Jesus has returned and he’s a 35 year-old Hindu woman now.

Posted by Les on Thursday, May 25, 2006 at 01:33 PM. Read 4170 times. Tags: ,
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Bet you never saw this one coming, eh?

DURBUN: A Hindu woman has said she is Jesus Christ and claims to have the “stigmata of Jesus” on her palms, feet and stomach, as well as the power to heal the sick.

Katherine Jhawarelall, 35, who has a degree in criminology, said that she was born with the stigmata and also claimed that Hebrew scriptures and religious symbols from the Bible appear on the walls of her home, an international daily reported.
...
She was quoted as saying that she was initially startled “but eventually came to realize and accept who she was.”

Yeah, I’d imagine suddenly realizing you’re not really a female Hindu criminologist, but the second coming of Christ would be just a teeny bit startling. I bet there’s going to be a lot of pissed off old rich white Christian Evangelists out there once they realize the prank Jesus has pulled on them now!

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Sadie Jane United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 01:47 PM

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Why do I suddenly hear the song “My Sweet Lord” running through my head?

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Les United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 02:18 PM

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hahahahahhahahhaha

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decrepitoldfool United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 03:10 PM

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Oh, man, I can see it now: CSI: Bangalore Divinity

QWERTY United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 03:20 PM

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Hebrew Scriptures? What does Hebrew have to do with The LORD Jesus Christ. Everyone knows that everyone in 1st century Judea spoke English.

monstermagnet United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 04:50 PM

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Les = Hitler
Cindy = unfortunate Jew at the mercy of the Führer

Les United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 04:54 PM

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Thanks, Paul. Now I’ve got a recent copy of your IP address. Makes banning you so much easier.

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LuckyJohn19 Australia Posted on 05/25/2006 at 05:33 PM

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S-Sadie: Why do I suddenly hear the song “My Sweet Lord? running through my head?

Maybe coz “He’s so fine”?  wink

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I’ve discovered that it all boils down to brain wiring: your brain is wired to worship magic or it isn’t, either it’s wired to utilize logic or it isn’t, either it’s analytical of myths or it isn’t.

Sadie Jane United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 05:38 PM

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John: Maybe coz “He’s so fine?? 

Oh yeah. I don’t care what anyone says, those two songs didn’t really sound that much alike. But that’s my $0.02.

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KPatrickGlover United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 05:49 PM

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Yoy know, my only thought about this is that it would make a pretty good start for a short story. Maybe even a sitcom…...

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Sadie Jane United States Posted on 05/25/2006 at 08:05 PM

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K-man: Maybe even a sitcom…...

Hee hee…a sort of latter-day “Dharma and Greg,“ only involving one individual.

I’d watch it—the trailer, anyway. wink

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Mr Hines United States Posted on 05/30/2006 at 05:41 PM

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So, is Jesus Christ what is meant when we say Holy Cow?

Dam! Does this mean that those wafers are really meat byproduct?

I think this whole things is * wait for it *

Utterly ridiculus!


Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal and tip your wait staff.

Melanie Stephan United States Posted on 01/25/2007 at 03:13 PM

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Jesus is not a Hindu woman.  Or any other person that has a mark on their forehead.  He is not a Muslum either.  How do I know?  He came to New York and talked to me.  That is right. He has returned, but not in body.  Jesus talked to me in the spring of 2006.  I have proof. I will say that again, I don’t have faith, I have proof.  This is not at lie or a joke.  Jesus really has returned. He talke to me. I am Melanie Stephan.

Michael Peacock United States Posted on 01/25/2007 at 04:09 PM

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Melanie Stephen: Jesus is not a Hindu woman.  Or any other person that has a mark on their forehead.  He is not a Muslum either.  How do I know?  He came to New York and talked to me.  That is right. He has returned, but not in body.

Umm ... Melanie?

If he didn’t return “in body” then how can you speak with any conviction about his forehead?

Are you one of those crazy people, or am I being punked?

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My Name is Michael - Brother Neutron Bomb of Uncanny Honesty - Peacock, and I write at The Smug Baldy Speaks

Bahamat Great Britain (UK) Posted on 01/25/2007 at 06:55 PM

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Melanie Stephan - please show us your proof in that case

Y’now it’s possible that someone as high ranking as jesus might be able to pull off multiple existences, living and otherwise, we can’t prove either way. Maybe living people have a dead aspect to their soul, maybe that’s involved in dreaming and subconcious memory long after something’s unrecallable from the concious, maybe not

Also you cannot dismiss in some cases the possibility that a spirit might make only partial contribution to conciousness, a single conciousness could be made up of many specialist souls much like a single multicellular organism is made up of specialist cells. When you dream you can divide conciousness and have a conversation with an imaginary character without knowing what the imaginary character will say, perhaps schizophrenics also do this in daylight hallucinations. I don’t know.

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Les United States Posted on 01/25/2007 at 07:12 PM

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I think Melanie forgot to take her medicine again.

DC, don’t encourage the loonies. It only worsens their condition.

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KPatrickGlover United States Posted on 01/25/2007 at 07:50 PM

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In a desperate search for amusement I did a google on Melanie and found some interesting stuff.

This is from a site reviewing a book about Karl Rove:

I typed in ‘ ’ in the google box and this site was number one. Well Jesus did talk to me, I think he has returned. No one believes me, he only talked to me and then he left town. Any way I have proof that he was here. Believe it or not, I don’t care. I am not here to convert anyone. Jesus told me the meaning of First is Last. This seemed to be a big issue with him. It means that when you die it is your birthday.

Now I’m wondering where he went after he left town. But wait, it get’s better. Melanie weighes in on ....

Intelligent Design, Yes, I have proof that there is intelligence behind all of this. How do I know? I was contacted by an intelligence. How was I contacted? The first contact was in three dreams. Then events that followed told me who the dreams were from. They were from the Creator. He does want to have contact with us. Why did he pick me for this contact? That is the same question that I have, I don’t know. I have proof of my story, and I have witnesses and objects.
OH, one more thing before I post this. One of the pieces of proof is that he told me who killed JFK. My question was why would be tell me this, it has nothing to do with his creations or the other messages he gave me. I think it was so that people would believe that he contacted me. The man that Killed JFK was a policeman in Dallas, Texas on Nov. 22, 1963. His initials are F. R., his last name is Ritter. I think some day he will confess or leave something in his will to say that he was involved in the shooting. That is only one piece of proof that I was contacted. Really who would know who killed John F. Kennedy besides the killer? Maybe God for one. I live in New York, I have never been in the South. The only way that I know this is that an Intelligence Contacted me, The Creator. That is not a lie, I don’t lie. I don’t go to Church and I am not here to convert anyone. This is not a joke, I am very serious about what I wrote here.

Yes, that’s right. JF Fucking K.

I love the tinfoil hat people. They’re so quaint.

Sorry to encourage her, Les, but this was just too amusing to pass up.

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Bahamat Great Britain (UK) Posted on 01/26/2007 at 08:22 AM

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I’ll try to criticise w/o encouraging, I’m a little skeptical when someone uses religion to blame someone else:
Maybe it was Melanie that killed JFK, and was trying behind a mask of religion to pass the blame, or maybe it’s just that Melanie knows F R Ritter and doesn’t like him, or even still maybe Melanie and Ritter are one of the same and bragging behind an avatar, maybe Melanie was casting a name into the winds which cannot be proven to try to add weight. I googled F.R.Ritter and found someone by that name who was writing articles on some kind of psychology computer stuff (doesn’t mean it’s same person though, but all the initials matched):

http://www.psychology.nottingham.ac.uk/research/credit/technical_reports/main.html

Besides proof is not just taking a word for it, it’s evidence that survives past an event. If you had hard evidence, show it to the newspapers and see what they make of it- if it was watertight we would all hear about it. Sounded like that’s what was intended; unless maybe it was intended that you made a fool of yourself for some divine purpose

Jesus told me the meaning of First is Last. This seemed to be a big issue with him.

The way that’s phrased sounds like Melanie noticed that JC thought it was important but didn’t understand why because there is no explanation, only an observation of another person’s reaction. I tend to see this when people don’t fully engage with the issue (they wouldn’t leave much space for reaction observation if they were fully engaged)
The idea of first is last only as far as I can tell, to do with solid objects that are not able to move past each other. If you filled a narrow cylinder with balls, the first to go in would be the last to come out only bacause they cannot move past each other. Liquids and gasses can move past each other, being fluid, and so first into a pipe isn’t necessarily last, but if mixing is incomplete it may have firther to travel

It means that when you die it is your birthday

It doesn’t link at all, besides, a birthday is an arbitary point in time because what could be so important about the earth being at approximately the same stage in a rotation around the sun in terms of when you die? A planet, a star even, are only observed as lumps of matter, with reactions to provide the light you might see, there is nothing uniquely mystical about a lump of matter
BTW- There’s about a 0.27% chance of dying on your birthday

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LuckyJohn19 Australia Posted on 01/26/2007 at 04:57 PM

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If he didn’t return “in body” then how can you speak with any conviction about his forehead?

Michael, that was a bit below the belt, even for you.
Using logic to reason with Mel ... what are you going to do next?
Suggest she open her eyes from the dream?
Not to take acid trips seriously?
Get a fuckin’ life?  LOL

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I’ve discovered that it all boils down to brain wiring: your brain is wired to worship magic or it isn’t, either it’s wired to utilize logic or it isn’t, either it’s analytical of myths or it isn’t.

Melanie Stephan United States Posted on 02/02/2007 at 11:58 AM

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Hi, this is Melanie again.  I was surprized you found some of the things that I wrote to other people.  I am not lying. I saw Jesus in my dream. Everything in the dream came true the next day.  That is what really got my attention. I think only God can do that. He talked to me in symbols. It is hard to explain. I wrote a book explaining what he said and how he talked to me.  It is 123 pages long.  So the story is very long. Some of it does sound crazy.  But talking to God is strange. Now I have a question for you.  When Jesus does return he has to contact someone doesn’t he?  I don’t know why he talked to me.  I have been searching the net to find other people that he has talked to also.  I have not been able to find anyone else.  Thank you for taking an interest.  I don’t care if anyone believes me or not am I here to convert anyone.  Go look around and find out for yourself.  People called Jesus crazy too.

Melanie Stephan United States Posted on 02/02/2007 at 12:15 PM

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This is Melanie again.  When I saw Jesus in my dream he was young and very good looking. He was of medium weight, not thin. He was the best looking man that I have ever seen.  He looked at me with affection.  But I believe that was only symbolic. He said nothing in the dream. He didn’t say that he was Jesus either.  I know it was him because he lead me to a place where his name was written on the ground in real life.  There is much more, much more. It was in real life that he talked to me. But you can’t hear him or see him in real life.  I can’t explain it all here, not enough time.

Melanie Stephan United States Posted on 02/02/2007 at 12:24 PM

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Thank you for the feed back. If someone else said that God talked to them, I would think the same thing all of you have just said.  I would think that they are nuts too.  How would I know who killed JFK?  I would guess that Jesus knows.

KPatrickGlover United States Posted on 02/02/2007 at 12:31 PM

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You don’t know who killed JFK, Melanie, you just think you do.

Jesus isn’t real, God isn’t real, anre your dreams are just that, dreams.

You wrote a book about your dream? Show it to a shrink, maybe you’ll get the help you obviously need.

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KPatrickGlover United States Posted on 02/02/2007 at 12:33 PM

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That’ll teach me to proof read before hitting submit.

anre=and

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Les United States Posted on 02/02/2007 at 01:52 PM

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I don’t think you’re lying, Melanie. I just don’t think you’ve got a firm grasp on reality.

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Melanie Stephan United States Posted on 02/02/2007 at 02:00 PM

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Hi, Patrick, You think I am crazy cause Jesus never talked to you.  My question is: “Why isn’t Jesus talking to YOU”?

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