If you buy organic water you’re a fucking idiot.

Bullshit in a bottle.

Sometimes I despair over the huge number of people who have no ethical issues with latching onto the latest buzzword to try and scam people with bullshit products. It doesn’t help that the general public is aware of said buzzwords, but doesn’t generally understand what they really mean.

Take the word “organic.” For a lot of people that word is synonymous with “natural” which they assume means that it’s good for you.  Among the health food conscious, “organic” has been a buzzword for years so it’s no surprise that it’s slapped on all sorts of products that aren’t truly organic. Take, for example, bottled water:

Organic Water: A New Marketing Wave : Shots – Health Blog : NPR

Perched on a white tablecloth we noticed some very sleek water bottles, labeled Illanllyr SOURCE. A serious guy named Eric Ewell eagerly offered us a taste, “Try this pristine organic water.” We choked back a giggle. Organic? Really?

As the company’s website says, “Illanllyr … comes from our sources beneath certified organic fields in west Wales in the UK.” So, Ewell says, the water has never been tainted with chemicals, making it organic as it as it emerges from the ground.

Ewell is full of shit. First off, water is a chemical. Most of us don’t think of it as a chemical, but it is so to say that it’s “untainted with chemicals” is technically untrue. Perhaps that’s nitpicky, but it’s also true that water from natural aquifers often contains other trace chemicals that occur naturally in the environment.

Second, water contains no carbon and is not the product of decay or capable of decay so it is not an organic material, which is part of what defines something as being “organic.” The fact that they extract their water through a “certified organic field” does nothing to make the water organic.

Now perhaps the standards for labeling something as organic in the U.K. are vastly different than here in the U.S., but according to the USDA both water and salt can not be certified as organic:

Can salt & water be certified as organic under the NOP?

No. Salt and water cannot be certified as organic. They must also be excluded when calculating the percentage of organically produced ingredients.

I could only find one place online offering the product and I’m not going to link to them, but apparently this stuff sells for $1.59 for a 11.2 ounce bottle (and Google Shopping estimates that with taxes and shipping your total jumps to $11.41 a bottle!). That’s roughly $18.17 a gallon!

Granted, all bottle water is ridiculously overpriced, but here you’re paying extra for bullshit claims that add nothing to the product other than cost. But damn if those bottles aren’t purty!

Sadly, it doesn’t appear these guys are the only ones trying to market organic water. If you buy any of them you have Cheez Whiz for brains.

9 thoughts on “If you buy organic water you’re a fucking idiot.

  1. Give them credit for something. They have figured out how to separate the idiots from the rest of us, and the idiots from their money.

  2. Reminds me of “Crystal Skull” Vodka, which is “filtered through DIAMONDS”.
    I don’t know if it has What Plants Crave or not.

  3. Hmmm. British mineral water being criticised by the country that brought us Dasani.

    I understand the criticisms perfectly, and I am in no way trying to say you are wrong. However remember that in the UK ‘organic’ has a second ‘sales’ meaning of ‘natural’, ie uninterfered with (no additives, no pesticides, hormones etc. We actually have had ‘Organic Salt’ – I ranted how can a rock be organic, but in this context it means salt recovered by evaporation of natural saline, rather than forcing high pressure boiling water through salt caves to make ‘artificial saline’).

    So tap water is basically water “scrubbed clean”. Perfect clean and potable, but in no way “natural water” – would you drink from a puddle. Mineral and Spring water must be bottled at source without intervention. Basically this means you can stick a bore pipe into the aquifer to allow the water out, but it must be fit for human consumption, on strict standards, as it emerges, and put straight into the bottles in which it will be sold.

    I don’t like straight tap water, probably because I have lived in hard water areas all my life – south eastern England being mostly chalk. I like mineral water, especially carbonated. I don’t buy it often, usually only restaurents, where I find it complements the food, or when I’m out and want just water to drink (as I don’t carry bottled tap water).

    Dasani on the other hand is just tap water sold expensively – they just stick it through another couple of filters, which are basically pointless. I understand it is really popular in the US. In the UK it was laughed out of the country. Mush of this is due to one of Britain’s favourite sit -coms- “Only Fools and Horses”. Wide boy and chancer Del Trotter fakes a spring to get accrediation for his ‘Peckham Spring’ mineral water, and then fills the bottles up from the tap in his council flat kitchen. When Dasani was found to be just tap water comparisons were made. When the bottling plant was revealed to be just outside of Peckham, Coca Cola slunk away due to the ridicule.

  4. Last Hussar wrote:

    I understand the criticisms perfectly, and I am in no way trying to say you are wrong. However remember that in the UK ‘organic’ has a second ‘sales’ meaning of ‘natural’, ie uninterfered with (no additives, no pesticides, hormones etc.

    That’s the problem. People shouldn’t equate “organic” with “natural” as there are plenty of unnatural organic compounds. And I did say in the entry that the U.K. could have different standards for what constitutes “organic,” but the fact that their definition is based solely on the processes involved and not on whether or not the product is really organic (salt and water are not) doesn’t justify the ridiculous price being charged for “organic” water.

    And I am in no way giving standard bottled water a pass. Considering the vast majority are no better than tap water, and some are even worse and yet the price per gallon is actually several times that of gasoline, there’s little reason not to drink tap water if it’s supplied by a municipal water system. Yes, Dasani is a joke, but that doesn’t excuse the producers of Illanllyr SOURCE from the ridiculous claims they make about their product. Hell, given the high quality of tap water in most places in the United States you might argue that Dasani being nothing more than tap water is a mark in its favor.

    So tap water is basically water “scrubbed clean”. Perfect clean and potable, but in no way “natural water” – would you drink from a puddle. Mineral and Spring water must be bottled at source without intervention. Basically this means you can stick a bore pipe into the aquifer to allow the water out, but it must be fit for human consumption, on strict standards, as it emerges, and put straight into the bottles in which it will be sold.

    The same is true here in the U.S., though that hasn’t stopped some of the bottled water from being contaminated with all sorts of “natural”, but unhealthy things. I’m not a big water drinker to begin with, but I’ve been increasing my intake over the past year. Here at home we have standard tap water from the Ann Arbor water system. Occasionally the wife will buy distilled water on her doctor’s recommendation. At work they have well water so they have a number of water purifier dispensers that filter, distill, and (for reasons I’m not entirely sure of) ionize the water. Having lived in Brighton for awhile in the past I can understand the heavy filtering my place of employment uses. Well water there isn’t particularly palatable. After all that manipulation it tastes more or less the same as the tap water here at home.

  5. Isn’t ALL water organic? It all comes from the ground or some kind of runoff. Geez! What a bunch of greedy marketers!!

  6. Odd thing is M&S tried selling bottled tap water cheap in its food hall – literally enough to cover costs plus a little profit, yet people went for the expensive stuff. The though process seemed to be ‘Why are you selling something we get free?’ “Well, in case you want water in the middle of a shopping centre” didn’t seem to cross their minds. What made Dasani a joke was that they tried to position it as a ‘lifestyle’ thing, when it was ‘just’ tap water.

    Mineral water, because it is as close to ‘straight from the ground’ as you can get will taste different. Additionally they all seem to be from soft water areas, which does markedly affect taste.

    British beet from different parts of the country does differ in taste partly because local water differs, where as lager it doesn’t matter. Hence if Fuller’s were to be brewed outside London, I wouldn’t consider it Fuller’s, and it would ruin the taste of London Pride or ESB. (Incidentally ‘Real Ale’ is internationally protected, like ‘Champaign’. You must brew it in Britain with British hops)

  7. Not too far from me is an “organic” cleaners. I’ve often wanted to go and ask, “So do you take our clothes down to the nearest creek and beat them against the rocks?”

  8. If it’s organic, then they may be validating the levels of dihydrogen monoxide that it contains.

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