Miracles ain’t what they used to be. Used to be Jesus’ Mom would have to show up on a store window or in a fence post to be considered a miracle, but now all she has to do is knock one of her own statues over on the day a church is closing its doors for the last time and that’s enough to set off the weeping and the praying and the other assorted nonsense that takes place among the overly credulous when this sort of crap happens.
The church’s statue of the Virgin Mary, which stood in front of the altar, tipped over suddenly and thudded to the floor after Mass, seemingly unmolested by human hands, parishioners said.
Trembling and weeping, they called it a sign from God protesting the Boston Archdiocese’s decision to close their church, part of the lifeblood of the working-class, Italian-American neighborhood since 1905.
“This is a miracle!” Gerri Costa exclaimed after parishioners righted the 5-foot statue, which was missing a few pieces from its back. “Miracles do happen, and this is a miracle. Viva La Madonna!”
You’d think a more effective way for Mary to get her message across would be to just materialize in front of the Archbishop Sean P. O’Malley, who made the decision to close this particular church in the first place, and explain carefully and thoughtfully to the Archbishop why she thinks closing the church is a mistake all the while administering what can only be described as “The Mother of all Holy Beatdowns” on his punk-ass, but I suppose she doesn’t want to get blood all over her robe or shawl or whatever the fuck that thing she wears all the time is called.
Or maybe she’s just lazy these days…
Posted on 10/11/2004 at 05:38 PM 
Posted on 10/11/2004 at 09:40 PM 
Must be the economic cutbacks. I guess she passed this one on to one of her lowlier and unappreciated saints. St. Gravity - The defiler of beautiful women, spoiler of homeruns and the enemy of aspiring NBA superstars. (Also known to cause the occasional landslide and the tipping over of holy ornaments.)