Sometimes a little advanced planning can save you a lot of trouble.

The following news item is pretty typical of what you’ll see in any local paper these days. Someone gets into a high-speed chase with the cops because they’ve done something stupid:

Mandy Ramsey, 35, of Fort McCoy, was speeding south on County Road 318 in a Ford F-250 pickup truck when a patrol car chased after her to pull her over, according to a Marion County Sheriff’s Office report.

After seeing the patrol car in pursuit, the woman turned onto Northeast 220 Street and then continued down Northeast 10th Avenue, running a stop sign and eventually hitting an oak tree.

The only question is: What is the stupid thing they’ve done that left them feeling they had no recourse other than to flee from the police? Had a dead body in the bed of the truck? Open bottles of booze in the seat next to them? Carrying huge amounts of crack cocaine or crystal meth?

In this case it was nothing so mundane…

The deputy lost Ramsey during the chase in the area, but soon found the car parked behind a mobile home with its passenger side mirror broken with an oak tree leaf in it, according to reports.

Deputies made contact with the vehicle’s owner, Ramsey’s boyfriend, who said he hadn’t driven the car in over two hours. Ramsey then admitted to deputies that she didn’t stop because she was driving topless and wanted to surprise her boyfriend.

You have to admit, that’s one helluva surprise. Honey, I got into a police chase and wrecked your truck all so you could see my tits! Surprise!

The thing I find most amusing about this is that just a little bit of forethought could have prevented the problem. Start with not speeding on the drive over to his house so the cops won’t decide to pull you over. Too much of a lead foot? Then perhaps you should consider take a shirt with you on the off-chance the cops do catch you speeding.

Hell, for that matter, how long does it take someone to yank off their shirt in the car after they’ve arrived safe and sound at the house? Leave the bra at home and toss on some oversized T-shirt you can slip out of in 2 seconds flat and you’re all set. This isn’t rocket science folks.

I can appreciate surprise tits as much as the next guy, but I can appreciate not having to bail someone out of jail after they wrecked my vehicle a heck of a lot more.


  1. Hi, just found your site. Was looking for some background on Horus, Isis and Osiris and came upon your post from around 2005-or 06. I haven’t done enough research yet to formulate an opinion-just a lot of conflicting information I’ve found-but something you wrote did grab my attention. While I agree that on both sides of religion/non-religion, people tend to reach sometimes to support their idea of the truth, and so maybe it is an attempt to link the two (Jesus and Horus), but…having sex with a dead guy-I don’t care what kind of penis you fashion-is not procreation. And I think Osiris was a god? At least that’s what I’ve read so far. Having sex with a god, who is dead and so no sperm is released, could be considered a mystical birth of sorts because technically at that point he’s just a prop for a dildo right? And masturbation with a prop on a dead god, that does not produce semen and yet you become pregnant, could reasonably be seen as becoming miraculously pregnant by a god. Just saying…looking forward to reading more of your site.

  2. I have to use this as a random quote somewhere.

    “I can appreciate surprise tits as much as the next guy, but I can appreciate not having to bail someone out of jail after they wrecked my vehicle a heck of a lot more.”

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