Satan’s Reply to Pat Robertson

Here’s a letter to the editor in the Minneapolis Star Tribune from “Satan” in response to Pat Robertson’s comments about Haiti making a deal with the devil:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS

8 thoughts on “Satan’s Reply to Pat Robertson

  1. One would think this man has advisers to tell him when he is making a complete ass of himself.

  2. Paul- if this man has advisers, they’ve been goofing off for a long time. [url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/16/pat-robertson-haiti-quote_n_425841.html]Here’s[/url] a nice list of outrageous quotes from Robertson. One of my favorites, about women’s rights:

    [quote]The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.[/quote]

  3. Reading those quotes, Zilch, the amazing thing is that those views to some extent seem to be rather mainstream among conservatives in the U.S.

  4. Pingback: Go to Hell, Pat Robertson: Haiti Needs Help, Not Stupidity

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