More than used to it LJ.

Everytime I see I just shake my head.  As if God would really favor a pathetic do-nothing sports player over someone trying to solve cancer or one of the other World’s problems.

LJ: Celsius seems to make so much more sense - Zero is freezing and 100 is boiling.

We use celcius here, it’s also very useful because it’s easily converted into degrees kelvin A degree kelvin is the same magnitude as a degree celcius, it’s just that 0 kelvin is set at absolute zero (you do really need a unit with range starting from absolute zero to use in conjunction with the gas constant for example, otherwise your equation will say there is negative energy in the system, so if you did use a shifted measure you will need to add/subtract a constant to make it start at absolute zero).

To convert celcius to kelvin simply add 273.15
Is there a diference between celcius and centigrade?

A degree kelvin is…

I think most of us learned this, and most of what you write, in high school science class.  I can’t decide who is worse about wandering out to right field without anything funny to say while you are there, you or LJ.  I now declare it a tie.

I now declare it a tie.

but i don’t know how to put on a tie

Here in the UK weather reorts are given in C’, often with a F’.  However in the summer we get the F quoted more regularly. I think thats because Humans are naturally decimal, and its obvious the 0 is when water freezes, and 100’ is a magic temperature to be reached in summer- Hopefully not Cent for a few 100 million years yet!

The British instinctively understand that water freezez at 0 and boils at 100, but still think 70 is a comfortable temperature.

Doing a ton up like Collingwood seems to be a natural target- Have your chaps hired our batting coach John? (I can feel a whisky being sipped while I watch the highlights at midnight in a couple of hours). Mind you a Damn Close thing’ as the Iron Duke said.

I’m more of a Union man myself- don’t like the stopping every tackle and six tackle rule.

Of course there is Aussie rules- described as a game so violent that the players don’t have sleeves to stop the opposition using them to strangle them with.

DC: Is there a difference between Celsius and centigrade?

No.
“Throughout the world (except for the U.S.), the Celsius scale is used for most temperature measuring purposes.”
Say no more! 

MissHissy: I think most of us learned this, and most of what you write, in high school science class.

Speak for yourself, sweety.
I didn’t hear about William Thomson till way after I left school.

I can’t decide who is worse about wandering out to right field without anything funny to say while you are there, you or LJ.

DC, when you can get MissHissyFit to say shit like this you’ve scored a point, to be sure, to be sure.  Woot. Woot. 
Wear it like a badge of honour, mate.
Y’see when she attempts something funny, which is oh so rare, it always falls flat and collects a zero from the audience (never forget the audience).
Whereas when you or I say something funny we can collect a score anywhere between 1.5 and 10.

LH, congrats for the win last nite - we played like a schoolboys’ team.
I’m starting a rumour that the ACB told them to lose so there’d be a 3rd game in Adelaide so that the ACB would collect more money and, the Chairman of the ACB could make speeches on home turf.

Of the three, I’d rather Aussie rules cos it’s faster and higher scoring but the true reason is: I grew up with it.

The best part of American football (why they call it football, I’ll never know - they only kick an occasional goal) and what really makes me larf is the referees when they tell the crowd what happened and, you don’t even have to wait long cos they’re on every coupla minutes ... telling the crowd what happened.
Now I’ve insulted everyone who gave me 5s and above I’ll climb back into my playpen. 

Cheers LJ

John, John, John…

Don’t slap Consi.  Use this bat instead.

we played like a schoolboys’ team

Welcome to my world! The annoying thing about supporting England in (insert sport here) is that we are world class, then seem to think “Aw fuck it, what happens if we play like dicks?” - look at Plunkett the other day. 5 wides- did he suddenly think “Hey our batsmen did really well- lets see if I can wind up the Barmy Army”. But hey- we’ve got Monty just a McGrath retires.

The last time Australia lost the finals of a triangular series was 1992-93, to the West Indies.

I’m philosophical enough to think our loss last nite was good for the game as the one tomorrow nite will be IF it happens. 
Paraphrasing Eugene McCarthy I’m smart enough to understand cricket but not dumb enough to think it’s important.
Earnest Hemingway: There are only three sports: Bullfighting, Motor Racing and Mountain climbing. All the rest are games.

we’ve got Monty just as McGrath retires

Excuse the schmaltzy cliché but it seems Oz has adopted Monty.
Lucky he’s Sikh and not Moslem. 

You mean like Sajid Mahmood?

Exactly. 

We have only one Moslem sportsman here of any repute: Hazem el Masri of the Canterbury Bulldogs.
In fact, he’s held in such high regard by all and sundry he’d be the only one to be believed under the following circumstance.

In 2004, when members of the Bulldogs were accused of committing a gang rape in Coffs Harbour, El Masri was the only member of the team not to give a DNA sample to police, refusing on the grounds that he was in bed at the time and that it was an insult to his character.
No further action was taken.

While we’re on all things crimi… sorry Aussie, Pratchett wrote a novel called the ‘Last Continent’, about the mythical land of FourEcks.  The plot is not one of his good ones in my opinion, but does do a great comedy stereotype of the land Down Under (though the aborigines would probably say ‘How do you know you’re not the ones at the bottom?’).  No matter what you may think of the plot, no book can be all bad when it has a town called “Didjabringabeeralong”.

Ya coulda said ‘criminal’ - I can assure you many of us’d rather be seen as criminals than wankers.
Let’s face it; our two most prominent historic icons are not the epitome of the establishment’s version of what icons should be.
Waltzing Matilda is about a sheep-thief and Ned Kelly, still seen as a national hero against oppression by some, was an Irish cop-killer ... I mean he was Irish not the cop - well maybe the cop was too.

Didjabringabeeralong ... sounds like my kinda town. 

I just discovered that Austrailia is the only country that allows for the legal adoption of a penguin as a pet.

I’ve always wanted a penguin.

What’re apartments going for in Australia, John?

I heard once that the phase

Waltzing Matilda

was about how the bushmen got lonely all alone in the bush, and so by rolling their bed roll (the ‘matilda’) right it was just snug enough to ‘waltz’. So they didn’t need to wank.

What’re apartments going for in Australia, John?

Cheep, cheep.

Sorry. I couldn’t help it - the child in me takes control sometimes.
I live in a one bedroom flat (big enough for me - claustrophobic for some) 1.75 blocks from the Post Office, 2 blocks from the (closest of 4) supermarket - $AU115 ($US89.30) per week.
Up-side? Takes 2.3 minutes to heat in winter. Down side? NO fucking pets!!

How the fuck could you give a penguin all the comforts of a natural life?
I suppose if you lived near the sea you could attach a little line to one of his (I’m assuming) little legs and let him go f’ra swim ...
I reckon if you went to Tassie you could have it all.
I grew up in 3-pub town called Wynyard, high schooled in Burnie and holidayed in a beach house at Sister’s Beach - all up on the NW coast.
‘They’ say Tassie’s the safest place on the planet. 

No way I’m gonna ruin a good story.
Just make sure you’re outa the way of the drop bears.

LH: So they didn’t need to wank.

That’s why there are no wankers in Oz.

That’s why there are no wankers in Oz

hmm after this morning what about a certain 11 blokes in Green and Gold* (why green and gold- how are these your national colours).  did you notice the cunning way we sneaked the Manchester weather past customs. (Manchester- a city where if you can see the Pennines it’s about to rain.  If you can’t see the Pennines then it is already raining.)

LH: So they didn’t need to wank.
That’s why there are no wankers in Oz.

Don’t be so proud of a national song that’s all about frottering your blanket!  Is this how you tell a real man in Oz- his duvet is as stiff as plywood?!

8Sorry about this, but after the 5-0 kicking please allow me to bask in a little glory until the Rugby and Cricket world cups. It’s compensation for having to listen to Boycott talk about ‘creee-keet’.

Bum- that ‘8’ should have been the ‘*’ for the footnote.

A well-deserved win, LH. 
England played like Australians. Australia played like a buncha Poms.

Me: I’m philosophical enough to think our loss last nite was good for the game as the one tomorrow nite will be IF it happens. 

I still reckon both losses were good for the game.
Oz was on top for too long; it was like standing in the street watching a man kick a dog, skilfully.
I’m sure there’ll be a shitload of froth and bubble printed and videoed about it and the up coming world cup will be mentioned countless times, but it still remains a game which, by any analogy, is no more than a distraction; an anaesthetic for life. 

an anaesthetic for life

Well said

Australia played like a buncha Poms

We are second in the world. It’s not as if we’re Kiwi’s (Is this the right button to press with a Aussie?) Just wish we could be more consistent- you never know whether you’re going to get exciting masterful play- or the England Batting Collapse. (Have you noticed the regs have left us alone at the bar to talk Cricket?)

Interrupted only by KPG wanting to come to Oz so’s he could adopt a penguin. 

It’s not as if we’re Kiwi’s (Is this the right button to press with a Aussie?)

Probably not. The only things we hark about Kiwis is the way they pronounce vowels and the fact they all fuck sheep - other than for that, they’re our mates. More Kiwis and Aussies died (per capita) in WW1 than any other nationality.
Interestingly, we were told (during one of our ‘indoctrination classes’ before going overseas) that we weren’t to think we were the big bronzed indestructible Aussies portrayed in our ‘racial memory’.
If you don’t know how Kiwis pronounce their vowels follow this little thing.
A PAN is a pen; a PEN is a pin; a PIN is a p’n although most Aussies mispronounce it and hear PUN (where there isn’t one ).
Some Kiwis never lose their accent and others have no trouble at all.
Russel Crowe for instance or John Clarke - the best 2.5 minute weekly satire show in Oz today.
Do you recall the cricketing Crowe brothers? They were Russell’s cousins and their national & international fame gave him the shits. He sure showed them. 

I am Rickardus Pontingus Maximus, and I say to you, Howzat?

[gravelly]Coming soon… (cut to a cricket bat
to a cinema near you… (cut man in green pyjamas with his head beaten in)
a Mel Gibson film… (cut to Adolf Hitler dressed in blue pads)
showing how Andrew Flintoff is responsible… (Collingwood chasing pregnant women, with Freddie shouting encouragement from the pavilion)
for the deaths of millions of Australians and Jesus… (cut to SCG, pile of bodies, with the Crucifix planted on top)
and personally kicked Pope John-Paul to death (cut to scene of Flintoff kicking the Pope while he lies on the floor.  The pope has a ‘mop-top hair cut, while Ringo cheers Freddie on).[/Gravelly]

Cert TBA, contains strong adult sledging and Strauss trying to bat.

LH, you draw terrific pictures with your words.

a Mel Gibson film

We let Mel go when he turned into a fuckwit.
Like when Tom married Nicole he became ‘every’ Aussie’s favourite Yank then he turned back into a fuckwit, or Nic left him (one of the two or which ever came first), and, we let him go.
I wish we could let Nic’s current, Keith Urban, go but the dickhead keeps coming back.
Seems he’s a typical alcky - gotta beautiful wife (the envy of me and most other Oz blokes) but he can’t stay off the sauce, or other drugs.
Maybe he needs to find out how Haggard cured himself of Poofterism - I wonder if alcoholism is harder to cure.

Back to the best part of cricket.
I like the sledging (although reverse sledging is better) that happens mainly in cricket.
We, the audience, on-lookers, speckies, rarely hear what’s said out there.
One of the best reverse sledging I’ve heard of was:

Glenn McGrath v Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball.
McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: “Why are you so fat?”
Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: “Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”
Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.

Then there’s the story about:

Merv Hughes and Viv Richards (West Indies): During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn’t say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries.
Viv: “This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl.”
Merv didn’t reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: “In my culture we just say ‘fuck off’.”

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: “So what does Brian Lara’s dick taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife.”
McGrath (losing it): “If you ever effing mention my wife again, I’ll fucking rip your fucking throat out.”

Can’t remember the player or the exact details but it went something like Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player to the crease playing and missing the first ball.
Mark: Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you’re fucking useless now.
Kiwi: Yeah, that’s me and when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut and now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb cunt.

And finally ...
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon (52 cans of beer on a flight between London and Sydney - it’s still an unbroken record [John, if it’s a record, it’s unbroken, y’idiot.  ] ) who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : “Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?”