I write a fair amount about various Craptastic Products^TM that people of questionable ethics (or sanity) attempt to foist off on the general public as legitimate items worthy of the ridiculously high price tag they carry. Things like that stupid Q-Ray bracelet and the equally ridiculous Philip Stein Teslar Watch and these entries often become pretty highly ranked on Google. As a result those entries get a lot of visitors looking for information and invariably this means that someone who’s a fan of one of these Craptastic Products^TM will show up sooner or later and attempt to defend said product. Usually they do it in the comments, but sometimes they send me an email. Over the last day or two I’ve had the unique pleasure of receiving just such an email from one Preston Craven who took me to task for my criticism of the aforementioned watch that supposedly cancels out harmful EMF radiation from cell phones and the like. His emails, which I will reproduce below, are typical of many that I get on a semi-regular basis. Often they’re amusing. Especially when, as in Preston’s case, they make grandiose claims of “majoring in theoretical mathematics and physics” and yet they can’t manage simple punctuation, decent spelling or proper word spacing in their emails.

Here is the first email along with my response:

> while i am sure that u have read ad nausium about the
> teslar watch, i doubt very seriusly that you
> understand it!

Now there’s a claim I keep hearing over and over again on everything from this stupid watch to the nature of UFOs and how John Edward manages to talk to dead people. OK, I’m game. Enlighten me.

> it works on refined theories of quantum
> subtructures and physics...wich i doubt,very much that
> you can comprehend.

You’d be surprised at what I can comprehend. More than the average person, that’s for sure. My IQ of 135 should be good for something, but then claims like the above are common from people who wish to peddle their craptastic products as legitimate and worthwhile investments.

> if you had bothered to read the
> proof that NASA has gathered you may be
> convinced,watchout though,it is not lite reading!

I have yet to find any proof from NASA in regards to the Teslar watch. There’s nothing in the way of comments or proof on the Phillip Stein Teslar Watch website and there’s nothing I can locate at the official NASA website on teslar watches either. I notice you didn’t provide any links to purported proof from NASA either. Supposedly you’ve seen said proof so it shouldn’t be difficult to provide it.

> the
> teslar watch is an earth frequency generator that was
> originally designed to assist astronauts with space
> sickness,and it is proven to work, quite well!the EFG
> works by simulating the harmonic resonance feild of
> the earth, but you would not know anything about that
> would you…

Considering the only mention I can find of concepts such as an “earth frequency generator” or the “harmonic resonance field of the earth” is on “alternative” medicine websites and I can find no mention of such a things in any academic journals let alone anywhere on NASA’s webpage then I’d have to agree with you and say, yes, I wouldn’t know anything about those things as there doesn’t seem to be any scientific data on either of them.

> you sound like someone who has a grudge
> with the world,

Why? Because I don’t buy into bullshit products and I get angry when con-men try to pass them off as legit? I don’t have a grudge with the world, just a select few people within it.

> you DON’T understand the physics
> behind how the watch works,if you did, you would not
> be skeptical and understand that the watch is not
> bullshit.

Common claim and a really bad logical argument. I’m skeptical and think it’s bullshit precisely because I do have a good grasp of physics. I’d be more inclined to believe in it the less I understood. But if you can prove otherwise, feel free.

> in fact...i will admit that i felt the same
> way...at first. the doctor that i work for asked me to
> help her understand the finer points of how the watch
> worked, i am majoring in theoretical mathematics and
> physics, so i translated, at first i thought it was
> bullshit, until i read on,and on, and on. no offense,
> but there is no way the layman could possibly
> understand the vast theories on scalar quantities,
> anyway even after reading all the equations and
> crunching all the numbers, i was more convinced…

You’re majoring in theoretical mathematics and physics? At which University? It’s clear you’re not majoring in English or Communications based on this email. It’s great that you crunched all the numbers, surely you saved that data in some form of report so you could show it to doubters such as myself, yes? Or did you let all that effort studying and working the numbers go to waste? Anecdotes are nice and all, but they tend to be tremendously unreliable.

> but
> i am a show me kinda guy, so the doc made a deal with
> me,” wear it for a week, then say its malarky” so i
> took her up on it, i have not taken the watch off
> since!

And I should accept your judgment on the matter because… why exactly? Some yahoo sends me an email out of the blue claiming to have done all the work to prove this silly watch actually does what its makers claim despite being based on “pretend physics” and I’m just supposed to accept at face value that you’re the expert at theoretical mathematics and physics you claim to be and change my tune? I’d be happy to take a look at your research and all the effort you’ve put into this little venture, I’d be happy to consider reading any papers you can send me a link to that have been published by respected science journals or organizations, but I won’t just take your word for it no matter how many times you insult me.

> the watch works by augmenting the human
> electrical feild,you can actually see kirlian photos
> of this process taking place! photos taken by NASA’s
> finest!

Blah blah blah blah blah. Heard all this crap before. Kirlian photos aren’t much more than a cute parlor trick, scientifically speaking. Surely you can do better than that. If this shit is supposed to be so hard to understand then how is a simple trick like a Kirlian photo supposed to be convincing?

> you can argue all you want and i know that
> noone could ever convince you otherwise, but you are
> wrong, though i dont think you are the kind of man who
> could admit that.

Well I’m certainly not going to admit I’m wrong on the basis of the flimsy argument you’ve made in this email. You haven’t said anything I’ve not heard before, you’ve offered no outside data to verify your claims, you keep making reference to NASA without providing any proof and so on and so on. If you honestly don’t think anyone could ever convince me otherwise then why are you bothering to try? That’s pretty fucking stupid if you ask me. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one here? As for admitting I can be wrong, all I can say is my website is full of examples of me admitting I was wrong about something. Guess you don’t know me as well as you think you do.

> i suggest that you visit ELF
> labratories and look up a noted scientist who dveloped
> the real scalar watch, this stein watch is nothing
> more than a cheaper built more coslty version of the
> real thing!

ELF Laboratories as in the folks who produce the Light Beam Generator? Oh please. Don’t make me laugh.

> like i said, the scalar watch is a proven
> peice of technology whose healing benifits were
> discovered quite by accident, it involved a prototype of the power core being set down near a petrie dish of
> cultured lymphocytes,anyway,

I’ve yet to see any proof of its validity and you’ve not provided anything new in this email that would give me any reason to suspect any such proof exists.

> if you would take the
> time to look into it, i am sure you would see that
> energy medicine is the way of the future, however,
> people always attack what they do not understand, and
> you do not understand the process of how the scalar
> watch works,

Again, a common claim from those who would peddle their bullshit as being valid science. If I don’t understand something I’ll look into it before offering an opinion. I try my hardest not to attack things which I have little to no knowledge about, that’s not my style. I’m firmly of the belief that there’s a big difference between an opinion and an informed opinion. Try offering some proof instead of claiming to know what I do and don’t understand and then perhaps you’ll change my mind.

> let me rephrase that, you amy be right
> about this stein watch, but as far as the real
> thing"wich might i add that the real scalar watch does
> not cost anywere in the ballpark of what the stein
> watch costs” it works.

Sure thing, pal. I bet you’ve got your own pet unicorn in your backyard too. Does it wear a scalar watch as well?

> i know that you will probably
> just put this out there and bash the hell out of me,
> but if you do, i have the satisfaction of knowing that
> i am right about you and the scalar watch.

I wasn’t going to bother posting it to my website, but it’s so damned funny and I hate to disappoint your preconceptions about me so perhaps I will after all. Should be good for a laugh.

> P.S. you
> need to go straight to a website that will inform you
> on all you need to know about physics,after you read
> that, if you still dont believe,then i will only have
> been proven more right than you know,have fun!

And which website would that be then? I see you once again haven’t bothered to so much as name it, let alone provide a link to it. While you’re working on that degree in mathematics and physics you may want to consider taking a couple of courses in English and Logic as this email you sent was just fucking pathetic on both counts.

Nice talking with you.

Les

So some time passes and I eventually get the following two replies in short order:

like i said, u just prove me right with every jibe,
mr.bullshit

And....

135, wow impressive,so thats how you read the e-mail
lol,anyway thanx for the reply, at least i know you
read it

To which I replied with the following in a single response:

Whatever makes you happy. I’ll note for the record, however, that you decided to cop out instead of providing any of the requested info or references. Which just validates my initial thoughts about you as well. So I suppose neither one of us is disappointed or surprised.

Yep, I read it. I had little else better to do with my time and it was amusing enough in its own right. Studying theoretical mathematics, right, I believe that about as much as I believe that stupid watch works.

Les

Time passes and he speaks once again…

blah,blah,blah,i gave you all you need to know,the way
i see it,you copped out by not bothering to try and
understand it,so like i said,every time u reply,i
forward the e-mail to other peers and we have a good
laugh,so i wouldmt bother to even try it, you are
after all alot of talk, have a nice day.

To which I offered the following:

You didn’t give me jack shit. You claimed NASA had done all sorts of studies that proved it worked. You claimed it was clinically proven. You made a lot of claims without providing anything to back them up. Claims I can get from anyone. If you have proof then reveal it. If you don’t then you’ll just continue to respond in this same grammatically challenged manner. Put up or shut up. Anything else is just you wasting more hot air.

What’s to understand? You didn’t offer up any details on how it was supposed to work. You did spew out a lot of pseudo-scientific gobbledy-gook such as the “Earth’s harmonic resonance field” and “kirlian photos,” but nothing in the way of a scientific explanation on how this supposed scalar technology actually works let alone any studies that seem to indicate it has any basis in reality.

Like I said before, that’s hardly surprising.

Forward away. It’s not like it bothers me to have people dumb enough to think there’s anything behind the Teslar Watch laughing at me. They say that ignorance is bliss, you guys must be one happy bunch.

Les

Finally this evening I got the following:

man,give it up, you sound more lame with every
e-mail,you sre starting to sound like your grasping at
straws,oh,by the way,your address has been blocked,in
fact anyone who is not in my address book can no
longer send me e-mails,your desperate attempts to make
yourself feel intelligent were beginning to crowd my
mailbox,it will still say that i am receiving them but
they will be filtered out by my server,so tah tah,have
fun...inch

I couldn’t resist a parting shot so I replied back with:

Now why is this not surprising? When confronted with a challenge to prove your bullshit you run like a scared puppy. Fucking sad.

Les

It didn’t bounce so I’m assuming he got it, not that it actually matters either way. This fellow is a perfect example of the “loyal parrot” syndrome that seems commonplace among the true believers. They show up, spew out the same nonsense you could read for yourself in the Craptastic Product’s sales brochure, make big claims of being authorities on subjects that you couldn’t possibly ever hope to understand, and then run for the hills the moment you ask them to back up their bullshit with some hard facts all the while sputtering about how asking them to prove their shit don’t stink just shows how right they are.

It’s hard to judge whether these people actually believe this crap or are just the ones actually trying to sell it so they want you to think they really believe this crap. I’m sure there’s a little of both that show up from time to time. Fun reading, eh?