“I look after the big picture, son.�
Said God!
“Life is a crap-shoot.�
“You take your chances like everyone else!�
-George Burns as God-
From the Book “The Plain Truth About God-101 (what the church doesn’t want you to know)”

** Muslims have their holy day on Friday, Jews on Saturday and Christians on Sunday.  Since we are all “Theists” and “people of the book” it would be nice to find a way to harmonize all three beliefs. 
Aside from the obvious results to religious strife, one of the most immediate benefits would be a three-day weekend! -Allan W. Janssen

“When guns are outlawed, idiots will still find a way to hurt themselves.”

Ever heard of the Darwin Awards?

it didn’t kill him so sadly, he is only eligible for an Honorary Mention.

Maybe he still has some .22 shells. There’s still hope.

My favorite Darwin award was to the guy who was shaking a Coke machine to get his quarter back, and finally got so wild that it fell over and crushed him.

Maybe he still has some .22 shells. There’s still hope.

Anyone have a mailing address?  I got some #2 buckshot for him to plink at.

it didn’t kill him so sadly, he is only eligible for an Honorary Mention.

Somebody refresh my memory, please. If I remember the rules correctly, shooting off your balls allows for full eligibility. Isn’t it the valiant but futile attempts to remove oneself from further reproduction that qualify for Honorable Mentions?

elwed- I don’t remember the rules, but shouldn’t the decision between awarding top honors and a mere Honorable Mention also depend upon:

1) whether the awardee already has kids or not; and if so, whether the kids have all their marbles or not.

2) whether the awardee has two or more reproducing siblings; or four more reproducing uncles, aunts, half sibs, grandkids, or grandparents; or eight or more first cousins, greatgrandparents… you get the idea.

3) whether the awardee has donated still-viable sperm or eggs to a bank somewhere.

Heck, forget it.  I say he made a good shot at it, and deserves top honors.

Actual rules, as found on [url=http://www.darwinawards.com]http://www.darwinawards.com[/url]

Actual winners must meet the following criteria:

Reproduction
  Out of the gene pool: dead or sterile.
Excellence
  Astounding misapplication of judgment.
Self-Selection
  Cause one’s own demise.
Maturity
  Capable of sound judgment.
Veracity
  The event must be true.

Thanks, guys. You saved me from having to look it up myself.

YOU ALL NEED TO SHUT THE F*CK UP! THAT WAS MY F*CKIN BROTHER WHO DID THAT OKAY? HOW BOUT I COME SHOOT ALL U MOTHER F*CKERS IN THE F*CKING DICK THEN F*CKIN KILL U AND SEE HOW U F*CKING LIKE THAT

It might have been apropos to refer to him as your ‘fuckin brother’ at one point. . .

now, however, a new nickname may be in order.

I would suggest a few, but I’m not the type of individual who takes pleasure in mocking the misfortune of others.  We all have those little moments in our past that we would prefer to have forgotten.  Some involve firearms, some involve alcohol, some involve chocolate sauce and sundry farm animals.

*ahem*  But I digress.

Returning to the point at hand, I must admit, Tia, that I deeply appreciate the fact that you used asterisks in your profanities, rather than subjecting us to the full, uncensored impact of the naughty words.  These days, people who make death threats often have no sense of proper etiquette.  They sling around the F-bomb like it’s ‘no big deal.’  Personally, I don’t see any reason to stoop to blatant vulgarity when threatening to kill someone, and I can tell that you feel the same.

That kind of charming sensitivity is in short order these days.  I must confess, I find it tres sexy! Women who are so exceedingly articulate and well-bred are in short supply these days—alas, they are in truth a dying breed.

  These cretins have no sense of the tragic, and mock what they do not understand.  Waste no more time on their petty jibes, but be my princess!  Forget about the mumblings of these callous oafs, and run away with me!

I’ve not received a lot of death threats in my time, but of the ones I have gotten this one is pretty weak. The all-caps helps with the intensity, but the censored swear words end up making it more humorous than threatening. Seriously, if you’re not brave enough to spell out the word “fuck” then it’s likely you’re not brave enough to shoot people in the dick.

Still I gotta give ya credit for being almost as funny as your brother.

nowiser-
May I be your bitch too?

Oh, and Tia- if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather be shot in the d*ck after being k*lled.  I guess it’s academic anyway, since I’m not a m*ther f*cker, and I would even go out on a l*mb and guess that not many of us are m*ther f*ckers, here at this bl*g.

ya know, Zilch, I wasn’t going to let you be my other b*tch, but your proficiency with the asterisk has moved me.  I’ll pick you up at s*v*n-ish.

Judging by the “sisters” response the Darwin moment came a generation to late.