My birthday is a week from today, next Wednesday, and I’ve noticed that over the past few years as I get older I spend more time thinking about my age as they loom on the horizon. I caught myself staring at my soon to be 37 year-old face in the bathroom mirror this morning looking for tell-tale signs of wrinkles on the brow or around the eyes. So far I’ve got a few minor creases, but nothing that really counts as a wrinkle yet and my gray hairs appeared to be largely confined to my beard where they are multiplying at a surprising pace, though to be completely honest it’s tough to tell if I have any gray hairs on top of my head as my hair is in the early stages of growing out and is fairly light toned at this stage anyway. One sign of aging I have been noticing as it becomes more pronounced are my ‘Madman Eyebrows.’ You know what I’m talking about, right? It’s like the trials and tribulations of life slowly drive your eyebrows insane and they start growing really long with individual hairs twisting out in wild shapes that can be really cool if you look like Gandalf the Grey or really scary if you happen to look like, well, me. Honestly I think they make me look kinda cool, but Anne doesn’t like my Madman Eyebrows and will occasionally feel compelled to try and force the straggling hairs down into line with the rest of them so I don’t look so scary. This morning they were sticking up all over the place again as is their wont to do at the start of the day and I think I noticed in my moment of self-study that one of them has turned gray. So it looks like the bleaching process may have begun there as well now.
The hair on top of my head is about a quarter inch in length now and I’m thinking that with as cool as the summer has been I may just let it grow out for the coming winter. I haven’t had long hair for the better part of a couple of years now and I’m curious to see how many gray hairs show up once it gets back to its normal length. I should note that “long hair” for me is roughly shoulder length as I’ve never been capable of growing it any longer than that. Once it hits my shoulders the individual hairs become depressed and commit suicide by leaping from my head when I shampoo. Those that don’t commit suicide in the shower just roll up into curls along the back of my neck making it look vaguely like I’m wearing one of those stupid wigs that were popular with the Founding Fathers way back when. If I ever go completely gray then it’ll definitely look like those stupid wigs.
Overall though, I’m holding most of the signs of old age at bay for the time being. Or at least I don’t have any big need to start stocking up on anti-wrinkle cream yet. It’s amazing to me that I’m within three years of being 40. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. OK, some mornings it does feel like it, but most of the time it doesn’t. They say you’re only as old as you feel and most of the time I still feel pretty young despite my Madman Eyebrows. I must say that so far it’s been an interesting trip and I’m looking forward to what the future will bring.
Posted on 08/20/2004 at 08:42 AM 
My eyebrows have been going bonkers for a couple of years now. I remember once thinking, when I saw them on an older gent, “Hey, that’s pretty cool,” followed by, “And now I’ve jinxed myself to discover that they’re not.”
So far the jury is out.