From our WTF department comes word of Microsoft being granted a patent for, of all things, the double-click. As in, clicking an application button twice to launch a function.
Microsoft granted patent for double-click
Microsoft has been granted a patent on the double-click by the US Patents and Trademark Office. The patent, number 6,727,830, was granted on April 27.
An abstract of the application says: “A method and system are provided for extending the functionality of application buttons on a limited resource computing device. Alternative application functions are launched based on the length of time an application button is pressed. A default function for an application is launched if the button is pressed for a short, i.e., normal, period of time.
“An alternative function of the application is launched if the button is pressed for a long, (e.g., at least one second), period of time. Still another function can be launched if the application button is pressed multiple times within a short period of time, e.g., double click.“
The inventors have been cited as Charlton E. Lui and Jeffrey R. Blum and the assignee is Microsoft Corporation.
The field of the invention “relates generally to computer systems, and more particularly to increasing the functionality of application buttons on a limited resource computing device”, the patent application says.
Pardon me, while I recover from my stunned disbelief that our Patent Office is so incredibly fucking clueless. I had such a hard time believing this to be a real news item that I went to the Patent Office webpage and looked it up myself and there it was.
Having had the chance to read the actual patent it’s not quite as outrageous as it first sounds. Seems this patent is aimed particularly at Palm-size PC devices, though it’s still questionable if there isn’t prior-art that would conflict with this patent. Without spending more time studying the patent I’m speculating on how broadly it might be applied or whether it should be considered legitimate, but with the Patent Office’s record of not really carefully considering some of the patents they hand out it’s easy to be pessimistic about this development.



















There may be a method behind all this madness. Stick with me on this one:
A company patents something bleedingly obviously common. To make it challenging, they limit it to a certain subsegment of applications.
* The patent application gets money for the US government.
* The patent application process gets money for the employees of the company, by giving them continued work to do.
* The patent application gets money for the shareholders, by increasing the paper valuation of the company.
They sue the bejeezus out of other companies for IP violations. The trial drags out for months, even a year or two.
* This gets money for the legal eagles on all sides, who have to research and argue the case.
* This gets money for the court employees, such as the bailiff, judge(s), court recorders, and so on.
* This gets money for the general marketplace, because in the speculation surrounding the Patenting Company’s valuation, other companies’ relative values may rise. This stimulates trading (which gets money for the stockbrokers, the folks who take care of the day-to-day minutae of stock market administration and reporting, et cetera.)
* The potential fear surrounding penalties levied spurs people to come up with alternate means of accomplishing whatever task this patented thing did. This gets money for the people who think it up, market it, produce it, document it, and so on.
* This gets money for the government, who taxes the snot out of everyone below them.
Ugh.
I think I need a wash after that one.