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Happy Undead Zombie Jesus day!

This is the day when Undead Zombie Jesus shuffled out of his tomb and started wandering the countryside hiding colorful eggs to lure small children out so he could eat their brains. The children soon became wise to Undead Zombie Jesus’ ways and stopped hunting for the colorful eggs because they were just eggs with pretty paint on them after all. That’s when Undead Zombie Jesus hit upon a foolproof idea and started putting out baskets full of candy and addictive chocolates shaped like whimsical rabbits. This would ensure that he’d have enough young tasty brains to feed on that he only needed to do this once a year, which is a good thing because it’s a lot of work for an Undead Zombie Jesus who doesn’t move as fast as he used to. So now he spends most of the year preparing his baskets of goodies and colorful painted eggs until the wonderful day of feasting arrives!

So have a Happy Undead Zombie Jesus day!

^{No, I’m not trying to make a particular point. I was just bored with writing Happy Easter for the sixth time since I started this blog.}

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Comments:

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vjack Posted on 03/23/2008 at 01:46 PM

Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine to you too.

TBFI Posted on 03/23/2008 at 01:47 PM

WTF was the stock market closed for “Good Friday”....I resent religion forcing itself on me.

Bastich Posted on 03/23/2008 at 02:13 PM

Funny, I had roughly the same idea. I apologize for inflicting my poor writing on you guys but I couldn’t resist this once.

 Signature 

The above statements brought to you by cold medicine, making people crazy enough to make sense of the senseless for a long time now. 

Last_Hussar Posted on 03/23/2008 at 05:21 PM

About 3 years ago I saw a cartoon in a computer magazine- Jesus in Gethsemanie in classic arms out zombie pose moaning ‘Brains’, speech bubble from top of frame “Oh Bugger”

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“Pickles are evil”
- K Patrick Glover, 10 June 2007

leguru Posted on 03/23/2008 at 09:49 PM

Are you sure the kids

became wise to Undead Zombie Jesus’ ways and stopped hunting for the colorful eggs?

See, if the kids became wise, how come the parents have not? 

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“What is a good man but a bad man’s teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man’s job?
If you don’t understand this, you will get lost,
however intelligent you are.
It is the great secret.” LAO-TZU

penguindevil Posted on 03/24/2008 at 02:21 AM

Hmmm… This post makes me want to become a follower of Undead Zombie.

Bog Brother Posted on 03/24/2008 at 04:48 AM

Hmmm… This post makes me want to become a follower of Undead Zombie.

Yes, it’s perfect. Next time a fundy harasses you about Jebus, you can just say:

“Sure I believe in...Jesus.”

Note, you self censor out Undead Zombie.  You can even tell them you’ve accepted “...Jesus” into your heart, but if you really did, that might lead you to becoming a zombie for real, so maybe just go with the first quote and hope the bastard thinks you are one of them and walks away. If you gotta start explaining the miracles of the Undead Zombie Christ and his delicious candy, you might have a bit of a “discussion” on your hands. You can probably end it by pointing out that Zombie Jesus would really have no interest in a Bible Thumper, since he’s after brains...Then again, maybe the fundy brain is like white meat...rarely used so it’s succulent and tender (to a zombie).

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I will not attack your doctrines nor your creeds if they accord liberty to me. If they hold thought to be dangerous - if they aver that doubt is a crime, then I attack them one and all, because they enslave the minds of men.

-Robert G. Ingersoll

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