Setting aside the unintentional humor of it all, I was especially struck by . . . → Read More: I can certainly think of some wonderful things your mouth can do.]]> You can’t beat Christian television programs aimed at kids for unintentional hilarity. Take for example this clip about how you shouldn’t cuss or use God’s name in vain. In particular the song plays hell with a corrupt mind like mine:

Setting aside the unintentional humor of it all, I was especially struck by the woman’s statement that we should be respectful of God when speaking of him because “our mouths were made to give him honor and praise.”

Really? Any other uses we might have for it, say eating food to keep us alive or breathing or having meaningful conversations with other humans, all of that is incidental and not really what God was worried about when he slapped our pie holes on our faces? No, our mouths were designed specifically to masturbate God’s ego because he’s so fucking insecure that he has to whip up all of creation just to have some pathetically flawed creatures tell him how amazingly wonderfully amazing he is regularly in hopes he won’t throw them into a fiery pit for all of eternity.  Talk about having an inferiority complex…

But beyond that the other overriding thought while watching this video is: Wow, could these people be any more… struggling to come up with the right word… I kinda want to say “white”, but not sure that’s what I really mean.

It’s like they’re trying so hard to appear squeaky clean that my skepticism sense goes into overdrive. I don’t know of anyone who behaves like any of those people in real life and I’m instantly distrustful of anyone who seems to be trying convince others that they really are that way all the time. I know a few people who are somewhat close to that most of the time, but even they have their bad days where cussing is not only not out of the question, but engaged in liberally.

The really odd thing about this clip is that I don’t really disagree with the idea that little kids should probably avoid cussing until their old enough to do it effectively. At the same time there are times when a kid might cuss that I would totally understand and tolerate because it’s the sort of situation I’d probably cuss in as well. Yeah, that’s pretty vague and arbitrary and is probably a result of my own upbringing more so than any well-thought out moral principle. Still, while I agree with the message, the presentation is just awful.

I suppose it could just be my natural cynicism. I’ve said more than once that motivational posters don’t really work on me because they cause my cynicism to flare up. Perhaps that’s what’s happening when I watch this video clip.

Though you have to admit, it is pretty damned funny.

Almost makes me want to get a puppy. Almost.

Via ***Dave Does The Blog.

Seriously, who doesn’t know what the fuck Macaroni and Cheese is? I can think of at least two brands of it (Kraft and Velveeta)  that are advertised on television constantly. It goes all the way back to the 14th Century for chrissake! July 14th is National Mac & Cheese day in the . . . → Read More: Confused Pat Robertson doesn’t know what Mac & Cheese is. Asks if it’s a “black thing.”]]>

Seriously, who doesn’t know what the fuck Macaroni and Cheese is? I can think of at least two brands of it (Kraft and Velveeta)  that are advertised on television constantly. It goes all the way back to the 14th Century for chrissake! July 14th is National Mac & Cheese day in the United States. It’s popular in a shitload of other countries. How can he be on this Earth for 81 years and not have heard of Mac & Cheese? You’d think God might have mentioned it to him at least once in all that time.

Of course, the real stunner here isn’t his not knowing what Mac & Cheese is, but his followup question. “Is that a black thing?” Really? Really?!?

Seriously, who the fuck does this?

In the comments at least one person suggested that the reality is probably that someone got caught trying to steal condoms by opening a package and stuffing . . . → Read More: Drug store puts up sign asking folks not to try on condoms before buying them.]]> A thread over on Reddit shows a sign that one drug store felt was necessary to curtail some inappropriate shopping habits:

Seriously, who the fuck does this?

In the comments at least one person suggested that the reality is probably that someone got caught trying to steal condoms by opening a package and stuffing the contents in their pockets who then lied and said they wanted to try one on. I really hope that’s the case, because the thought that there are people out there shameless enough to try a condom on in the middle of a store before buying it is more than I can wrap my head around, if you’ll pardon the pun.

I’ve been around long enough that I wouldn’t be surprised if someone were actually doing a test fitting before purchase, but I don’t understand the thought process that allows one to think this is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Then again, I don’t understand the thought process behind the act of taking a picture of your junk and sending it across the Internet to strangers you barely know which seems to be all the rage among young people and certain Congresscritters either. Admittedly I don’t have a body most folks would want to see naked in the first place, but once that pic is out there it’s out there forever where it can come back to bite you in the ass someday.

via I was about to try one on until I saw this attention sign… : WTF.

Brought to us by The Engineer’s Guide to Cats.

Now, almost eight years to the day . . . → Read More: SEB Mailbag: Norman Snyder presents a most eloquent defense of the Philip Stein Teslar watch.]]> Way back in August of 2003 I wrote an article about a craptastic product known as the Philip Stein Teslar watch. Since then I’ll occasionally get an email from someone who either sells the watches or has owned one and is incensed that I would call them bullshit.

Now, almost eight years to the day that I published the original entry, we have this amazing bit of logic sent in by another fan:

From: Norman Snyder (nshandimon312@hughes.net)

Subject: ! CHEAP FUCK THAT’S ALL

You sound like the kinda person that would drop a dollar to pick up a dime, I’f you dont agree with the statements made by Phillip Stein don’t fuckin buy it. keep wearing your mickey mouse watch and be happy. Just because someone can afford to toss money around, shound;nt be of any of your concern, they earned it and can do what ever they wish to do with it! Poor Poor Les NO MONEY FOR ME …. EVERYONE SHOULD LIVE LIKE POOR ASS LES.

You’ll note right away the subtle, but effective use of ALL CAPS as a persuasion technique. The irrefutable logic of “if you can’t afford to wear bullshit you shouldn’t talk about those who can.” His grasp of the finer points of argumentation are undeniably amazing. I am humbled and chastened by his stunning rebuke.

Norman Snyder, making the world safe for douchebags with more money than common sense.

Touched by His noodly appendage!

It only took him three years in total, but Pastafarian Niko Alm finally got his driver’s license. The reason it took so long? He insisted on wearing his Holy Headgear: a colander.

Niko Alm first applied for the licence three years ago after reading that headgear was allowed in . . . → Read More: Austria drivers licence embraces Pastafarian headgear]]>

Touched by His noodly appendage!

It only took him three years in total, but Pastafarian Niko Alm finally got his driver’s license. The reason it took so long? He insisted on wearing his Holy Headgear: a colander.

Niko Alm first applied for the licence three years ago after reading that headgear was allowed in official pictures only for confessional reasons.

Mr Alm said the sieve was a requirement of his religion, pastafarianism.

Later a police spokesman explained that the licence was issued because Mr Alm’s face was fully visible in the photo.

“The photo was not approved on religious grounds. The only criterion for photos in driving licence applications is that the whole face must be visible,” said Manfred Reinthaler, a police spokesman in Vienna.

[...] The licence took three years to come through and, according to Mr Alm, he was asked to submit to a medical interview to check on his mental fitness to drive but – straining credulity – his efforts have finally paid off.

[...] When asked for his reaction to Mr Reinthaler’s comments, Mr Alm told the broadcaster ORF: “I didn’t know I was guilty of not collecting it. That doesn’t alter the fact that it still took nearly a year [to be issued]“.

via Austrian driver allowed ‘pastafarian’ headgear photo – BBC News.

Next up Niko hopes to petition the government to make Pastafarianism an officially recognized faith. And why not? It’s about as believable as any other religion.

Suggested by SEB regular Lordklegg.

For those of you who don’t know the reference being made, click here.