Newsgasm: Anna Nicole Smith is dead and no one knows why…

Posted by Les on Friday, February 09, 2007 at 12:04 PM. Read 1490 times. Tags: , ,
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...but they’re working really hard to speculate the living shit out of the possibilities. It seems every little crumb of info the news media can get their hands on is being slapped onto a taffy puller and stretched as far as they can manage. For example: When paramedics arrived her heart wasn’t beating (a common occurrence when someone dies) so heres a list of 50 or so possible heart related problems she might have had but didn’t know about including some so obscure her chances of dieing from it are a million to one against.

They had one solid fact: Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Beyond that it was all just idle speculation by the news media. Was she murdered? Did she O.D.? Was she crushed under the weight of her own tits? What happens to her son? Is she a modern-day Marilyn Monroe? Was John F. Kennedy’s corpse spotted anywhere near her motel room?

I don’t know if the media is just so sick of reporting the awful news that’s coming out of Iraq on a daily basis or they think the public really gives that much of a shit about what was easily one of the most successful white trash women around, but it’s another one of those events that makes me ignore the news for a few days until it blows over. Of course Nancy Grace will be all over this for months to come I’m sure, what with being a fellow white trasher and all.

That’s why I need to start my own news network: LNN - Les News Network. Our coverage of Anna’s death would’ve been like this.

HEADLINE: ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS DEAD.

Anna Nicole Smith, famous Playboy playmate and gold digger, is dead at the age of 39. She was found in her hotel room unconscious and not breathing. No one has a fucking clue as to how she died yet and we’re not about to sit around and dream up possibilities when there’s other news to report. When we know more, you’ll know more.

And that would be it.

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DavidM United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 08:42 PM

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Yes I realize my spelling and grammar is awful. I am drinking so bear with me smile. It embarrasses me reading that last post but the sentiment stands.

KPatrickGlover United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 08:43 PM

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David: Everyone’s life is as equal as everyone else’s regardless of what price the “media” puts on it.

Nonsense.

Do you really expect me to believe that everyone is equal? That Nancy Grace is worth as much to society as Edward Murrow was? That Sidney Sheldon was as valuable as Charles Dickens? How about Paris Hilton?  Is there anybody out there who isn’t more valuable to society than Paris?

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KPatrickGlover United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 08:49 PM

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LH: given what John went though in the 60s/70s (do you know he was in Vietnam),

Nah, it has nothing to do with him going through Vietnam. He’s just right.

Look, death is just the end of life, it doesn’t bestow some magic sainthood on you. If you were an ass, you become a dead ass. That’s it, finito.

Being dead, in and of itself, does not mean you’re worth of respect.

And speaking of dead people who ARE worth of respect, the great Ian Richardson has passed away. downer

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DavidM United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 08:51 PM

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Nonsense? How much is your life worth? You are trying to say they are not as worthy because they did not achieve the accomplishments of Charles dickens or Edward Murrow?

Michael Peacock United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 08:52 PM

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Last_Hussar: Plus he is an Aussie, which is basically Brit with no filters…

And as everyone knows, Brits are Americans with extra filters.  Hey - maybe that’s what we like Aussies so much.  They remind us of us, and we LOVE us.

Oh yeah, Anna’s dead.  Her new baby is probably better off.

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My Name is Michael - Brother Neutron Bomb of Uncanny Honesty - Peacock, and I write at The Smug Baldy Speaks

Bahamat Great Britain (UK) Posted on 02/09/2007 at 08:54 PM

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DaveM: Life is worth whatever someone puts to it, obviously the judger’s life is worth more.

Yeah that’s a difficult thing to get past when trying to be fair and deep, people have some pull towards making their own life OK because they have to go through it. I don’t like the maintanance side of this, I would in some ways prefer to spectate and not have the responsibility of sustenance, in otherways I like the oppertunity to interact.

Time is an interesting thing - the present is weighed against the future and it’s impossible to completely forego the present in extreme enough cases, and yet as the present fades into past it loses importance as it loses the ability to influence the future. If you were at the end of your span of existence facing inevitable oblivion that nothing could change, things matter a lot less.

Also we put more value on people we’re connected to than people who others are equally connected to. I don’t know why we feel more love for people who we live with, but if it was a choice between your family member and someone else’s, most people choose their own. There is an element of selfishness in that, and people might know that their family member might deserve life and not know if the other person does, but again, people also feel more love for people they are more connected to, and that I can’t explain, it’s like asking why a force like gravity or magnetism decreases over distance, it does, but not for obvious reason

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Last_Hussar Great Britain (UK) Posted on 02/09/2007 at 08:59 PM

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Brits are Americans with extra filters

You swine!!! That was uncalled for.

Seriously- I feel more in tune with Aussies than Yanks.  I am still morally obliged to hunt you down and kill you, though Michael for insulting 1) the British, 2) the Aussies, 3) the rest of the English speaking world 4) Well everyone really.

Ok, maybe not kill you, but definately correct you on use of language or etiquette or something.

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KPatrickGlover United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:00 PM

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Dave: Nonsense? How much is your life worth?

My life? It’s worth more than some, less than others. I have no problem with that idea, not sure why you do.

You are trying to say they are not as worthy because they did not achieve the accomplishments of Charles dickens or Edward Murrow?

That’s exactly what I’m saying.

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Bahamat Great Britain (UK) Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:01 PM

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MP: Oh yeah, Anna’s dead.  Her new baby is probably better off.

LOL

KPG: Being dead, in and of itself, does not mean you’re worth of respect

Exactly as I said

DavidM: Nonsense? How much is your life worth? You are trying to say they are not as worthy because they did not achieve the accomplishments of Charles dickens or Edward Murrow?

We’re worth more because you tend to need to be a pushy asshat to get noticed, we may have just been in the wrong situation or been born too late.

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DavidM United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:04 PM

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It is true as we both said that ALL people value their lives regardless of circumstance. We all care more for loved ones then we do for strangers, me included. But at the same time I realize (as I realize now others do, though maybe in a different way obviously) we all recognize the value of life in others. But the fact is we are self-aware but so are others. So what exactly is life since I am self-aware of myself and others but care stops at me and mine while that same exact thing applies to others that are not related to me. It is a funny thing. It is the same thing as a player thinking god in football for a touchdown as if god could really care. Value is what the entity gives it and everyone is biased. I valued me and mine over you and yours but that is the same for everyone. It brings to question the value of everything.

Sorry this is a wall of text but if I dont post it I have issues with the verification so until I figure it out it is all or nothing smile

Michael Peacock United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:09 PM

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KPG: Is there anybody out there who isn’t more valuable to society than Paris?

Hmm ... not anymore.  Oh wait.  Maybe this dickhead.

DavidM: Nonsense?

Historically, there have always been “Persons of Quality” whose lives were seen as inherently more valuable than those of lesser birth.  One might argue that wealth and power still confers a level of such “quality” on a family.  You think the Bush twins are treated as equals to others in their peer group?

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“When the government fears the people, it is liberty. When the people fear the government, it is tyranny.”
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My Name is Michael - Brother Neutron Bomb of Uncanny Honesty - Peacock, and I write at The Smug Baldy Speaks

Michael Peacock United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:16 PM

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Last_Hussar: Ok, maybe not kill you, but definately correct you on use of language or etiquette or something.

Aw ... thanks, Hussar!  That would be those extra filters I mentioned.

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“When the government fears the people, it is liberty. When the people fear the government, it is tyranny.”
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My Name is Michael - Brother Neutron Bomb of Uncanny Honesty - Peacock, and I write at The Smug Baldy Speaks

DavidM United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:17 PM

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But selective preferentialism is not a good reason to carry on with it. The Bush twins have their special status because they are the Presidents daughters. Granted that same curtsy should be extended to the Clinton’s but I have a hard time believing most jackasses will do that.

My point is life is relative and you realize you exist. Realizeing “Others” exists who fell the SAME as you (maybe not. But they still exist. Everyone is biased towards their family. As others have said that is fair but not realizing others are to theirs is just stupid. When do you find “right” and “wrong” if everyone is one and the same?

Bahamat Great Britain (UK) Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:18 PM

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Value of life can also be negative, sometimes to an observer, sometimes to the owner. Not to all observers as value is redeemable. Value of existence follows the same rules but is a broader thing to include possible other modes of existence, which I don’t know enough about to decide on.

DaveM: So what exactly is life

Concious existence within the constraints of a physical body, whatever your beliefs.

the same thing as a player thinking god in football for a touchdown as if god could really care

Interesting you should say, I have to ask why a possible god would want us to care about living a good life, essentially a player in the ‘be nice’ game. Quarks only exist because an inversion of them was also created, the antiquark; a lot of things need a complete inversion to exist in order for them to, so if a good god did exist, then so would an equally bad one need to by symetry rules. Looking at it this way, if existence is positive for one person, it has to be equally negative for your inversion form (only with all the decision parameters also inverted), and existence overall is neutral, not good or bad.

It’s possible the big bang happened only for the reason that it was possible and there were an infinite number of oppertunities, making it automatic

Sorry this is a wall of text but if I dont post it I have issues with the verification so until I figure it out it is all or nothing

No apologies, nothing unusual

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LuckyJohn19 Australia Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:26 PM

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Then again you will not be said when people do not care when you die, so I guess that is fair.

Dave. Mate. I won’t even care when I die - why the fuck should anyone else?
Seriously though. I don’t do hypocracy as well as some others.
By tomorrow, if not already, there’ll be so many gold-digger, old-fart, big-tit, what happens to the silicone, necrophilia and other recycled Munroe/Mansfield jokes, etc jokes going round you WILL crack a smile at some point.
Mel Brooks: Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Were you fucking her?  LOL

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Bahamat Great Britain (UK) Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:33 PM

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DaveM: When do you find “right” and “wrong” if everyone is one and the same?

Only your concience makes something right or wrong. People don’t like certain feelings like pain or upset, and feel guilty for making others feel it, but there is no reason not to prefer pain over comfort, hunger over fullness, etc. For sure our body gets us to do the things that achieve the feelings we like, but there is nothing right or wrong with any feeling at base level. By symetry rules they are inversions so come from an overall neutral point, so it’s a mystery why people, including myself forget that and seek to feel nice. In this way the forgetting is needed to bias the decision, however the other direction of bias (preferring unpleasent) could still exist under evolution if they had the feelings associated invertly (I.e. eating making you hungry, staying up making you less tired but sleep making you more, etc.), so it’s a mystery to me how we have an apparent asymetry, my only guess is that an inverted universe might exist before the big bang to accomodate these, with time running the other way

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DavidM United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:40 PM

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Well reading that I am wishing the next hot big-titted gold digger on you john! And when your gone...im cashing in! lol. I am sorry if I came across as overly serious :B

I have a horrible tendency to get wrapped up in a conversation and not let it go until i’m dead. I admit it so I guess that is part of the solution.

Last_Hussar Great Britain (UK) Posted on 02/09/2007 at 09:43 PM

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Aw ... thanks, Hussar!  That would be those extra filters I mentioned.

Actually, Yanks seems much more prudish than just about anyone else in the West. Not just sex, but the attitude to alcohol, or even tragedy. Also our TV seems darker (no contrast jokes please!)

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decrepitoldfool United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 10:13 PM

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I told my kids to publish my exact cause of death in my obituary, no matter how stupid, pointless, or humiliating it is.  Information like that is valuable to the living, if only “don’t be that guy”.

My guess would be silicone poisoning.  cool smirk

Brock United States Posted on 02/09/2007 at 10:42 PM

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My guess would be silicone poisoning.

She drank everything else. I guess drinking silicone wouldn’t be so out of character for her.

Oh, you mean her implants? Oh well, soon she’ll be nothing but breast and bones.

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Patness Canada Posted on 02/09/2007 at 10:56 PM

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DoF, if I remember that screed correctly, there was the possibility that people would go “Oh, so he even died in a boring way”.

Count me in for that one.

DC,

Only your conscience makes something right or wrong.

is a statement I don’t entirely agree with. First, because there’s not a lot of definition (and a whole lot of speculation) on what a conscience is supposed to be; at least not that I’m aware of. I’m in Alonzo‘s camp, if I’d have to hazard a guess at it. I figure that there is some distinct cultural pattern to what we consider moral or immoral that has a material, factual, external basis. I think that all human cultures and societies have reasons to discourage certain kinds of conduct.

Besides, we use reward and punishment of various strains to control actions - your moral makeup is part of your trained behavior. Is this what you meant by conscience?

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One sure and primary and fundamental fact is the joint existence of a subject and of its world. The one does not exist without the other. I acquire no understanding of myself except as I take account of objects, of the surroundings. I do not think unless I think of things — and there I find myself. - Bruce Lee

Moloch United States Posted on 02/10/2007 at 01:23 AM

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Bout time she died. I’d bet my life savings that she OD’d.

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Webs United States Posted on 02/10/2007 at 01:42 AM

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Putting everyone on the same plane in this world is something a pussy ass liberal would try to get you to do.  We are not all equal and we never will be get over it.  Some people deserve more respect in life because they have earned it.

Anna’s death leaves me saying, what else is on the boob tube.  Because just like Brock said, she did nothing for society.  She never once lifted a finger to give anything back to this world.

There are so many more people I look up to in life.  Including some posters found here, that I think have made and continue to make a lasting impact in this world.  These are the people we should hold up as an example and give respect to.

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leguru United States Posted on 02/10/2007 at 01:45 AM

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“Life sucks and then you die!” seems such a negative philosophy. How about: “Both joy and sorrow are a part of life. Learn to embrace both equally and sorrow or negative will have no sway over you.” When you can look forward to obscacles as an opportunity to bring forth the best within you to overcome that particular obscacle, and thus become stronger and wiser, you have started on the best path to success in this life. And, yes, big tits are wonderful. LOL

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What is a bad man but a good man’s job?
If you don’t understand this, you will get lost,
however intelligent you are.
It is the great secret.” LAO-TZU

Sadie Jane United States Posted on 02/10/2007 at 02:17 AM

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Because just like Brock said, she did nothing for society.  She never once lifted a finger to give anything back to this world.

Well, she did support animal rights, and just for that I have a modicum of respect for her.

Has anyone else noticed that this thread has generated an inordinate amount of comments? Even us intellectuals (I use that word barring a certain someone whom we are all only too familiar) here at SEB can’t escape the cult of celebrity, it would seem.  downer

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