Hee, that looks hilarious. 
I’m in the unfortunate situation currently of having to seriously moderate my language.  My son’s nearly nine months old, and I don’t want his first word to be ‘fuck’, which is difficult when you laughed for days at the person who said ‘fuck you, you fucking fuck’ should be the NY state motto (she’s a New Yorker). 
So I say sad little euphemisms like fruit, and frack.

I say fuzz when I’m trying to be respectable and when I can remember to catch myself.

when I can remember to catch myself

That reminds me of the old Freudian Slip joke:

Two guys are sitting at a bar talking and one guy asks the other guy, “Man, do you ever have a Freudian slip?”

“What are you talking about?” says the other guy.

“Well I was at the airport the other day and one of the clerks had really big tits, and I meant to say, ‘Could I have two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ but I accidentally said, ‘Could I have have two tickets to Titsburgh.”

The other guy says, “Oh yeah! I know what you’re talking about! I was sitting at the dinner table with my wife the other day and I meant to say, ‘Could you pass the salt please,’ but instead I said, ’Fuck you bitch; you ruined my life!”

You might also enjoy this advert for Channel 4 from the UK which featured celebs offering their favourite swearword.

http://idents.tv/blog/?p=380

Too damn funny LJ.

I can’t wait for that film to come out, it looks funny.

My granddaughter was about three when she picked up the F word (probably from her father). We knew she would have a rough time if she was too flippant with that word, so we asked her to change “Fuck you” to “Footlocker” and we would all know what she was saying. Needless to say, the first time she used Footlocker we broke up and those around us were wondering, “What’s with those two?” I still chuckle when we pass a store today with that name. 

FUCK!

No to that lady who says that it “actually stands for fornicating under command of the king.” It’s from Middle Dutch “fokken” which means to copulate and Swedish dialect “fock” which means penis.

Tony, these two sites suggest you’re probably wrong. 

I reckon ‘fuck the fucking fucker’ is one of the best sentences ever composed. 

LuckyJohn, I guess I am wrong in asserting that it “comes from” those words/languages. Upon closer look in the etymology part of the entry in my dictionary it mentions “akin to” fokken and fock, not derives from. I missed that part.

But I’m glad to see that the sites you linked don’t state that it comes from “fucking under command of king” or “consent” of king which is totally absurd. The only thing that annoys me more so than dumb legends like this is when people swallow it without even stopping to think for a moment and then go around speaking about it with authority on some documentary.

Like when Dennis Prager says that God never told Abraham “F you.” Ridiculous. English wasn’t even around back then.

I reckon ‘fuck the fucking fucker’ is one of the best sentences ever composed.

Yep

Billy Connolly

Fuck is such an unambiguous word. You never read ‘“Fuck off” he hinted’.  Every body knows what you mean, even foreigners- if you say Fuck Off at customs they understand you

Fartyfuckballs was the original name of Slartybartfast. Adams wanted him to be a terribly sad old man, and decided he was sad about his name, so he started with the rudest combination he could think off, then changed it until it sounded rude, but was broadcastable.

http://www.nailmaster.ru/fuck.html
I found this film to be helpful, Sounds like Ward Cleaver was moonlighting as an announcer.

I found this film to be helpful

Can I be a fucked fucking fuck fucker and draw your attention to the little fuck in the bottom right hand corner of my first comment?

What would you say to a little fuck?
Hell-oh, little fuck. 

Looks to be an entertaining film.  I’ll watch it in California, though- “to fuck” is not really the same as “ficken”.

Thanks for the etymology links, LJ.  I guess we’ll probably never know for sure where “fuck” came from.  I remember reading somewhere the theory that it came from the proto-Indoeuropean root *peig-, also supposedly the source of “foe”, “fiend”, and “fey”, and originally had nothing to do with sex, but meant something closer to modern “fuck off” (and die).  But who knows?

In a song I sing in our current marionette concert, Oswald von Wolkenstain brags about the seven languages he speaks, and gives us five synonyms for fucking, all in Middle High German:

Tewczsch welisch mach
franczoisch wach
vngrischen lach
brot windisch bach
flemming so krach
Latein die sybend sprach.

That is, “make”, “wake”, “laugh”, “bake”, and “crash”.  You can see by the similarity of all these words to their modern counterparts how closely English is related to German.  As far as I know, the only one of these words that can still mean “fuck” in either language is make, in English: “I made her last night”.  But that’s pretty old fashioned nowadays, isn’t it?

I just had a thought - you know in old English the ‘S’ used to be much larger and shaped like the modern ‘f’ - could it be relevant?
I realise that suck and fuck are different but I recall back in my fucking days there was a fair amount of sucking foreplay.
I know it’s a leap but ... just wondering is all. 

Sorry LuckyJohn19 for re-doing you paste project. But it was late, I was tired, I don’t know how your post got by me. As a compliment..Seriously, you and many like are the reason I came here. Maybe this was my wake the fuck up call.

That reminds me of the old Freudian Slip joke

Bit like when my wife asked for a double entendre, so I gave her one.

Enter the dragon. 

Hee, that looks hilarious.
I’m in the unfortunate situation currently of having to seriously moderate my language.  My son’s nearly nine months old, and I don’t want his first word to be ‘fuck’, which is difficult when you laughed for days at the person who said ‘fuck you, you fucking fuck’ should be the NY state motto (she’s a New Yorker).
So I say sad little euphemisms like fruit, and frack.

I need to moderate my language as well.  The other day I heard my 4 year old muttering ‘Goddammit’ under his breath.  That’s my favorite expletive, so I know exactly where he got it from and I’m hoping he doesn’t say it anywhere his grandmother can hear it or I’ll get a lecture.