OK, I asked folks to send me some burning questions via email that I could answer as entries during the ‘thon and for the most part you people ignored me. Then my die-hard fans stepped up to the plate and tossed a few my way and as such when I become richer than Bill Gates I will reward them by purchasing small tropical countries for them to rule as they see fit. I bet the rest of you wished you’d sent me some burning questions now, doncha!!

The first question comes from my fellow blogger, and special SEB Guest today, The Minx who asks: Why do you paint your toenails? Why do you tell us about it? *laugh* And for fucks’ sake why always metal-flake blue?

I blame Hairboy for getting me started on it. I seem to recall he had painted his toenails at one point in time in the distant past and I recall the surprise I felt when I noticed them and it got me thinking about why it was such a big deal that I should express surprise over it. Being ADD this led to wondering why it’s OK for women to paint their nails and not men, or at least not men outside of Hollywood. And that led to wondering who the hell came up with the idea of women painting their nails and how did they convince them it was a good idea. Then I came across an issue of Maximum PC in which they had an article about doing a case mod with an ice-theme to it and in the pictures showing the guy putting the system together I noticed that he had painted his fingernails. This all added up and made me curious enough that I wanted to try painting my nails, but being aware of the fact that my employers may be sensitive about such a thing I decided my toe nails would be a safer bet than my finger nails. After all, I’m wearing shoes most of the day at work. It probably didn’t help that Anne was playfully threatening to paint my toenails around about that time as well. I think she wanted to do it just out of curiosity herself. That was back when we were dating. So I broke down and asked her to paint my toenails.

It turned out to not to be the big deal I thought it would be and I didn’t feel any different for having painted toenails. I probably wouldn’t have bothered to continue to paint my toenails if it were for the reaction it got from folks outside of my immediate family the first time they saw them when I wore sandals. My family is used to me doing odd things every so often so they were unaffected by it. Strangers in the local mall, however, were suddenly getting the hell out of my way as I walked by. I look pretty normal for the most part, I don’t have pierced ears and my hair style is fairly standard if somewhat boring, so the sudden realization that I had blue toenails seemed to cause a form of cognitive dissonance in people who aren’t used to being around me and there’s a part of me that likes to fuck with people’s minds a little. It’s subtle and a lot of people never notice it, but those that do suddenly have to challenge their perceptions of who I am. Is he gay? Does he know he has blue toenails? He looks like a biker. Is he a gay biker? I like making people think and re-examine their internal stereotypes.

Why do I tell you guys about it? Same reason I wear sandals in public. Part of it is the attention it gets me. Part of it is to re-emphasize my desire to off-set myself as an individual. Part of it is to show I don’t care if people think I’m out of line for doing things that ‘guy’s aren’t supposed to do.’

Why always metal-flake blue? Cause it’s a manly color! The sort of color you see on cars. For some reason the fact that I paint my toenails bothers other men a lot more than most women and yet by mentioning the fact that it’s metal-flake blue that seems to calm those men down a little. Conversations with them go something like this:

Some Guy: You paint your toenails?!?
Me: Yes, but it’s a very macho metal-flake blue color. Like on cars.
Some Guy: Oh, well, that’s OK then I suppose.

I don’t know why it works, but it does. For those of you who would like to try and earn my good graces in hopes of getting your own tropical country some day by tossing me your Burning Questions at the last minute, drop me an email and I’ll consider counting you as a die-hard fan.