SCRUTINY BY THE AMERICAN AUTHORITIES WHEN FUNDS COME FROM OUTSIDE OF EUROPE, AND THE MIDDLE EAST, THE F.B.I BANK COMMISSION FOR EUROPE HAS STOPPED THE TRANSFER ON ITS WAY TO DELIVER PAYMENT OF $10,500,000.00 TO DEBIT YOUR RESERVE ACCOUNT AND PAY YOU THROUGH A SECURED DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT ACCOUNT (S.D.T.A). WE GOVERN AND OVERSEES FUNDS TRANSFER FOR THE WORLD BANK AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.

    WE ADVICE YOU CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY,AS THE FUNDS HAVE BEEN STOPPED AND ARE BEING HELD IN OUR CUSTODY ,UNTIL YOU CAN BE ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH A DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER(DIST) WITHING 3 DAYS FROM THE WORLD LOCAL BANK THAT AUTHORIZE THE TRANSFER FROM WHERE THE FUNDS WAS TRANSFERRED FROM TO CERTIFY THAT THE FUNDS THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM NIGERIA ARE ANTITERRORIST/DRUG FREE OR WE SHALL HAVE CAUSE TO CROSS AND IMPOUND THE PAYMENT,WE SHALL RELEASE THE FUNDS IMMEEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS .
————————————————————————————————————————
  We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involve,we want to make sure is a clean and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund are now in United State in your name , but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them , unless we ask them to do so, because we have to carry out our investigations first before releasing the fund to you. Note that the fund is in the BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have ask them not to credit the fund to you yet, because we need a solid proof and verifications from you before releasing the funds.

  So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI Identification Record and also Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfy to us that the money your about to receive is legitimate and real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don?t have it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds the Bank Of America to go ahead Crediting your account immediately.

  This Documents are to be issued to you from the World Local Bank that Authorized the transfer, so get back to us immediately if you don?t have the document so that we will inform you the particular place to obtain the document in United Kingdom U.K, because we have come to realize that the fund was Authorized by H.S.B.C Bank in London.

  An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service.

THESE CONDITION IS VALID UNTIL 18TH OF MARCH 2008 AFTER WE SHALL TAKE ACTIONS ON CANCELLING THE PAYMENT AND THEN CHARGE YOU FOR ILLEGALLY MOVING FUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA .

GURANTEE: FUNDS WILL BE RELEASED ON CONFIRMATION OF THE DOCUMENT.

————————————————————————————————————————————
FINAL INSTRUCTION:

60F CREDIT PAYMENT INSTRUCTION: IRREVOCABLE CREDIT GUARANTEE
61E BENEFICIARY HAS FULL POWER WHEN VALIDATION IS CLEARED
62 BENNEFICIARIES BANK IN U.S.A., CAN ONLY RELEASE FUNDS-
62 UPON CONFIRMATION FROM THE WORLD BANK/UNITED NATIONS.
64 BEARERS MUST CLEAR BANK PROTOCOL AND VALIDATION REQUEST
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights.. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in U.S.A.

  An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a foreign country or receive funds from another country (i.e., Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history background, etc.)

                              FBI Director
                          Robert S. Mueller, III

That’s some funny shit right there. Still I have to wonder how many people fall for it. Probably more than I’d think.

From: “FBI” (jschening@fulbright.com)
Subject: INHERITANCE CLAIM ADVICE FROM FBI

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI. WASHINGTON DC.

FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET

Dear Beneficiary,

During our recent investigations we found out that your inheritance transaction which originated from African is real and we advice that you go ahead by providing us with the required information so that we can work between you and Africa to make sure that as an American citizen that your entitlement is released to you without further delay.
Why we must be involved directly is that since the transaction is real, we must not allow the fraudulent activities of the African officials to affect you, so we are going to monitor all the procedures to the end and we will always advice you accordingly as we will not allow you to deal with the African offices directly. Every information that they need to pass across to you must be first received by the FBI before reaching you. This is to make sure that you do not loose a dollar carelessly.
You have to stop further dealings with any other office outside our office.
Fund Release Application Form

Reconfirm Your Information:
Name: ______________________________________________________________________

Marital Status: ____________________________________________________
Occupation: ______________________________________________________

MailingAddress: _________________________________________________________
___________________________

City: ________________________________________State:
______________________________Zip: ____________

Phone: __________________________Fax: ____________________________

Email:________________________________

Cell Phone: __________________________

By providing these information means that you have agreed to meet up all the required obligations as will be directed by the FBI concerning your fund transfer.

Long live America, long live her citizens.

ROBERT MUELLER

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI

Aside from the simple fact that the email address associated with this email doesn’t even come from a known FBI domain name — which would most likely be fbi.gov — the fact that whoever wrote it has a shaky grasp of English grammar is probably a big warning flag that this isn’t legit.

What I found fascinating is how it appears they’re trying to hustle someone else’s hustle. Consider that it assumes you’ve already received an email claiming you’re due an inheritance from someone in Africa and here the FBI is now telling you it’s not a scam at all, but you must let the FBI handle the transaction for you. In short they’re trying to steal someone else’s scam by convincing you to deal with them instead of the original scammers.

The actual routine will be the same. They’ll try to weasel as much personal information out of you that they can perhaps in hopes of getting hold of a bank account number or credit card or some other means of stealing your ID and, failing at that, they’ll tell you to send them money to cover various legal costs involved in getting the transaction completed and they’ll milk you for as long as they can.

Some of you people out there will actually be stupid enough to fall for it too because you lack the critical thinking skills that should have red flags popping up all over the landscape as soon as you saw the email.

For me that person is my mother-in-law who is absolutely sold on the product. Every time I catch a cold, usually because someone else in the house has one, she gently reminds me that she has plenty of Airborne around for me to use. And, every time, I read the back of the box to her that says “THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED TO TREAT, CURE, OR DIAGNOSE ANY DISEASE.“ And, every time, she says, “I know, but I take it and my cold isn’t as bad as everyone else’s.“ The old anecdotal evidence thing. Sometimes she does seem to fare better, but most of the time she’s as miserable or more so than anyone else in the house who has a cold. This time when we both had colds mine was shorter in duration and less severe than hers was and I didn’t take anything other than plenty of fluids and rest. I love my mother-in-law dearly, but the product is an expensive placebo pill and has about the same success rate.

Well as it turns out there are other folks who were just as skeptical and they ended up filing a class action lawsuit against the company for making false advertising claims:

Makers of the herbal supplement Airborne have agreed to pay $23.3 million in a class-action lawsuit over false advertising. David Schardt, a senior nutritionist with the Center for Science in the Public Interest, says it’s just one battle in his efforts to prevent companies from making misleading claims.

The spread of Airborne has been something of a national phenomenon, with hopeful consumers reaching for the product that said, “It’s the one designed by a school teacher.“

But it’s also the one, Schardt says, that’s been misleading consumers for 10 years. First, he says, Airbone entered the market claiming that its formula — a result of research by second-grade teacher Victoria Knight-McDowell — could ward off colds. Airborne later backed off, reworking its campaign to say the supplement “boosts your immune system.“

You can’t get much more vague than it “boosts your immune system.“ Really? In what way and to what effect? They won’t say, but the implication is clear. They don’t have any evidence that it does anything at all and the folks who filed the lawsuit even looked for any research that might have been done:

Consumers are still likely to be misled by the product, Schardt says. He and his teams searched for anyone who had studied Airborne’s combination of herbs and vitamins. The company had pointed to one research effort, but that was later revealed to be a two-person project paid for by Airborne. “It was so bad,“ Schardt says. “The company wouldn’t let anyone see it.“

Unlike the lawsuit against the makers of Enzyte I wrote about awhile back, this one is a pretty minor victory. The terms of the settlement state that the company denies any wrongdoing or illegal activity, but you can get your money back if you have any old receipts for Airborne laying around. Back when the company was claiming their product would prevent or diminish colds they were clearly breaking the law, but now that they’ve switching to the vague “boosts your immune system” claim they’re in a grey enough area that they’ll likely avoid the FDA’s wrath anytime soon. At least until someone suffers harm from the product as it’s essentially a bunch of random herbs and mega-doses of vitamins such as vitamin C.

At $6 to $8 for a tube of 10 tablets, which you are supposed to take every three to four hours, Airborne is an expensive non-remedy that will continue to rake in the bucks because herbal and dietary supplements are almost completely unregulated so long as they keep their claims vague enough. The news of the settlement didn’t shake my mother-in-law’s faith in the product and she’s probably not alone in that regard as the fan base for Airborne is pretty big. It’s just another example of how having a lack of ethics is the path to riches in this country.

To: les@stupidevilbastard.com
From: Tomas Bain

Subject: Beware of imitators, this is the original men’s phermone

Remember how you felt when your dream girl shot you down? Well now you never have to feel that way again! Pheromones have been proven to work, and are guaranted to increase your attractiveness to women of all ages. Just look at some of the testimonials we have received back from 100% satisfied repeat customers! :

“I’ve always had a problem approaching girls. They would just walk past me like I didn’t exist. I sometimes felt like they purposely would not give me any attention just because they were snobby and stuck up. Now, when I use Ultra Allure Pheromones, it’s alot easier to approach girls because THEY are usually the ones that will smile at me first or make eye contact.“
Robert K, Boise Idaho

“I saw you guys offered a moneyback guarantee, so I though I would give it a go(I had nothing to lose). Well how glad am I that I did! My first night out with a little Ultra Allure on me I had 4 different girls ask me what I was wearing and what I was doing later(I met up with the hottest of the 4 ) Now I don’t even leave the house without throwing on a few dabs of Ultra Allure- its my (not so) secret weapon! I can honestly say this product truly works, women are really drawn to you once they catch a little bit of the scent.“
Brad M. Kentucky

We receive dozens of emails daily just like these ones!

Don’t be left out! Pheromones have been studied extensively and profiled on such media outlets as CNN, Oprah Winfrey show, ABC, MSNBC, FOXNEWS, and magazines such as MAXIM, FHM and PLAYBOY!

Visit our website now to check out the huge discount sale going on right now! Hurry though as discount specials will be discontinued within the next few days!

Remove you e-mail

I love how carefully crafted the email is and then at the end it provides a link that says “remove you e-mail” when I never gave them my email in the first place.

Anyway, for those of you who aren’t up on the scientific research, the best that’s been found in the study of human pheromones so far is that women do respond to the scent of male sweat by altering the length of their menstrual cycles and perhaps their mood, but that’s about it. The idea that the mere whiff of human pheromones is going to make woman jump into the sack with you is wishful thinking at it’s worst.

So how much are these snake oil salesman going to hit up for when you order their products? Why a mere $69.95 (normally $109.95 the site proudly boasts) for a single bottle of unspecified quantity, but you can save up to $100 by ordering six bottles for the low low price of $249.95! Of course there are other sites out there selling similar

bullshit

products for as little as $20, but the folks behind Ultra Allure Pheromones have an answer to that right in their FAQ:

I found a site selling Pheromones for $20! Why should I pay more for yours?

We would suggest you take a logical look at the site and the product. Chances are that the brand they are selling is a cheap imitation knockoff of a quality product like ours. Buying a cheap Pheromone may help you think you’re attracting others, but in reality it will have absolutely no effectiveness and value to you, as you will attract no members of the opposite sex. ?

Our Ultra Allure formula is not only 100% original, but it is made only with the very best ingredients. By “best”, we mean effective . We want our customers to return to us repeatedly for business.

Our formula is sold at a price identical to most of the industries leading Pheromone manufacturers. The difference is that our product has an added essence inspired by TommyBoy™ cologne, giving it the advantage over others. And that’s what you will have with Ultra Allure , an advantage over others in attracting women.

Oh that’s some funny shit right there.

The website URL indicates it’s out of Hong Kong, home to a lot of bullshit products, and it’s a subdomain for another site that sells, wait for it… a Penis Enlargement Patch! Who would’ve guessed that? You know it’s going to be good when they start off with a claim like:

“In a poll conducted by Durex™ Condoms, 67% of women said they were unhappy with their lover’s penis size.“

With no link to the poll in question given. Visiting the Durex Condom website we can see that there are a number of polls they’ve done over the years, but none of them seem to contain this startling revelation that most women are unhappy with the size of their partner’s willy. The truth is that penis size is pretty much an exclusively male worry as most studies published seem to indicate that woman are more than happy with the size of their partners:

For their part, women appear to be very accepting of male endowment, the survey found. But even though 85 percent of women said they had no problem with their boyfriend’s or husband’s size, nearly half (45 percent) of all males surveyed said they wished for something larger. That number rose to 54 percent among males who rated their penis length as just “average.“

“The really good news for men, though, was that only 6 percent of women considered their partner ‘smaller than average,‘“ Frederick pointed out. (For the record, Frederick said the most reliable U.S. studies peg “average” penis size at an erect length of approximately 5.5 inches.)

Taking a closer look at the website domain via a WhoIs search we learn that it’s registered to a Shirley Floyd who set it up 02-24-2007 for a single year registered to a Yahoo! Mail account. If that doesn’t send up red flags all over the place then you’re a moron. You’d be lucky to find that this domain is even still active in a month’s time.

It’s a proven money maker for lots of people selling snake oil. Play on their fears of inadequacy with promises of easy solutions providing overwhelming results. The penis patch website promises you will “drastically enlarge the penis length and width to sizes previously thought impossible” and the pheromone site promises nonsense like the following:

Imagine this scenario. You’re out clubbing with your friends. You notice a beautiful woman across the room. Under normal circumstances she wouldn’t give you the time of day, but you know one thing she doesn’t. You’re wearing Ultra Allure pheromones . You walk up to her beaming with confidence. She senses someone approaching, turns around and doesn’t take her eyes off you until she leaves your place the next morning. Poor girl, she never had a chance.

If it worked that well it would probably be considered a form of date rape drug, but don’t let pesky moral issues stand between you and some hot action tonight! All it takes is your willingness to send large sums of cash to a foreign nation for a bottle of smelly liquid with dubious claims!

Paul Reviczky is an 89 year old man who lived in his small house on Sheppard Ave. W. in Toronto. Paul was content to live out his last few days in peace and quiet in the house he had called home for the past 50 years but then someone got a hold of some info on Paul, went to a bank, and put a mortgage on his house without his knowledge. [Reference Link]

One thing led to another and now the bank has foreclosed on his house and he is out in the street! It is totally beyond me how something like this could have happened.

First of all the bank should have done a better check on the person applying for the mortgage and if not, I would think that THEY were on the hook for giving money to someone through fraud.

Instead, since the banks have a lot more power than some small guy on the street, they went after Paul and decided he was responsible even though he had absolutely nothing to do with anything!

It’s almost like a comedy of errors except that I can assure you that Paul is not laughing. How this twisted bit of logic came about that Mr. Reviczky was responsible in any way is mind boggling.

This seems to be a perfect example of “might makes right,“ since the Banks have enough pull to go after anyone, for almost any reason, no matter how flimsy or twisted their logic seems to be.

A further example of this is when I had a cheque bounce a few months ago because I was about two dollars short.

NOW, the reason I was short was becaus the bank took out five dollars in service charges for something or other on the same day and decided that it was the cheque that had to be returned, not their charges.

Oh yea, and then they charged me thirty five dollars for the bounced cheque so I was about forty bucks in the hole anyway.

I have since changed banks but I don’t think they really give a shit. P.T. Barnum once said: “There’s a sucker born every minute!“

Your pissed scribe;
Allan W Janssen

Next mailer: “Your Democratic Voting Guide”  wtf?  I read through, and every political seat choice is the same, except the state measures have different YES/NO options.  Hmm ...

3rd mailer:  “Voter Information Guide for Democrats”  You’ve got to be kidding me.  Same people, and yet again different state measure options.

The 4th mailer was from EQ CA.  Excellent.

So, today I find out some oil and tobacco companies got together and created phony ‘Democrat’ mailers and sent them out to the voters of California to try and sway the votes for some of the state measures on the ballot.  It doesn’t surprise me, just pisses me off that they can get away with this.  You would htink this has to be illegal or fraud or something?

Thankfully MoveOn.org put out a notice, pictures and a warning to the people on their list.  Here’s the pictures for the California Voters on this list:

Phony Guide:

REAL Guide:

Oh, and for those who were keeping track, the 5th mailer was in Vietnamese.  Sorry, Tiep Nguyen doesn’t live here anymore.  I think she moved to Monterey ...

(If you didn’t get that last part, go see the movie.)