...nevermind, I really don’t want to know.

The question is one I had never thought to ask anyone until, that is, I read this news story:

Woman Denies Sherry Enema Charge

HOUSTON (Reuters) - A Texas woman indicted last month for allegedly giving her husband a lethal sherry enema said he was an enema addict who did it to himself, a newspaper reported Thursday.

Tammy Jean Warner said late husband Michael Warner had an alcohol problem and enjoyed giving himself wine or sherry enemas because his body would absorb the spirits more quickly that way.

“That’s the way he went out and I’m sure that’s the way he wanted to go out because he loved his enemas,” she told the Houston Chronicle.

Michael Warner, 58, died on May 21 and was found to have a blood alcohol level of 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level considered too drunk to drive in Texas.

Mrs. Warner, 42, is accused of giving her husband a sherry enema even though she knew alcohol was bad for this health and faces a charge of criminally negligent homicide.

“There’s no way I could have gave my husband that enema, no way,” she said.

Police in Lake Jackson, Texas, 40 miles south of Houston, said there was evidence that Mr. Warner had received two large bottles of sherry.

“It all started back when he was a child,” Mrs. Warner explained. “His mother used to give him enemas all the time, and he started to depend on them.”

“He did coffee enemas, he did Castile soap, Ivory soap,” she said. “He had enema recipes.”

Mrs. Warner, a former bartender who got married to Warner in October 2002, is also charged with destroying his will, but she denied the charge, the Chronicle said.

Currently free on $30,000 bail, she is scheduled to go to trial in July. If convicted, she faces up to two years in prison and a $10,000 fine on each charge.

Reading this butt clenching butt cleansing story was bad enough, but being the insatiable Oddly Enough News reader that I am, I had to have more. The next story I read had me switching from clenching to cupping in vicarious dismay:

Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

LONDON (Reuters) - A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off her ex-lover’s testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances.

She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying “that’s yours.”

Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing.

I found myself disappointed with the charge of “unlawful wounding” because it is so inadequate to express the enormous violence this criminal act presented. At the very least I had hoped they would charge her with attempted murder and cannibalism. This bitch savagely ripped a man’s testicle from his person with her HAND. Then she put it in her MOUTH. She was his “lover” and she did this to him. Fuck yeah this is unlawful! This is unspeakably, barbarously wrong! Do we really need a law telling us not to do this?

The common theme here is alcohol of course…and well, females, but men do worse at times. I just don’t know if they are ever quite as imaginative as these two women were. What am I saying! Of course they are,  often without the excuse of alcohol.

So there you have it - Coming and going, crimes of this nature prove it doesn’t suit some to drink or to be around others who are under the influence of alcohol.

Excuse me, while I go have a drink to steady my nerves. Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! indeed!