Stupid Evil Bastard: God calls the Pope. Issues new set of 10 Commandments for car drivers.

God calls the Pope. Issues new set of 10 Commandments for car drivers.

Posted by Les on Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 11:31 PM. Read 766 times. Tags: driving commandments, religion, vatican

Apparently having run out of pedophile priests to shuffle around between parishes, the Vatican released a new set of 10 Commandments for drivers:

The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments,” as listed by the document, are:

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

Wow, that’s pretty pathetic. Where’s the THOU SHALL NOT SPEED or the THOU SHALT USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL TO INDICATE LANE CHANGES OR, FOR THAT MATTER, THAT YOU INTEND TO TURN or, even better, the THOU SHALT ALLOW A SAFE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR CAR AND THE ONE IN FRONT OF YOU AT HIGH SPEEDS AND IN BAD WEATHER OR SO HELP ME ME I’LL SMITE YOUR DUMB ASS WITH THE BIGGEST BOLT OF LIGHTENING YOU’VE EVER SEEN?

Instead we get a carefully worded attempt to tell others not to drive drunk when it should say THOU SHALL NOT DRIVE DRUNK YOU SELFISH FUCK. The commandments above make God sound like a pussy or something and no one’s going to listen to commandments from a pussy. Useless.

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Comments:

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Thriceberg

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 12:07 AM

I thought this was a joke until I checked the link.

Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

When did the Catholic Church start stealing material from fortune cookies?

THOU SHALL NOT DRIVE DRUNK YOU SELFISH FUCK

Amen.

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 12:10 AM

Let’s get specific:

Thou shalt not covert thy neighbor’s lane.
Thou shalt not flip off your fellow drivers.

This is worth at least 50% of most altercations.

Like any of this will have any impact on the American driving culture, collectively known as the “FU Generation”, motto="Get Out of My Effing Way”.

< rant off>

whitebloodoftheheavens

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 12:51 AM

Holy fucking shit. I’m in full support of there being a smokin aces two, starring pope benedict arnold the 16th as the poor fuck everyone’s trying to kill for a million dollars. Except this time, the psycho neo-nazis need to live longer. But yes, once again, catholics are trying to be the moral majority and once again, this shit is OLD FUCKING NEWS!!!

And ill flip off, speed, ignore the wounded, cause harm and discord, and be an unforgiving son-bitch as much as I goddamn want!!

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zilch

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 02:59 AM

How about

Thou shalt do the Earth thy Mother a favor and take Public Transportation or Ride a Bike.

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Julian

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 03:59 AM

I dunno. I thought it was one of the more sensible (and harmless) things to come out of the Vatican.

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timmeh

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 06:29 AM

Damn, does this mean I’m breaking even more commandments? If there was a hell I would be so screwed.

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Confucius says, Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Bahamat

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 08:22 AM

good thing he said nothing about banger racing, after all;

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm

so everywhere else is ok, hmm - the sidewalk

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You don’t need to end all existence to end all suffering

whitebloodoftheheavens

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 09:13 AM

the 20 commandments?

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Webs

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 10:16 AM

Of all the shit to come out of the Catholic Church, this certainly has the best opportunity to do some good. It’s obviously written for dumbasses cause people with common sense do most of them anyways. But at least the dumbasses that listen prophetically to the church might start driving more sensibly.

How about

Thou shalt do the Earth thy Mother a favor and take Public Transportation or Ride a Bike.

That’s the best fucking one I’ve heard yet!

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Weapon of Mass Disturbance

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 11:35 AM

Thou shall not operate a motor vehicle while receiving a hummer from the teenaged girl in your lap.

He forgot one.

Last_Hussar

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 07:20 PM

Where’s the THOU SHALL NOT SPEED or the THOU SHALT USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL TO INDICATE LANE CHANGES OR, FOR THAT MATTER, THAT YOU INTEND TO TURN or, even better, the THOU SHALT ALLOW A SAFE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR CAR AND THE ONE IN FRONT OF YOU AT HIGH SPEEDS AND IN BAD WEATHER OR SO HELP ME ME I’LL SMITE YOUR DUMB ASS WITH THE BIGGEST BOLT OF LIGHTENING YOU’VE EVER SEEN?
Instead we get a carefully worded attempt to tell others not to drive drunk when it should say THOU SHALL NOT DRIVE DRUNK YOU SELFISH FUCK.

All pretty much covered by points 6 and 10. Just a bit more diplomatically.

And I have just supported The Vatican against Les. I need a lay down.

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timmeh

Posted on 06/20/2007 at 07:49 PM